Almost every modern mother from the cradleinspires his child: "You are a person." And teaches you to set your own limits and rebuff adult phrases such as "Do not shout at me". Without such skills, people grow up too much driven: it is said to do - they will. Even to the detriment of one's own interests. We asked after all, and refuse nevizhlivo.No in some situations, we act inconsistently, instilling a child "obedience" and masking it with "courtesy." "Say hello!", "Do not be silent, when people ask you, it's impolite," "say thank you," "why do not you eat? Grandmother tried, prepared "- familiar phrases? We will not argue, say hello and thank you. But other situations leave the right to choose. Let's consider some of them.
Tactile questions
To answer or not to answer a particular question– everyone’s right. Unless, of course, you are taking an exam. And “pressuring” a teenager in such a situation means depriving them of this right. If there are topics that your son or daughter does not like to discuss, come to their aid, change the subject. Teach them how to do it themselves.
Photo: Gettyimages.comHistory of Life My son is finishing school soon. And now for the second year all our acquaintances at any opportunity consider it necessary to ask: "Have you already chosen the university? And what is the passing grade? And is tuition paid? "And so on. Honestly, we are already tired. Parents of high school students will understand me. Yes, we have stayed at three universities for now. Yes, we hope that the son will successfully pass the USE, and then we will make the final choice. Yes, perhaps in favor of paid training. All this is associated with experience. And every such inquiry is a superfluous reminder and stress. Moreover, they usually have an empty curiosity behind them. And my son and I decided: it is not necessary to devote all to detail. You can answer something like: "Of course, I decided! I like mathematics from my childhood! "And to translate the conversation to the interlocutor:" And where did you study? why did you choose your profession? Did it justify your expectations? "The conversation was quickening at once. After all, adults are so rarely asked about it!
Obsessive housewives
Scene at a party. A laid table.The hostess tried, prepared treats. For the main course - baked trout with Provencal herbs. But your daughter does not eat fish. What to do? It is her right to limit herself to a salad or a side dish. Perhaps no one will focus on this. There is no need to "out of politeness" mash a piece of fish on a plate and especially to stuff it into yourself! And what if the hospitable hostess considers it her "duty" to feed your daughter at all costs? "Why aren't you eating? Look how thin you are! Come on, take the fish!" In this case, you should calmly answer: "The fish looks very appetizing! I am sure it is very tasty. But I do not eat fish." If the child has an allergy, you can say so. Explain to your daughter that a polite refusal is normal. This way, she will not offend the hostess and will not harm herself.
Photo: Gettyimages.comHistory of LifeWhen I studied in the first year, I remember after a lecture my friend and I went to visit her grandmother. We were terribly hungry. Grandmother offered us tea with sandwiches. And suddenly I noticed that the doctor's sausage ... well, it turned a little green, or something. But to say this was shy. But my friend acted very wisely: "Granny, the sausage has already deteriorated. Let's put some jam on the bread. " And we drank tea with sandwiches and jam. No harm done. Morality - from any stupid situation there is a way out!
Invitations to hangouts
The social circle of our teenagers is very wide.These are classmates, peers-neighbors, friends from a sports team, and so on. Birthday invitations come quite often. Does your son or daughter accept them all with the same pleasure and enthusiasm? Or does he or she go to some events “because he or she was invited”? Talk about it. Explain to your teenager that he or she should not accept invitations “out of politeness.” Simple arithmetic calculations can show how much such “politeness” costs your family. For example, on average, a gift to a classmate costs one thousand rubles. There are thirty people in the class. Total – thirty thousand. Compare this with your salary or the total family income. Ask: what else, besides gifts, can he or she spend such an amount on? Compare, for example, with the cost of a trip to the sea, and so on.
Photo: Gettyimages.comDiscuss who your son or daughter considers their close friends? Who would they like to congratulate from the heart? Who would they like to see at their birthday party? Help your teenager avoid the “psychological trap” when some invite “out of politeness,” while others come “out of politeness.” As a result, both parties waste time. Don’t make up excuses, just thank them for the invitation but say that you won’t come. A story from life Our classmate Lena was getting married and moving to another city. As a farewell, she handed everyone wedding invitations. And the girls started discussing what to wear and what to give. I immediately said that I wouldn’t go. “What? This is awkward! We were all invited,” my classmates pestered me. But my opinion was this: Lena invited us “out of politeness.” It’s not at all necessary to accept the invitation. Most likely, we will never see each other again. And I definitely won’t invite her to my wedding. That's why I feel "uncomfortable" accepting her invitation. I'll have to spend money on a new dress, shoes, and a gift. But my refusal won't cause Lena any inconvenience.
