Educate the person: should the child be obedient

Why do we value obedience in children so much?Because an obedient child is a convenient child. He never argues, does not quarrel, does what he is told, cleans up after himself and obediently turns off the TV, despite the cartoons. And thus makes life much easier for his parents. True, here we can talk about an authoritarian style of upbringing, which is not always good. But more on that later.A photo: GettyImages ... Six-year-old Vityusha sometimes seemed to me a boy with a control panel. Once the button - and he sits with a book on the stool, without touching anyone while the parents do their business. Ten minutes ... fifteen ... twenty. Two - and he is ready on the first maternal word to interrupt any even the most interesting occupation. Three - and he from the first unquestioningly removes all toys, goes to brush his teeth, goes to bed. I feel a bad feeling, but I admit that I envied his parents until Vitya went to school. There his obedience played a cruel joke with him. "Generally he can not defend his opinion," his mother was not proud anymore, but complained. "He was told he did." That's right or not, not even pondered. So all the same, perfect obedience (not to be confused with the rules of good behavior and behavior!) Is not so good. This is also often said by psychologists. We tried to formulate the reasons why unquestioning obedience, even to parents, is a bad thing. 1. An adult for such a child is always right. Exclusively because he is an adult. So, the rights and the teacher in the kindergarten, beating on the hands of the ruler. And a teacher at school who calls a dumbass. And - the most terrible - a stranger's uncle who invites you to sit side by side and visit him. And there ... and do without details, but he is an adult - therefore, right. Do you want this? 2. Porridge for breakfast, soup for lunch, eat what they give and do not show off. You'll wear this shirt, these pants. Why include the brain when everyone has already decided for you. But what about the ability to defend one's desires? Your point of view? Your opinion? So grow up people who have not developed critical thinking. They believe advertising on TV, surfing the Internet and sellers of miracle devices to treat everything and immediately. The child is something with passion and does not respond when he is distracted from the case. From an interesting book, from an entertaining game. This does not mean that he does not obey you. This means that he is now busy. Imagine if you are being sharply distracted from some important or very interesting affair? Yes, remember, at least, what phrase asks from the tongue when you are tied for the tenth time, and you just try to make a manicure. Well, if a child is ready to throw everything at a click, then he is sure that his studies are not important. So, this is nonsense. With such an installation, it is almost impossible for a person to find a job that he will be enjoying with pleasure. And he is doomed to learn for a tick and for years to go to the least favorite job.Photo: GettyImages4.A perfectly obedient child gives in to difficult situations, gets confused and does not know how to behave correctly. Because there is no voice from above that will “give him the right command”. And he does not have the skills to make independent decisions. It may be hard for you to accept this, but it is a fact: a disobedient child who often opposes his opinion to his parents’ is a leader by nature. He is more likely to succeed in adulthood than a silent wimp. 5. An obedient child is a led child. He needs a leader whose instructions he will follow. There is no guarantee that he will choose a decent person as his leader. “Why did you throw your hat in a puddle?” - “Tim told me. I didn’t want to upset him, so I listened.” Be prepared for such explanations. If he listens to you, he will listen to the alpha boy in the group. But! There is only one situation when obedience should be absolute and unquestioning. At a time when there is a real threat to the health and lives of people. At the same time, the baby must follow the adults' demands without question. He will not yet understand explanations. You cannot run out into the road - period. You cannot go out onto the balcony alone. You cannot pull a mug from the table: there may be boiling water in it. It is already quite possible to come to an agreement with a preschooler. You do not need to simply set prohibitions. He is quite old enough to understand why this or that case is dangerous, so explain. And only after that demand compliance with the rules. NOTA BENEChild disobedience is a reason for an adult to think about his relationship with the child. If they are not ready to listen to you, it means that you have failed to gain authority. And let us clarify right away: we are talking about the authority when your opinion, your words are valuable to the child. Tyranny, when they listen to you because they are afraid, suppression, pedantry, continuous lectures - all this, according to Makarenko, is false authority. You should not go down this path. Allow the child to have his own opinion and make his own mistakes. You know yourself, they learn from them.