Which mother did not hear at least once in her life fromsurrounding this set of standard phrases aimed at her and her child. Usually they sound when our child does not behave the way he wants the surrounding adults: he is capricious, argues, does not agree with the rules, behaves aggressively, curses adults. Let's figure out what spoiling is, what it leads to and how it appears. Help us in this psychologist Olga Pisarik. Photo: Getty Images

How to understand that a child is spoiled?

You can find out a spoiled child by some features in his behavior:

• he does not see his mistakes,
• does not admit his failures,
• not ready to lose,
• easily provoked,
• refuses to see its imperfections,
• it "wedges" on getting what is inaccessible,
• he does not recognize borders.

In this article we will talk about children, butI would like to note that spoiled adults are not such a rarity, and for sure among your acquaintances you can easily remember 2-3 people who can be called spoiled. revolves around him and not everything happens the way you want. And you usually want to win all the time, to be the best in everything, to be always desired, the most, the most: the smartest, the most beautiful, the most significant, do only what you want, get only positive experience, demand a miracle, be perfect and have an ideal life If we think about the signs of being spoiled, we will see that, in principle, any little child is spoiled. Any baby expects the world to revolve around him, that he will experience only positive emotions and always get what he wants. There is nothing wrong with this, nature intended that we all are born "spoiled", expecting from life to fulfill any of our whims. At the same time, when an adult demonstrates the same attitude to life, it no longer seems either cute or reasonable. The inability to come to terms with the imperfection of this world inhibits psychological development, makes one stop at the slightest obstacle, makes it impossible to realize one's personal potential.Photo: Getty Images

How does pampering arise?

Pampering does not arise from the fact that a childsatiated from the abundance of toys, does not lack attention, is loved and treated kindly by everyone. It is impossible to love a child too much, to pay too much attention to him, to nurture him too much. Spoiledness has nothing to do with material wealth or social status. that something went wrong, something didn't work out. Many adults cannot stand children's tears and are ready to do anything to stop these tears: they distract, shame, intimidate, so long as the child does not cry, does not feel sad, does not suffer! Adults are trying with all their might to make the child's world perfect. And for the time being it can work, but there comes a moment when a child leaves the house into society, goes to school or his parents enroll him in the sports section - and suddenly it turns out that he is not the smartest, not the most agile, not the most beautiful! And this information cannot be experienced, the sky falls to the ground, the child's world is shattered into pieces, because there was no experience of failure, there was no experience of not being able to get what you wanted, there was no experience of seeing the light at the other end of the tunnel either. Psychologically, the child becomes very fragile and is no longer able to come to terms with the minimal imperfection of the surrounding reality. If in childhood the child did not experience a collision with futility, then he remains too fragile and soon life destroys himPhoto: Getty Images

How to help your child become more psychologically stable?

Helping a child to experience and cry outsmall griefs, we prepare it for a collision with the big ones. The task of parents is to be patient, supporting the child in his sufferings. I lost my favorite toy, or my best friend did not call for my birthday, my younger brother tore up the drawing, or maybe my dad won checkers or something terrible happened - my mother took the tablet, do not laugh at the child's grief, do not shame it, do not distract and do not bargain, promising even better, even more beautiful ... Sit next to, embrace, sympathize, let the tears flow out, be for the child by the person who is comfortable in his arms and cry and be comforted. And when the tears dry, and the gaze clears up, your child will suddenly see that the grief, which seemed to be still intolerable, has actually been successfully survived and life continues.

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