Mom-shaming, or why you're a bad mom

Do you think you are a disgusting mother? Yes, hell, you are absolutely right! And this is not because something is wrong with you. Just always there are people who will not impress your methods of education. At the same time, their own upbringing (sorry for this sad tautology) will calmly allow them to make claims to you. "Star status" is not a guard against critical statements. And even on the contrary: he is like a red rag for a bull. From recent examples - Anfisa Chekhov, whose subscribers were horrified by the fact that her little son eats paste with her hands. Yes, and with cartoons! Execute, you can not pardon. Or Maxim Vitorgan, who was almost "eaten alive" for daring to engage in "dangerous" gymnastics with his son. And Ksenia Sobchak? Yes, how she dare press to swing on some fitness, when you need to sit at home and rock your son. "What a stupid name," they write to Anna Sedokova, the phollovers, after learning that she called her son Hector.Photo:GettyImagesDo you think this behavior is a feature of the Russian mentality? We'll disappoint you. Mothers all over the world suffer from "well-wishers". In the West, they even came up with a name for this phenomenon: "mom-shaming" (from the word shame). What mothers have long felt is now confirmed by statistics. The study was conducted in the United States by order of the Charles Stewart Mott Children's Hospital. Women with children under five were surveyed - this, as it turned out, is the most "vulnerable" audience. And here are three main conclusions: 1. In total, two thirds of mothers (and almost fifty of them took part in the survey) are criticized in relation to their children. 2. Most often, mothers are criticized by their family members. 3. The three most common reasons for criticism: discipline, nutrition, sleep. Now for the details. Most often (61% of respondents), young mothers are indeed criticized by relatives: husband, mother-in-law, even their own mother. Compared to this figure, criticism from friends and girlfriends, although it takes second place, looks almost insignificant - only 14%. In third place are the "ya-mothers" from playgrounds. The same ones who always know how to raise a child, are the best and are not shy about making a remark to a stranger. Then there are the little things - commentators on social networks and doctors in clinics. And it would not be so bad if all these comrades attacked one by one. However, every fourth mother surveyed admitted that she was attacked by representatives of three or more different groups of critics. What is it that the haters are so unhappy with? First of all, of course, the child's behavior. This was noted by 70 percent of respondents. Too loud, too noisy, too naughty, too... Almost everyone is ready to see the shortcomings in your child. In second and third place is criticism of the diet and sleep patterns. We are ready to swear that grandmothers are the soloists here. Then come the "battles" of supporters and opponents of breastfeeding. What do mothers do when they are criticized? We would like to say that they ignore the offensive words. But no. The statements touch them. Many begin to search for information on the topic themselves or ask a doctor to make sure that they are right - their own or their opponent's. Just over a third of women said that criticism made them change their views on raising or behaving a child. At the same time, 42 percent of the surveyed mothers admitted: they began to feel less confident after criticism, even if it was unfounded. 56 percent stopped criticizing other women, having experienced what it was like. And the last figure is that half of the mothers stopped communicating with "well-wishers" and try to avoid them. So, if you are one of those know-it-alls, think about what is more important to you: expressing an opinion or keeping a close friend.