How to talk to a teenage girl about sex: tips for moms, instructions for parents

We asked the author of Woman’s Day and mother of 16-year-old Alexandra Natalya Tsareva to give advice to parents on how to talk with their teenage daughter on this awkward topic.A photo: Getty Images Talk about sex ... Parents are waiting for this moment with more, probably, a shudder than the onset of the notorious transition age. What to say? How? Where to begin? Do not fall into the room to the daughter, nervously crumpling apron, with the words: "We need to seriously talk." Then - a lecture, just as crumpled as an apron that fell victim to your nerves, and as boring as any mother's morals. And then you both sigh with relief and disperse - the debt is fulfilled, the unpleasant part of your relationship is over, you can pretend that nothing has happened. So, the script itself, to say. Kindergarten in terms of approach and the heavy legacy of Soviet education in terms of performancePhoto:Getty ImagesFirst of all, relax – don’t tell your child where babies come from. You can skip this part of the conversation altogether. Your child has long been well aware of everything that concerns the mystery of the birth of new people. This is a given, just accept it.Your task is a little different. Think: what are you afraid of? Probably that your precious child will begin to discover carnal pleasures too early. Or that he will run into the wrong guy. Well, or what unprotected sex can lead to. And this is a conversation on a different level.

Sex is trust

In fact, sex at such a romantic age isThis is a manifestation of the highest degree of trust. This is the idea you need to convey to your teenager. Of course, this is not a one-time conversation. And its success will depend on how often you practice heart-to-heart talks. Present this bare idea out of the blue - and it will pass by the ears, and by the heart, and, what is most sad, by the brain.Photo:Getty ImagesYou can talk about trust only if you already have it. Otherwise, it's pure theoryTell me about your mistakes, for example. You've probably done stupid things too. No, I'm not asking you to share the physiological details of your experiences. I'm talking about emotions. How unpleasant it can be if a guy turns out to be a chatterbox. Or stops calling. Or what it's like to feel disappointed if it turns out you rushed. Or the first experience was not as romantic as it seemed from books or movies.But don't try to scare the teenager. A very common mistake, just in the spirit of the heavy Soviet legacy, when there was no sex in the country: trying to present a natural and, let's face it, pleasant process as something dirty and shameful. Hello, frigidity, "you guys only need one thing", visits to a psychotherapist and, as an apotheosis, a feeling of shame for the pleasure received. Don't be obscene. And this grimace of disgust - no, don't do that. Seriously, are you so unsure of your child and don't trust your daughter that you think she'll go from hand to hand? If so, don't bother her with conversations about sex at all, better slip her a book.