Almost every modern mother from the cradleinspires his child: "You are a person." And teaches you to set your own limits and rebuff adult phrases such as "Do not shout at me". Without such skills, people grow up too much driven: it is said to do - they will. Even to the detriment of one's own interests. We asked after all, and refuse nevizhlivo.No in some situations, we act inconsistently, instilling a child "obedience" and masking it with "courtesy." "Say hello!", "Do not be silent, when people ask you, it's impolite," "say thank you," "why do not you eat? Grandmother tried, prepared "- familiar phrases? We will not argue, say hello and thank you. But other situations leave the right to choose. Let's consider some of them.
Tactile questions
Answer or do not answer this or that question -the right of everyone. Unless, of course, you are not on the exam. And "pressure" on a teenager in such a situation means to deprive him of this right. If there are topics that your son or daughter does not like to talk about, come to his aid, put the conversation on another channel. Teach how you can do it yourself.
Photo: Gettyimages.comHistory of Life My son is finishing school soon. And now for the second year all our acquaintances at any opportunity consider it necessary to ask: "Have you already chosen the university? And what is the passing grade? And is tuition paid? "And so on. Honestly, we are already tired. Parents of high school students will understand me. Yes, we have stayed at three universities for now. Yes, we hope that the son will successfully pass the USE, and then we will make the final choice. Yes, perhaps in favor of paid training. All this is associated with experience. And every such inquiry is a superfluous reminder and stress. Moreover, they usually have an empty curiosity behind them. And my son and I decided: it is not necessary to devote all to detail. You can answer something like: "Of course, I decided! I like mathematics from my childhood! "And to translate the conversation to the interlocutor:" And where did you study? why did you choose your profession? Did it justify your expectations? "The conversation was quickening at once. After all, adults are so rarely asked about it!
Obsessive housewives
The scene is on a visit. A set table. The hostess tried, prepared the treats. On hot - baked trout in Provencal herbs. But your daughter does not eat fish. What to do? Her right to confine herself to a salad or garnish. Perhaps, no one will focus on this. Do not "out of politeness" knead a piece of fish on a plate and all the more so push it into yourself! And if the hospitable hostess considers it her "duty" to feed your daughter at any price? "Why do not you eat? Look, what a skinny! Well, take the fish! ". In this case, it's easy to answer: "The fish looks very appetizing! I'm sure it's very tasty. But I do not eat fish. " If the child has an allergy - you can say about it. Explain to your daughter that a polite refusal is normal. So she will not offend the landlady and will not harm herself.
Photo: Gettyimages.comHistory of LifeWhen I studied in the first year, I remember after a lecture my friend and I went to visit her grandmother. We were terribly hungry. Grandmother offered us tea with sandwiches. And suddenly I noticed that the doctor's sausage ... well, it turned a little green, or something. But to say this was shy. But my friend acted very wisely: "Granny, the sausage has already deteriorated. Let's put some jam on the bread. " And we drank tea with sandwiches and jam. No harm done. Morality - from any stupid situation there is a way out!
Invitations to hangouts
The circle of our teenagers is very wide. It's classmates, peers and neighbors, and friends on the sports team and so on. Invitations to birthdays are received quite often. Does your son or daughter accept everything with the same pleasure and enthusiasm? Or for some events he goes "because they invited"? Talk about it. Explain to the adolescent that you should not accept "courtesy" invitations. Simple arithmetic calculations show how much this "politeness" costs your family. For example, on average, a gift to a classmate costs one thousand rubles. There are thirty people in the class. Total - thirty thousand. Compare this to your salary or family income. Ask: how does he think, what else, other than gifts, you can spend this amount? Compare, for example, with spending on a trip to the sea and so on.
Photo: Gettyimages.com Discuss which son or daughter is considered to be close friends? Who would they like to congratulate heartily? Who would they like to see at their birthday? Help the teenager avoid a "psychological trap", when some "out of courtesy" are invited, and others "out of courtesy" come. After all, as a result, both sides spend time in vain. It is not necessary to invent excuses, it is enough just to thank for the invitation, but to say that you will not come. History from lifeOur classmate Lena got married and moved to another city. At parting she handed everyone an invitation to a wedding. And the girls began to discuss, in what to go, what to give. I immediately said that I would not go. "How? This is uncomfortable! We were all invited, "the classmates pestered me. But my opinion was this: Lena invited us "out of courtesy." It is not at all necessary to accept the invitation. Most likely, we will never see each other again. And certainly I will not invite her to my wedding. Therefore, I'm "uncomfortable" to accept her invitation. I have to spend on a new dress, shoes and a gift. But my refusal will not cause Lena any inconvenience.
