Brought knowledge home
Photo: GettyImages *****! - said my five-year-old child, when he did not give in to the boot he was trying to remove. I will explain: behind the asterisks hiding the words at the request of Roskomnadzor, one hideous word is hidden, which Yesenin and Mayakovsky used. It means a walking female. Now used as an interjection, expressing an extreme degree of irritability and vexation. Well, or just like a bunch of words. Children just do not fit. I thought that I heard. *****! - again flew from the tender child's mouth to the harmful button. No, I did not hear it .- Son, do you know what this word means? - Well, - Timofey raised his innocent eyes to me, - so Dima in the kindergarten says when she dresses . Dima is the best friend. Hmm, you can not get away from society. Even if adults do not use abusive words at home, to get acquainted with obscene vocabulary preschool children can anywhere. Even in the older group of the kindergarten. And what to do? Family psychologist, the founder of the project Familybuilding Daria Grosheva:
— Treat it as a growing up phenomenon.For him, there is no difference between censored and uncensored words. What you definitely shouldn’t do is scold the child. This way, you can awaken in him an interest and a hyper-need to say such words – if mom reacted that way, then there must be something in it. You shouldn’t ignore what happened, hoping that he will simply forget them: he may not forget. You need to react calmly and at the same time it is very important to stay in contact with the baby, talk, explain. But don’t operate with the concept of “bad words”. For whom are they bad? Why, if they are bad, do they still say them? Focus on the family: such words are not said in our family. By the way, this is a good reason to have a conversation about family values.
The source of evil
Okay, I'll talk to my child.But I also want to eliminate the "source" of the trouble. The next day, I delicately raise the topic in a conversation with Dima's dad. "Yes, I know," the man waves his hand irritably. "My brother came to visit, he doesn't watch his language at all. And this one has his ears perked up, he's absorbed everything. And that one even laughs, he finds it funny, you see, when the child swears. Now I don't know what to do, even if I hit him in the mouth. Hitting him, of course, is not an option. But hearing from other parents that your child is the main swearer is also unpleasant. Options? Family psychologist, founder of the Familybuilding project Daria Grosheva:- It is clear that if the child brought these words fromfamily, then you need to start with yourself. But indeed, there are situations when children, most often leaders by nature, can "hook" such words on the street or somewhere else. Our reaction - embarrassment, embarrassment, laughter - will provoke them to even more frequent use. And the ban will cause them an internal protest and a backlash. Here, of course, much depends on the nature of the child, but you can, left alone, try to invent a fairy tale with him. About the boy who uttered abusive words (and once allowed him to speak them all). Children did not want to play with him. Together to think up a possible punishment for such a boy. Perhaps such immersion in the role will help the child look at the situation from a different angle and understand how offensive and unpleasant it is to hear this.
Mat is not the norm
Photos: GettyImagesRecognized? Our expert in all cases emphasizes: the emphasis in the conversation should be done on the family. But what if the mothers do not "swear at home and talk"? "" I'm very emotional, "Vitali admits. - I understand everything, but it's difficult to restrain myself. I better swear properly and relax. A six-year-old son of Vitaly in obscene vocabulary can give odds to any stevedore, a foreman and even an ensign. True, my father tries to keep his son's moral image, and Tikhon periodically "flies" from a caring parent. "I tell him that I'm an adult, I can. This, of course, is not good, but I can not be an ideal and a role model in everything. He is a child, he can not. In the end, I'm the main one, I'm setting the rules in my house, that's how Vitaliy talks. Family psychologist, the founder of the Familybuilding project Daria Grosheva:- The policy of double standards in this caseis inadmissible. If you allow yourself to express yourself with the child, then allow him to express himself too. But then explain that there are certain situations when they do not say so: with strangers, in public places. In 5-6 years the child is already able to learn it. The categorical position "I am an adult" can be dangerous because the child will strive to do the same to become an "adult" too. Then you need to explain why you are not equal: I'm older, I work, I'm responsible for you and so on. It's always good if an adult is open to dialogue. And "clapping" authority can provoke a backlash.
The older generation
But if it is still forgivable for a preschooler to usewords, the meaning of which he does not understand, then with teenagers everything is more complicated. There is a school next to my house. And every time I walk past it during recess, I want to cover my ears with my hands not only the baby, but also myself. I remember myself at fourteen. I admit, yes, we swore. A lot and often. It was such an indicator of "coolness", a way of self-affirmation, self-expression. Forgive the expression, show-off. And - a subtle point - if it concerned feelings and emotions, then embarrassment was often hidden behind rude words. Well, times are changing, the problems of adolescence remain. But if earlier we could not even think about swearing in front of adults, and especially parents, now this line, alas, has been erased. Family psychologist, founder of the Familybuilding project Daria Grosheva:- Of course, these are the problems of the teenage crisisage. And it comes to modern children earlier and earlier, maybe even from the age of nine. To some extent, this crisis is similar to the crisis of three-year-olds, in both cases children test the boundaries of what is permitted. And here it is necessary to establish very strict rules, and again with an emphasis on the family. We do not speak like that at home and for this there follows a certain fine, punishment. At the same time, there should be no indulgences, for example, yesterday we punished you for swearing, and today you brought home an A from school, okay, this time we forgive you. This is wrong.
