Every time I learned about pregnancy, I thought: "Boy!" But on the 25th week, the ultrasound doctor said with a smile: "Girl!" They are able to transform from pretty girls into furious little furies in less than a second. If there was a reason ... And girls are fighting no worse than boys.
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Test of strength
Two years of "military action", fruitless attemptsto understand what the older one touches the younger one and vice versa, a regular divorce in the corners and endless: “You can’t fight, you girls!” brought me to a psychologist. Before child psychologist.
- When the older one touches the younger one, this is for her.experience peculiar. She already knows how to behave with you, with other people and things that surround her. But with such a small creature as a younger sister - no. And she checks: how will the little sister react? Therefore, it can take away a toy and hit ... Or do something else. You can endlessly invent situations, how to separate them, and ad infinitum, who is right and who is not. In adults, the same thing: the traffic police arrive at the scene of the accident, and each driver tries to pull the blanket over himself. With children harder to understand. Yes, it is useless ...
"Put up, put up, put up ..."
Oddly enough, but the most effective wayreconciliation remains the same little finger for the little finger and the magic phrase: “Put up, put up, put up and do not fight anymore ...” And on the last phrase “Because we are friends!” - joyfully put fighters in arms, letting them cling to each other. After all, another touch to the mother and each other is a manifestation of reliability, protection. At this moment, with an exhalation, the negative mood is removed. I remember her from the time when she was in the same age as her daughter. And the psychologist recommends the same “peace”:- It is enough to take the little finger, strictly say: "We do not fight!" Or "People do not fight, people talk!" Because if you say: "Children do not fight," it turns out that adults can? Still, it is better to say: people do not fight. People agree: they say magic words. Here you have to try: "Say:" Give, please. " If, however, they grumble and squeal, then just separate and take on the little finger. They play, and this "peace" with humor. And that's all - the situation is smoothed out. I checked the "peace" in the evening. The first battle ended with the score 1: 0 in her mother's favor. The girls made up quickly. But not for long. - Mom, it hurts! She hugged me too much! - the eyes of the eldest daughter were already filled with tears, the youngest one is uncomprehendingly looking at her sister: “I embrace, what are you crying for?”, And I am waiting for the inevitable second round of hostilities. And in such a case, the psychologist has advice: do not expect that they will do what you want from the first time.- Any skill in behavior is formed. The fastest is purchased in 28 days, the longest may in a year. Habit must be developed. That is, the rules of behavior in your home should all be observed every day. The kids got into a fight - firmly take the fighter’s hands, turn him by the shoulders away from another person, and say this moment again “People don’t fight, people talk”. And then you can take the palm of the child in your hands and say: “Hands are stroking” - and stroke the hand of the child of the one he hit.
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Act like a child!
Why is it important to act and speak less with young children with younger children?- You approach the problem as an adult. It `s naturally. An adult acts on a chain: “thinking, feeling, and only then action”. You will first assess the situation, a feeling appears, and then you start to do something. The child is exactly the opposite. At first he acts (for example, hit his sister). Then he has a feeling (for example, fear or fear that he saw it), and only then he realizes that he will be punished (that is, the child begins to think). So no need to talk! Immediately respond to the child’s action with the action: remove his hand, stop the fight ... Then turn on the feelings: gently, gently take his hand in yours and stroke the palm of the child with the sister he struck. Both sides of the conflict will have a pleasant feeling in return for aggression and irritability. And only then, continuing to stroke, say the code phrase: “People do not fight! People agree. Do not beat them with your palm, stroking them with your palm. ” Then the child will remember. It was not easy to rearrange yourself for childish behavior. Still, an adult "talk heart to heart" still takes its toll. But, acting on the advice of a psychologist, the number of fights between daughters was reduced several times (to 1–2 per day instead of 6–7). The girls began to learn to negotiate. Life has become calmer.
