They forced me to undress through threats and beatings…They beat them and pulled their hair… They stole their money and broke their glasses… They made them kneel, threw them to the ground, kicked them… There are tons of such stories on the Internet. The worst thing is that they happen at school. For those who bully their classmates, such behavior is a source of pride. That's why they shoot videos of beatings and humiliation on their mobile phones and upload them to social networks. And mothers who see this are horrified: after all, their child will also have to go to school.
A photo: frame from the movie "Scarecrow" From these situations, no one is immune. To provoke a conflict, it is not necessary to do something. It's enough just not to like a school bully or a hooligan. Being red-haired, with freckles, not having an iPhone, does not look like everything, it's too good to learn - and there are not enough reasons. What if the child became the object of persecution? Larisa Surkova, psychologist, blogger and mother with many children:
Child cruelty is nothing new these days.The Internet is full of horrific videos of schoolchildren beating up a classmate, filming the incident. Most often, children start to bully each other at the age of 10, when the difficult teenage years begin.
Do not feed the vampire
The objects of bullying are the guys whoare different from others in some way. Teenagers do not forgive those who stand out from the crowd, do not tolerate flaws in appearance and do not accept children who have health problems. Larisa Surkova:— The other day I worked with a girl who has cerebral palsy.She took the risk of going to a regular high school, but she was teased and tripped up there. Now she is forced to go back to a special school. According to the psychologist, children with a volatile psyche who react violently to aggression suffer the most from bullying. It's like feeding a vampire: you only have to cry once - that's it, you're on the bullies' hook! Remember how our parents taught us: if they tease you, don't pay attention? It's hard, but it works! Explain to your child that they can't cry, it's better to let them pretend they don't care about the ridicule. Without feedback, bullies will lose interest in bullying.
Defend Yourself
— When a newcomer appeared in the class, the guysdecided to test his strength, - says the 13-year-old son of friends. - One started to bully Vanya, but he didn't lose his composure and punched him in the face. The next day, a bigger guy came up to the new guy - and he dealt with him too. And on the third day, five of the guys attacked Vanya. They beat him up a bit, but didn't touch him anymore - no one wanted to walk around with a black eye. The advice to "fight back" is, of course, quite controversial. Some psychologists believe that physical violence is evil and that conflicts should be resolved through conversation. Others are sure that if fists are used, then you need to respond accordingly, otherwise they will hound you. But here it is important to measure your strength against the strength of your opponent.Of course, if a child can stand up for himself, that's good. That way, they'll leave him alone faster. That's why it's good for boys to do boxing, martial arts, and sports in general.
Temper the character
Ignoring bullies and being able to stand up for yourself are useful skills. But it is much more important for a child to have normal self-esteem. After all, most often, those who are not confident in themselves are bullied.- A person is born with an overestimated self-esteem. The first three years, we vigorously praise the baby for every new word. He sat down on the pot - hurray! I built a tower of cubes - great! And then the demands and expectations for the child increase, we cease to admire the children. Parents, garden educators and teachers at school smoothly reduce the child's self-esteem to no. What should I do? Praise and praise again! Forget official phrases such as "well done" and "clever", emphasize the talents and characteristics of the child. And it is better to give the child to the group sports - this will help temper the character and find friends. When children work in a team and reach their goal shoulder to shoulder, they feel stronger and more confident.
There is safety in numbers
But it is not only the child himself who decides whether he will cope with the problem or not. After all, a class, a school is not a vacuum.- In my practice, recently there was a case: a teenage girl wrote in a social network that she had unconventional orientation. She was mocked in the classroom, and when the news reached the teachers, they also began to shame the girl, call her parents and say that she disgraced the school. Instead of stopping the persecution, teachers themselves added fuel to the fire. And such cases are not uncommon. But teachers must maintain a healthy atmosphere in the classroom, ask for help from a school psychologist. If the teacher does not do this, take the situation into his own hands. Organize a class for a class or arrange a karaoke battle. Act as team builders: thanks to your authority, the authority of your child will increase. Well, if nothing helps, and the teachers refuse to meet you, change your school. And do not delay it.— We can’t let the situation slide.The Soviet principles of “don’t snitch”, “sort it out yourself” and “be patient” don’t work here. He can be patient, and then take up arms and go after the offenders. And the quiet ones, tired of crying into their pillows, decide to jump out the window. The peak of teenage suicides is 13-15 years old, at this age every word can kill. Parents are the foundation and guarantor of safety for a child. Talk to your children and spend more time together. And remember: a teenager cannot cope with this world alone!
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