Dancer from the ballet Todes undressed in the social network for the sake of likes

Literally yesterday the whole country thundered extremelyimpartial story: a girl from the ballet Todes decided to undress in public. And I arranged a broadcast in Periscope, as she takes a bath. The girl - for a second - 10 (ten) years. About what she fancied, parents quickly found out: there were well-wishers who threw them and the broadcast, and screenshots. After seeing how easily their daughter takes very frank poses in front of the camera, the parents, of course, were horrified. The translation was deleted, the conversation with the girl was spent. To the question: "Why?" The child innocently replied that someone had once told her that public outcrops would certainly make her popular. But it is hard to believe that the cause of the action is "someone" and "once". An accidentally thrown phrase will not cause such an effect.Photo: A still from the film "Unbearable Grandfather"

Why do children do this?

What really motivates children to commit outrageous acts for the sake of fame? We asked our expert, consulting psychologist Tatyana Ogneva-Salvoni, this question.— Children really do copy what they see inin the adult world, absorb like a sponge the priorities that society broadcasts. At the age of 10, a child is not able to independently and objectively evaluate incoming information. Every child simply wants to be good and valuable, this desire is built into any person. But it is important what criteria of good surround him. If demonstrating oneself, popularity, achieving results at any cost are something good in the child's environment, then he will strive for this. Moreover, surprisingly, it is the purest, most naive children's souls that will embody what surrounds them in life - in the most simple form. We can say that the child simply mirrors without embellishment what society pours into the child's soul. Separately, several versions can be distinguished about the causes of children's vanity and desire for fame. Firstly, it can be a consequence of narcissistic disorder, narcissistic injury. This happens when in early childhood, up to three years old, a child for a relatively long time (long in the perception of this particular child) was left without parents, but with grandparents, nannies, in the kindergarten. Then he develops an attention deficit and it is acutely manifested by the beginning of puberty. And it can serve as an impetus for such performances.The second version. An unhealthy desire to be in the spotlight appears when the installation is set up to glory. If significant adults in the environment of the child encouraged his performances to the public, consciously or not, but showed that they will be more proud of him and love him if the child becomes popular, becomes a star and so on. However, we must always look into the personal history of the child, it could be some kind of key to the child's perception of the everyday scene, which set priorities in this way. Thirdly, it is possible that there are no disorders and deep installations, and this story with girl - just the result of a way to express yourself in your society. Age psychologists note that it is in 10 years that the first deep changes begin at all levels - hormonal, physiological, psychological. Intellect and attention in the child are reduced, but there is a lot of anxiety and new fears. At 10-11 years old adult negative emotions begin to form, the nervous system is overstrained. The processes of excitation predominate over the processes of inhibition. Children begin to take it, go to extremes, feel misunderstood and unhappy. They have a lot of fears. Adults are no longer authorities. There is a search for new authorities and the desire to become the authority. Psychologists have recorded that at this age a person has the lowest self-esteem during life. Its values are changing. It is not enough to study well to be accepted. The stage of self-assertion begins through the search for new prohibitive forms of self-expression, often associated with risk. The child is absorbed in his experiences, self-knowledge, self-esteem.Photo: A still from the film "Unbearable Grandfather"

All they need is love only

– How to protect a child from extremes, from similar mistakes?— Firstly, do not evaluate it by criteriaadult world. A child of 10-12 years old is driven by completely different motives, often even incomprehensible to an adult. Do not judge or offend for misdeeds. You need a lot of patience, love, acceptance and endurance. “I love you no matter what”, “I’m sorry that you chose this form of self-affirmation”, “If you have questions, I’ll be happy to tell you”. That is, be constantly present in the child’s life, but without panic. This is called enduring his growing up. Nothing to say to the child - just breathe out. And be there. Secondly, you can share your experience, your feelings, stories you’ve heard and read about other teenagers. “I also had something similar, I felt, did this and that”, “And in that film it was like this, remember this hero...” and so on. Thirdly, it would be good to listen carefully to the child, talk to him about any everyday topics so that he feels involved, interested in himself, his value and significance. “And what do you feel, and what do you think about this, and what do you think, and what would you like, and why is this so, in your opinion, and what would you do in this case…” And fourthly, of course, gently, without imposing, talk about the basic values of society, what friendship, love, and family are based on.In general, the main thing is not to lose contact with the child.And if he makes a mistake, like the one in the story with the girl, then focus not so much on it and do not blame, but on what conclusion he made, does he understand that it was a mistake, how he feels, what this experience taught him. And yes, of course, some kind of punishment should follow for serious offenses. No, do not beat, do not shout under any circumstances. You can forbid something, or take away, or cancel some promised gift, etc. That is, terrible offenses cannot be left unpunished. Only if the child is very remorseful, realizes the full gravity of his offense and is ready for any punishment, then it is more useful to cancel the punishment. And also - it is useful for the parent to think about what his area of responsibility is, where he did not cope with his duties, and draw conclusions for the future, work on his mistakes too.