Blogger Stas Zalessky: how to raise a fatherless son with a real man

I think that raising a man from a boy canjust another man. What does it mean? Let me explain by my own example. Last time I saw my father when I was about 7. He died early, so I remember him vaguely. I will say right away that I was very lucky with my mother, but I always looked for a man to take an example from.

Right people

My first example was my older brother.He was into sports, he had many friends. I watched how they communicated with each other, and I involuntarily learned this myself. And my brother could easily slap me on the back of the head for doing something wrong. From this I came to the conclusion: only a man can punish a boy! Mom or another girl should not do this, remember that.A photo: Getty Images The following example, when I was in the 10th and 11th grades, was Semyon's friend for me. He grew up on the street, and I just lacked the skills of street life. With him, I learned to negotiate with other boys, get into difficult situations and get out of them. He taught me how to communicate with girls and greatly expanded the circle of my acquaintances. The third example was the father of my friend, Oleg, a real man. He immediately began to take care of me, give advice, guide and show attention. From him I received many life landmarks. He did not educate me, but only was sympathetic and always answered my questions. Remember Mowgli. If the child is surrounded by wolves, he will be a wolf, if men are a man, if your son grows up without a father, then he, like me, will definitely take an example from someone. Remember that the task of the mother is not to replace the father, but to bring the right people to the son. Do not be afraid that the son has contacted the wrong company, give him freedom, and let him develop as he thinks is right. Remember Mowgli. If the child is surrounded by wolves, he will be a wolf, if the men are male.

Look for a decent

A photo: Getty ImagesIf you are divorced from your husband and your son grows up without a father, do not rush to put a cross on him and think that the peasant will not leave him. The task of the mother in this case is to create a stream of men for her son. Do not let the stream of men pass through you, but create it to your son - feel the difference! A child needs to see how guys behave in different situations: dad, grandfathers, uncles, older brother, coach, neighbor, friends - these are the people who can influence the child and be an example to him. You can give your son to the section, but it is important to choose not so much the sport as the coach himself. This should be such a man, so that when you look at him you feel strength and confidence. A good indicator can be the reaction of the mother: if at the sight of a trainer saliva flowed - “oh, a real man!”, Then he can be trusted with a son. If the coach is a stereotypical fizruk with a whistle, stretched knees and slight fume, then the example will turn out so-so.Photo:Getty ImagesBut a grandfather and a coach cannot teach how to build love. Therefore, a mother simply needs to take care of her personal life and show her son an example of normal relationships. You know, there are mothers who decide that it doesn’t work out with men, they are all assholes, I’ll take up raising my son. Nothing good will come of it. The mother will remain unhappy, and the child will receive such a dose of guardianship that it will harm him in the future. There is another stupidity, when parents try with all their might to save a broken marriage exclusively for the sake of their son. But children are not fools, even though they are small, they can easily read lies and duplicity. It is impossible to play a happy family in front of them. If you are raising a son alone, do not despair. Look for worthy men - both for the child and for yourself.