Every time I learned about pregnancy, I thought: "Boy!" But on the 25th week, the ultrasound doctor said with a smile: "Girl!" They are able to transform from pretty girls into furious little furies in less than a second. If there was a reason ... And girls are fighting no worse than boys.
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Test of strength
Two years of "military actions", fruitless attemptsto understand why the older one is picking on the younger one and vice versa, regular arguments in the corners and endless: "You can't fight, you're girls!" brought me to a psychologist. To a child psychologist.
- When the older one touches the younger one, it’s for hera peculiar experience. She already knows how to behave with you, with other people and things that surround her. But with such a small creature as a younger sister – no. And she checks: how will her little sister react? Therefore, she can take away a toy, or hit... Or do something else. You can endlessly come up with situations how to separate them, and endlessly figure out who is right and who is wrong. It is the same with adults: the traffic police arrive at the scene of an accident, and each driver tries to pull the blanket over himself. It is more difficult to figure out with children. And there is no need for this...
"Put up, put up, put up ..."
Oddly enough, but the most effective wayreconciliation, the same little finger to little finger and the magic phrase remain: “Make peace, make peace, make peace and don’t fight anymore…” And on the last phrase “Because we are friends!” – joyfully embrace the fighters, letting them cuddle up to each other. After all, another touch to mom and each other is a manifestation of reliability, protection. At this moment, with an exhale, the negative mood is removed. I remember it from the time when I was the same age as my daughters. And the psychologist recommends the same “peacemaker”:- It is enough to take the little finger, strictly say: "We do not fight!" Or "People do not fight, people talk!" Because if you say: "Children do not fight," it turns out that adults can? Still, it is better to say: people do not fight. People agree: they say magic words. Here you have to try: "Say:" Give, please. " If, however, they grumble and squeal, then just separate and take on the little finger. They play, and this "peace" with humor. And that's all - the situation is smoothed out. I checked the "peace" in the evening. The first battle ended with the score 1: 0 in her mother's favor. The girls made up quickly. But not for long. - Mom, it hurts! She hugged me too much! - the eyes of the eldest daughter were already filled with tears, the youngest one is uncomprehendingly looking at her sister: “I embrace, what are you crying for?”, And I am waiting for the inevitable second round of hostilities. And in such a case, the psychologist has advice: do not expect that they will do what you want from the first time.- Any skill in behavior is formed. The fastest is purchased in 28 days, the longest may in a year. Habit must be developed. That is, the rules of behavior in your home should all be observed every day. The kids got into a fight - firmly take the fighter’s hands, turn him by the shoulders away from another person, and say this moment again “People don’t fight, people talk”. And then you can take the palm of the child in your hands and say: “Hands are stroking” - and stroke the hand of the child of the one he hit.
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Act like a child!
Why is it important to act and talk less and persuade less with younger children?- You approach the problem like an adult.This is natural. An adult acts according to the chain: “thinking, feeling and only then action”. First, you assess the situation, a feeling appears, and then you start doing something. With a child, everything is exactly the opposite. First, he acts (for example, he hit his sister). Then he has a feeling (for example, fear or fright that he was seen), and only then he understands that he will be punished (that is, the child begins to think). Therefore, there is no need to talk! Respond to the child’s action immediately with an action: take his hand away, stop the fight... Then turn on your feelings: gently, tenderly take his hand in yours and stroke the sister he hit with the child’s palm. Both parties to the conflict will experience a pleasant feeling instead of aggression and irritability. And only then, continuing to stroke, say the code phrase: “People don’t fight! People negotiate. You don’t hit with your palm, you stroke with your palm.” Then the child will remember. It turned out to be difficult to adapt myself to childish behavior. Still, the adult "heart-to-heart talk" still has its effect. But, acting on the advice of a psychologist, the number of fights between the daughters was reduced several times (to 1-2 per day instead of 6-7). The girls began to learn to negotiate. Life became calmer.
