On the whims of pregnant women on the Internet make uplegends Men complain vigorously: but my one drove me in the middle of the night for strawberries, in January, then! And my impatient sleepers smell. And herring with milk. In general, bad for them, our unhappy husbands. Bothering them with whims. And if the whims are not fulfilled, then tears come into the picture - a terrible female weapon. Anyway, this pregnant woman's weeping! .. We will not argue - there is such a sin for a woman. We are capricious. But not just like that. And in order to explain to men, from where all our whims and whims come from, we found on the Internet openings an excellent instruction: how to try on the condition of a pregnant wife. The name of the author, unfortunately, could not be found. But if such is found, we will proudly call the name of this beautiful person. And now, in fact, the instruction.
Photo:GettyImages1−3 months1) Poison yourself every evening – for example, drink vodka and beer without a snack the night before.2) Get up the next morning, take a sleeping pill and go to work. If you feel very nauseous, stay at home, but be so kind as to clean up and cook dinner.3) Tie sandbags to your feet – one and a half kilograms each.4) Eat cottage cheese. If you don’t want to – a little at a time.5) Don’t eat this, you can’t. This too. And this. Better yet, an apple.6) Quit smoking, what are you doing?7) Lie down and eat some more yogurt. Wipe yourself up if you feel sick. Don’t call your wife – she’s busy, watching TV.8) Go to the clinic and have your blood tested for AIDS and syphilis.9) Get examined by a proctologist three times a month. 3-6 months1) Tie a mattress with water to the front of your stomach.2) When you get dressed, do not untie it, and just put your shoes on.3) Sleep with the mattress too. What, what? We'll see!4) Don't forget to take a sleeping pill in the morning!5) And before leaving for work - a liter of water.6) At night, drink a liter of water and a diuretic.7) Insert cotton wool into your nose - so that air passes, but there is slight shortness of breath. Wear the cotton wool all the time. Is it hard to breathe? Ventilate more often - it helps some.8) Go to the clinic and give blood from a vein. How and for what? For AIDS and syphilis. It does not matter that you have already given the test.9) Get examined by a proctologist three times a month. Do not untie the mattress. 6-9 months1) Every morning, sit on a swivel chair and spin for 10 minutes. When your vestibular system finally refuses to cooperate with you, get up and get ready for work. Oh, you feel swaying? I sympathize, it will pass. 2) Pump up your mattress more. 3) Take a diuretic, and drink a glass of water every hour at work. 4) Try not to leave your workplace too often. Be alert and efficient throughout the working day. If this is too easy for you, increase your daily dose of sleeping pills. 5) Also increase the weight of the sandbags that you tie to your legs: let them be 2 kilos each now. 6) In the evening, without untying the mattress, go to bed and be an amazing lover! 7) If it seems to you that your wife has found another man, be lenient. Give your wife more of your time and attention. Imagine, it is hard for her too! 8) Go to the clinic and give blood from a vein. What for? Yes, all for the same thing – for AIDS and syphilis. 9) Visit a proctologist three times a month. Of course, with a mattress, what kind of question is that? The author of the masterpiece (this is not sarcasm or irony!) suggested not to play during childbirth. It is impossible anyway. “Just visit your proctologist friend for the 20th time and let him insert a pineapple into you… somewhere,” the author advises. “Now breathe deeply. And try to push it out. Were you able to free yourself? Only after 10 hours? Not bad, even fast. Excellent. You can untie your mattress.”
