Literally yesterday the whole country thundered extremelyimpartial story: a girl from the ballet Todes decided to undress in public. And I arranged a broadcast in Periscope, as she takes a bath. The girl - for a second - 10 (ten) years. About what she fancied, parents quickly found out: there were well-wishers who threw them and the broadcast, and screenshots. After seeing how easily their daughter takes very frank poses in front of the camera, the parents, of course, were horrified. The translation was deleted, the conversation with the girl was spent. To the question: "Why?" The child innocently replied that someone had once told her that public outcrops would certainly make her popular. But it is hard to believe that the cause of the action is "someone" and "once". An accidentally thrown phrase will not cause such an effect.Photo: A still from the film "Unbearable Grandfather"

Why do children do this?

What actually becomes the motive of the children who commit the shocking acts of glory for the sake of? This question we asked our expert, counselor psychologist Tatyana Ogneva-Salvoni.- Children really copy what they see inadult world, absorb as sponge those priorities that translate society. In 10 years the child is not able to independently and objectively evaluate the incoming information. Every child just wants to be good and valuable, this desire is built into every person. But it is important what criteria good surround it. If the demonstration of oneself, popularity, achievement of the result at any cost is in the environment of the child something good, then he will strive for this. And, surprisingly, it is the purest, most naive children's souls that will embody what surrounds them in life - in the most ingenuous form. We can say that the child simply mirrors without embellishment what infuses the socium into the child's soul. Separately, the reasons for childish vanity and the desire for fame can be divided into several versions. First, it can be a consequence of a narcissistic disorder, a narcissistic trauma. This happens when in early childhood, up to three years, the child for a relatively long time (long in the perception of this particular child) remained without parents, but with grandmothers, grandfathers, nannies, in the garden. Then he develops attention deficit and is acutely manifested at the onset of puberty. And can serve as an impetus to such performances. The second version. An unhealthy desire to be in the spotlight appears when the installation is set up to glory. If significant adults in the environment of the child encouraged his performances to the public, consciously or not, but showed that they will be more proud of him and love him if the child becomes popular, becomes a star and so on. However, we must always look into the personal history of the child, it could be some kind of key to the child's perception of the everyday scene, which set priorities in this way. Thirdly, it is possible that there are no disorders and deep installations, and this story with girl - just the result of a way to express yourself in your society. Age psychologists note that it is in 10 years that the first deep changes begin at all levels - hormonal, physiological, psychological. Intellect and attention in the child are reduced, but there is a lot of anxiety and new fears. At 10-11 years old adult negative emotions begin to form, the nervous system is overstrained. The processes of excitation predominate over the processes of inhibition. Children begin to take it, go to extremes, feel misunderstood and unhappy. They have a lot of fears. Adults are no longer authorities. There is a search for new authorities and the desire to become the authority. Psychologists have recorded that at this age a person has the lowest self-esteem during life. Its values ​​are changing. It is not enough to study well to be accepted. The stage of self-assertion begins through the search for new prohibitive forms of self-expression, often associated with risk. The child is absorbed in his experiences, self-knowledge, self-esteem.Photo: A still from the film "Unbearable Grandfather"

All they need is love only

- How to protect the child from extremes, from similar mistakes? - First, do not evaluate it with criteriaadult world. A child at 10-12 years of age is driven by completely different motives, often even to the adult incomprehensible. Do not judge and do not offend for misconduct. You need a lot of patience, love, acceptance and endurance. "I love you any", "I'm sorry that you chose this form of self-assertion", "If you have questions, I will gladly tell you." That is, constantly be present in the life of the child, but without panic. This is called - to withstand his growing up. Nothing to say to the child - just exhale. And be beside. Secondly, you can share your experience, your feelings, heard, read stories about other teenage children. "I also had something similar, I felt I was doing this and that," "And in that movie it was like that, remember this hero ..." and so on. Thirdly, it's good to listen carefully to a child, talk with him on any everyday topics, so that he felt involvement, interest in himself, his value and significance. "And what do you feel, what do you think about this, and this is like you, but what would you like, and why is it so, in your opinion, and what would you do in this case ..." And fourthly, of course , gently, without imposing, to talk about the basic values ​​of society, on which friendship, love, and family are kept. In general, the main thing is not to lose contact with the child. And if he makes a mistake similar to the one given in the story with the girl, then fix attention not so much on her and not to blame, but on what conclusion he made, does he understand that it was a mistake, how he feels, what this experience has taught him. And yes, of course, for some serious offenses there must be some punishment. No, do not beat, do not scream in any way. You can forbid something, or pick up, or cancel some promised gift, etc. That is, you can not leave terrible misdemeanors unpunished. Only if the child very much repents, realizes the whole weight of his misconduct and is ready for any punishment, then it is more useful to cancel the punishment. And yet - it is useful for the parent to think about what his area of ​​responsibility is, where he failed to fulfill his duties, and draw conclusions for the future, and work on his mistakes too.

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