Where do spoiled children come from: the opinion of a psychologist

What mother hasn't heard at least once in her lifesurrounding this set of standard phrases aimed at her and her child. Usually they sound when our child does not behave the way the adults around him want: is capricious, argues, does not agree with the rules, behaves aggressively, swears at adults. Let's figure out what spoiledness is, what it leads to and how it appears. Psychologist Olga Pisarik will help us with this.Photo: Getty Images

How to understand that a child is spoiled?

You can recognize a spoiled child by some of the characteristics of his behavior:

he does not see his mistakes,
does not admit his failures,
not ready to lose,
easily provoked,
refuses to see its imperfections,
it "wedges" on getting what is inaccessible,
he does not recognize borders.

In this article we will talk about children, butI would like to note that spoiled adults are not such a rarity, and for sure among your acquaintances, you easily recall 2-3 people who can be called spoiled. The main sign of spoiling is that the person, as it were, gets stuck in his own perfection and refuses to acknowledge that the world does not Rotates around him and not everything happens as you want. And you want to win all the time, be the best in everything, be always desired, the very most: the smartest, the most beautiful, the most significant, do only what you want, get only a positive experience, demand a miracle, be ideal and have an ideal life . If we ponder over the signs of spoiling, we will see that in principle any small child is spoiled. Any baby expects the world to revolve around him, that he will experience only positive emotions and always get what he wants. In this there is nothing wrong, so nature conceived that we all come to light "spoiled", expecting from life the fulfillment of any of their whims. When this is the same attitude to life shows an adult, it no longer seems neither sweet nor reasonable. The inability to reconcile with the imperfection of this world hinders the psychological development, makes one stop before the slightest obstacle, deprives him of the opportunity to realize his personal potential.Photo: Getty Images

How does pampering arise?

Spoiling does not come from the fact thatthe child is satiated with an abundance of toys, does not experience a lack of attention, is loved and caressed by everyone. It is impossible to love a child too much, to pay too much attention to him, to pamper him too much. Spoiling has nothing to do with material wealth or social status. Spoiling occurs when adults do not allow a child to be upset, do not allow him to feel the natural course of things, to experience natural sadness from the fact that something did not go as desired, something does not work out. Many adults cannot stand children's tears and are ready to do anything to stop these tears: they distract, shame, intimidate, just so that the child does not cry, does not feel sad, does not suffer! Adults try with all their might to make the child's world ideal. And for the time being this can work, but there comes a time when the child leaves home into society, goes to school or parents enroll him in a sports section - and suddenly it turns out that he is not the smartest, not the most agile, not the most beautiful! And this information is impossible to survive, the sky falls to the ground, the child's world is shattered into pieces. Because there was no experience of experiencing failures, no experience of not being able to get what you wanted, no experience of seeing the light at the other end of the tunnel either. Psychologically, the child becomes very fragile and is no longer able to come to terms with the minimal imperfection of the surrounding reality. If in childhood the child did not experience a collision with futility, then he remains too fragile and soon life destroys himPhoto: Getty Images

How to help your child become more psychologically stable?

Helping a child cope and crysmall sorrows, we prepare him to face big ones. The task of parents is to be patient, supporting the child in his suffering. A favorite toy is lost, or a best friend did not invite to a birthday party, a younger brother tore up a drawing, or maybe dad won at checkers or something terrible happened - mom took the tablet, do not laugh at the child's grief, do not shame him, do not distract him and do not bargain, promising even better, even more beautiful ... Sit next to him, hug him, sympathize, let the tears flow, be a person for the child, in whose arms it is comfortable to cry and be comforted. And when the tears dry and the look clears, your child will suddenly see that the grief, which recently seemed unbearable, has actually been successfully survived and life goes on.