Brought knowledge home
Photo: GettyImages *****! - said my five-year-old child, when he did not give in to the boot he was trying to remove. I will explain: behind the asterisks hiding the words at the request of Roskomnadzor, one hideous word is hidden, which Yesenin and Mayakovsky used. It means a walking female. Now used as an interjection, expressing an extreme degree of irritability and vexation. Well, or just like a bunch of words. Children just do not fit. I thought that I heard. *****! - again flew from the tender child's mouth to the harmful button. No, I did not hear it .- Son, do you know what this word means? - Well, - Timofey raised his innocent eyes to me, - so Dima in the kindergarten says when she dresses . Dima is the best friend. Hmm, you can not get away from society. Even if adults do not use abusive words at home, to get acquainted with obscene vocabulary preschool children can anywhere. Even in the older group of the kindergarten. And what to do? Family psychologist, the founder of the project Familybuilding Daria Grosheva:
- Treat this as a growing phenomenon. For him there is no difference between censorship and obscene. What you should not do is blame the child. So you can awaken in him interest and hyper-need to say such words - since mom reacted so, then there is something in it. Ignore what happened, hoping that he will then simply forget them, also do not need: maybe not to forget. It is necessary to react calmly and at the same time it is very important to remain in contact with the baby, talk, explain. But do not operate with the term "bad words". For whom are the bad ones? Why if bad, they are still talking? Focus on the family: these words are not pronounced in our family. This, by the way, is a good occasion to hold a conversation about family values.
The source of evil
Okay, I'll talk with my child. But I want to eliminate the "source" of trouble. The next day, I delicately raise the subject in conversation with Dima's dad. "Yes, in the course," the man waved irritatedly. - My brother came to visit, generally does not follow the language. And this ears on the vertex, all absorbed. And he also laughs, it's funny to him, you see, when a child swears. Now I do not know what to do, though on the lips of Bey. Beating, of course, is not an option. But to listen to other parents that your child is the main impostor is also unpleasant. Options? Family psychologist, the founder of the project Familybuilding Daria Grosheva:- It is clear that if the child brought these words fromfamily, then you need to start with yourself. But indeed, there are situations when children, most often leaders by nature, can "hook" such words on the street or somewhere else. Our reaction - embarrassment, embarrassment, laughter - will provoke them to even more frequent use. And the ban will cause them an internal protest and a backlash. Here, of course, much depends on the nature of the child, but you can, left alone, try to invent a fairy tale with him. About the boy who uttered abusive words (and once allowed him to speak them all). Children did not want to play with him. Together to think up a possible punishment for such a boy. Perhaps such immersion in the role will help the child look at the situation from a different angle and understand how offensive and unpleasant it is to hear this.
Mat is not the norm
Photos: GettyImagesRecognized? Our expert in all cases emphasizes: the emphasis in the conversation should be done on the family. But what if the mothers do not "swear at home and talk"? "" I'm very emotional, "Vitali admits. - I understand everything, but it's difficult to restrain myself. I better swear properly and relax. A six-year-old son of Vitaly in obscene vocabulary can give odds to any stevedore, a foreman and even an ensign. True, my father tries to keep his son's moral image, and Tikhon periodically "flies" from a caring parent. "I tell him that I'm an adult, I can. This, of course, is not good, but I can not be an ideal and a role model in everything. He is a child, he can not. In the end, I'm the main one, I'm setting the rules in my house, that's how Vitaliy talks. Family psychologist, the founder of the Familybuilding project Daria Grosheva:- The policy of double standards in this caseis inadmissible. If you allow yourself to express yourself with the child, then allow him to express himself too. But then explain that there are certain situations when they do not say so: with strangers, in public places. In 5-6 years the child is already able to learn it. The categorical position "I am an adult" can be dangerous because the child will strive to do the same to become an "adult" too. Then you need to explain why you are not equal: I'm older, I work, I'm responsible for you and so on. It's always good if an adult is open to dialogue. And "clapping" authority can provoke a backlash.
The older generation
But if the preschool child is forgivenwords, the meaning of which he does not understand, then with teenagers everything is more complicated. Next to my house is the school. And every time I go by her during the change, I want to close my ears not only to my baby, but to myself. I remember myself at fourteen. I confess, yes, I did. A lot and often. It was such an indicator of "steepness", a way of self-affirmation, self-expression. Sorry for the expression, ponty. And - the subtle point - if it was about feelings and emotions, then for harsh words often hiding confusion. Well, times change, the problems of the transitional age remain. But if before we even could not think, to vymateritsya with adults, and even more so parents, but now this line, alas, is erased. Family psychologist, the founder of the project Familybuilding Daria Grosheva:- Of course, these are problems of the teenage crisisage. And it now comes in modern children all the earlier, maybe even at the age of nine. To some extent, this crisis is similar to the crisis of three-year-olds, in both cases, children feel the limits of what is permissible. And here it is necessary to establish very strict rules, and again with an emphasis on the family. We do not speak at home and, for this, there follows a certain fine, a punishment. At the same time there should not be any indulgences, for example, yesterday we punished you for the mate, but today you brought a five from the school, okay, this time we forgive. It is not right.
