Second child brothers sisters basic mistakes

A photo: Getty Images Imagine that the husband is trying to pay more attention to the new wife - in fact she is younger, less experienced. Your favorite dress does not fit you more? Give it to a new member of the family, it will obviously look better on it ... Imagine that you ask your husband to give you attention, and he answers: "How can I leave my new wife ?! She is so vulnerable, without a man - anywhere! You better find something to do. " Such training is conducted in the course on the education of brothers and sisters known psychologists Adel Faber and Elaine Mazlish, so that parents could understand how an older child can feel when a younger child appears in the family. Such fantasies suddenly force them to open their eyes wider and take seriously the problem of raising two children. What mistakes are most often made by parents and how the communication specialists of adults and children suggest solving them in their book "Brothers and Sisters. How to help your children live together. "Parents do not allow children to show negative feelings and emotions towards each other. "You do not have to be angry with your brother," "Do not you dare hurt your sister!", "It's forbidden to call each other in our family!" Usually, such attempts to calm children work only for a short time, and then history repeats itself. And if you remember that terrible training, which is given in the beginning? Why this person should not be angry with another, because he deprives the first attention of parents. The insult of the elder is quite justified, as recently he was the only and loved one in the family. When the parents begin to realize this and recognize the right to negative emotions for one of the children, the situation changes. It is important only to tell the child that you heard it, understood it, accepted it and will try to eliminate the problem. For example, you will pay more attention. Learn to voice the emotions that your child is trying to convey to you. And then the child in your example learn how to pronounce your feelings toward your brother or sister instead of using violence. Parents constantly compare children. "You're such a fiddler, your sister has been in the car for a long time," "I'd learn from my brother's courtesy." Nothing good, except an inferiority complex, will not. And both children will suffer - and the one who is praised, because he will constantly be afraid of losing his credibility, and the one who is being scolded, for understandable reasons. And the animosity between the children will only increase. But how then can the child be stimulated to develop? It's very simple - not reminding once again about a brother or sister. Suffice it to say: "Son, hurry, we're late" or "In this case, it was necessary to thank the assistant." And all, without any mention of a sister or brother. And if the surrounding "well-wishers" point to a more approximate member of the family, you can answer: "What does he have to do with it?" We're talking about this son right now. So we talk on other topics. " What brother or sister does or does not has nothing to do with the other.