By the way, they only condemn the slander in Russia, the "slander"this is the concept of the Slavic mentality. Abroad (for example, in Germany and Great Britain), every adult, noticing a violation on the part of not only the passer-by, but also the neighbor, considers himself obliged to report this to the police. Friendship is friendship, and compliance with laws and order is most important. The same applies to children in educational institutions - deletion in civilized countries is equated with theft, depriving able and diligent people of a chance to get a decent education. They do not scoff at us, but those who write off. But we live in Russia, so let's talk about how to match domestic morals. Did you notice that your child began to often tell about the misconduct of other children? How old is he now? Psychologists advise paying attention first of all to the age of the baby.
Photo: GettyImagesElena Nikolaeva, medical psychologist:
If the child is not yet 3 years old, then nospeechlessness can not be spoken. In a three-year-old child, consciousness is still being formed, and he can not yet predict the consequences of his actions. It is believed that a child from 3 to 5 years of age does not misbehave, but tells the adult what happened to him, shares his impressions, emotions and facts. He wants an adult to appreciate the situation, because it's still difficult for him to do. The task of adults is to discuss with him whether other children behaved correctly or not, and how to behave better next time. From 3 to 5 years, the trial and error period continues, and it is very important that close to the child there are understanding parents who are always ready to help. At the age of 5-7 years, the children form the concept of responsibility, they face rules of behavior at home, in children's garden and later in school. Mastering these rules, they try to fulfill them, and also monitor the implementation by other children, because the rules are mandatory for everyone. Seeing that children violate these rules, they resort to a teacher or parent for help, wanting not so much to "convey" as simply showing adults that they know the rules. By the age of 9, the child has a new priority - communicating with friends, and the child is more calm about violations of the rules, understands their relativity. In primary classes, slander is normal. So, the child socialized. Now the task of adults is to teach the child to be friends. If, at the age of 9-10 years, slanderousness continues, this can be a warning signal. How do "corrupt people" appear?
- In some cases, the adult himself makes of the childscam. For example, a teacher or teacher asks you to tell which of the children is behaving badly and somehow puked. Perhaps the child believes that such "cooperation" with adults will help him become a leader in the team, and parents or educator, to whom he will bring important information, will take into account his opinion.
- Children can begin to complain because of jealousy orenvy. Similar often happens in those families where one offspring gets much more parental attention than others. An unmarried child tries to defame a favorite in the eyes of a mom or dad.
- Often, children complain and report to their peers fromfeelings of revenge or resentment. For example, if a child quarreled with a friend or was not accepted into the game, he tries to punish the offender, telling, and sometimes inventing, about him something for which punishment will necessarily follow.
- A child can be misguided for the sake of self-affirmation. He hastens to "tapped" on other children to adults, to feel their own importance, to attract attention and to force peers to reckon with themselves. If the child feels comfortable in the classroom and can prove himself in studies, creativity, social activities, then he will not have the need to assert himself with complaints.
A photo: GettyImages The children with authoritarian, unnecessarily strict upbringing are often the naughty children - they were taught that everything should be just according to the rules, according to the schedule and nothing else. Elena Nikolaeva, a medical psychologist, is difficult for them to accept.No matter how old the child is, the mostAn ineffective way to combat snitching is to prohibit snitching and complaining. Such behavior is repulsive, violates trust in an adult, and the situation can worsen. It is always useful to understand what is behind the snitching: - if it is a conflict between children, it is necessary to extinguish it in time; - if the desire to earn respect - to help the child express himself, show his strengths; - if it is a feeling of envy, then in this case the child desperately needs your attention, it seems to him that the other has everything, and he is unloved and rejected. Having found out what happened, ask the child whether it was possible to avoid the conflict, what, in his opinion, the offender is wrong about and what he would do in his place. Think together what to do next to resolve the problem. Very often, positive attention can significantly reduce the number of complaints and denunciations and establish peace. Trusting relationships and the desire to understand your child will help you raise successful and happy people.
