To the editorial staff of WDay.ru wrote a disturbing letter to a young woman who, by the will of fate, was left alone with her child: "I read that a child, especially a boy, must have a father, otherwise he will grow into a slobber and a rag. That boys who grew up without a father often become criminals. Well, and other nightmares. I'm very much afraid that I will not be able to raise a real man from him alone. Alas, but his dad already has a family, and he lives in another city. To keep pregnancy was my decision, I longed for a child. Our relationship, unfortunately, came to naught after my birth. As a matter of fact, I am a single mother, but now I understand that for the sake of my son I must start to organize my personal life again and look for a good daddy for a child, not a man as husband to myself. But this is even more difficult than finding a husband. Did I make a mistake and prepared a terrible fate for my son? "
- Today, such a number of psychologicalinformation that the reverse effect begins. People start to wind themselves on level ground where, maybe, it is necessary to rejoice. Of course, I want everything to be perfect, but in the ideal world does not exist. And the depreciation of what is only for the reason that it does not fit into some ideal framework, smells of a neurosis.
A photo: GettyImages First, you need to get together with the spirit and evaluate what we have in fact and what's good about it. Secondly, we recall how familiar, native, friends and heroes from films with a similar plot emerged from similar difficult situations. What helped them, how they coped with it, what they had as a result. And as an example for imitation we use those who have turned out best. The main thing is not to fantasize. The future depends on us, but we still can not predict it. As for the education of boys. They really need a male figure, father. As an unreachable ideal at first, then as an example, and then as an opponent, which must be "defeated", that is, to become something slightly better than him. Boys who have not "defeated" their father, and therefore, have not been initiated, remain at the teenage stage of development. Then these guys also become something like slobbers, rags and cowards.
A photo: GettyImages Yes, a boy who is brought up in a complete family has more self-confidence. A boy growing up without a father is more difficult initially. His starting conditions in life are much worse. But if a boy from a complete family needs to "conquer" a particular person, with certain advantages and disadvantages, then the boy from the incomplete - almost the whole world. If you pay attention to the films in which the hero saves the universe, or simply he is some unusually good, bright, charismatic, then more often than not he grew up with one mother in the plot. A boy without a father chooses some other bright figure to follow, the strongest, smartest, even fictitious or public person, and goes through those stages that one would have to go through with the figure of his father. Such a boy has higher rates. He either becomes a kind of hero Kingsman (whose father was killed), or a criminal, since ontologically this is also a hero, only with a minus sign.
Photo:still from the movie "Kingsman"In a boy who grew up without a father, everything is more clearly manifested. For example, the moral standards for the child (regardless of gender) should be set by the father. But not every father himself knows what is good and what is bad; in some families, these concepts are blurred. A boy who is forced to choose from examples taken to the absolute as a guide will have stricter moral standards. Yes, it is bad if he chooses to follow the dark side of the force. But it is a huge gain for humanity if he chooses good and imitates heroes with high moral values. Then, after some time, he himself will become a clear example for many, even those who grew up in complete families. It goes without saying that it is the mother who can and should help in choosing a role model. Softly, unobtrusively and without neurosis. Another very important point is that you need to show respect for the boy's father in every possible way, no matter what happens between you. But the child should be confident that his father is also a worthy person. And there is no need to arrange your personal life just for your son. Let it arrange itself, naturally. There is no need to become his dad. It is enough to just be a good, loving, real mother for him.
