Educate the person: should the child be obedient

Why do we value obedience in children? Yes, because an obedient child is a comfortable child. He never argues, does not scandal, does what he is told, cleans up and dutifully turns off the TV, despite the cartoons. And this way makes life easier for your parents. True, here you can talk about the authoritarian style of education, which is not always good. But more on that later. Photo:GettyImages ... Six-year-old Vityusha sometimes seemed to me like a boy with a control panel. Once a button - and he sits with a book on a chair, not bothering anyone, while the parents do their business. Ten minutes ... fifteen ... twenty. Two - and he is ready to interrupt any even the most interesting lesson at the first word of his mother. Three - and the first time he unquestioningly removes all the toys, goes to brush his teeth, goes to bed. Envy is a bad feeling, but, I confess, I envied his parents until Vitya went to school. There, his obedience played a cruel joke on him. “In general, he cannot defend his opinion,” now his mother was no longer proud, but complained. - He was told he did. Right or wrong, I didn't even think about it. So after all, perfect obedience (not to be confused with the rules of good manners and behavior!) Is not so good. Psychologists often talk about this. We tried to formulate the reasons why unquestioning obedience, even to parents, is bad. 1. An adult is always right for such a child. Exclusively because he is an adult. So, the rights and the teacher in the kindergarten, beating on the hands with a ruler. And the teacher at the school, who calls him a dumbass. And - the worst thing - someone else's uncle, who invites you to sit side by side and come to visit him. And then ... we will do without details, but he is an adult - therefore, he is right. Do you want it? 2. Porridge for breakfast, soup for lunch, eat what they give and don't show off. You will wear this shirt, these pants. Why turn on the brain when everything has already been decided for you. But what about the ability to defend their desires? Your point of view? Your opinion? This is how people grow up who have not developed critical thinking. They are the ones who believe in advertisements on TV, stuffing on the Internet and sellers of miracle devices for treating everything at once. The child is carried away by something and does not respond when he is distracted from the case. From an interesting book, from an entertaining game. This does not mean that he does not obey you. This means that he is busy right now. Imagine if you are suddenly distracted from some important or very interesting business? Yes, remember at least what phrase is asked from the tongue when you are pulled for the tenth time, and you are just trying to get a manicure. Well, if a child is ready to quit everything at the click, it means that he is sure that his activities are unimportant. So, nonsense. With such an attitude, it is almost impossible for a person to find a business that he will do with pleasure. And he is doomed to study for show and go to an unloved job for years.Photo: GettyImages4.An ideally obedient child in difficult situations gives up, gets lost and does not know how to behave correctly. Because there is no voice from above that "will give the right command" to him. And he does not have the skills to make independent decisions. It may be hard for you to accept this, but the fact is: a naughty child who often opposes his opinion to his parent is a leader by nature. He is more likely to succeed in adulthood than a silent dame. 5. An obedient child is a driven child. He needs a leader to follow. There is no guarantee that he will choose a decent person as a leader. "Why did you throw your hat into a puddle?" - “And Tim told me. I didn't want to upset him, and I obeyed. " Be prepared for such explanations. He listens to you - he will listen to the alpha boy in the group. But! There is only one situation where obedience must be absolute and unquestioning. At a time when there is a real threat to the health and life of people. At the same time, the baby must fulfill the requirements of adults unquestioningly. He will not understand the explanation yet. You can't run out onto the road - period. You can't go out on the balcony alone. You cannot pull the mug off the table: there may be boiling water in it. It is already quite possible to come to an agreement with a preschooler. He doesn’t have to just put bans. It is quite old for him to understand why this or that case is dangerous, so explain. And only after that demand observance of the rules. NOTA BENE Disobedience to children is a reason for an adult to think about his relationship with a child. If they are not ready to hear you, then you have not been able to gain authority. And let's immediately clarify: we are talking about that authority when your opinion, your words are valuable to the child. Tyranny, when you are obeyed because they are afraid, suppression, pedantry, continuous teachings - all this, according to Makarenko, is a false authority. Do not go down this path; let your child have their own opinion and make their mistakes. You know, they learn from them.