How to teach a child to have an opinion

- Well, who is he in? - My friend Ira, mother of the five-year Timothy, is lamenting. - Today, on a walk in the kindergarten I threw the cap into a puddle. I ask why, he says, Ilya said so. He is listening to Ilya in everything! How to get rid of such a list? To do this, it is necessary to cultivate a sense of own worth in the child. And the certainty that his own opinion, the opinion of a small person is as important as anyone else's. Even an adult. And still the ability to defend this very opinion. To begin to think about whether you allow the child to make decisions independently, which the family accepts and supports. For example, he chooses where you go on the weekend, he himself comes up with the script of his birthday or expresses his wishes for food. Can he choose his own clothes, decide with whom to play? If all this is obtained with difficulty, it's time to start acting.Photo:To prevent a child from growing up as a weak-willed and passive person, psychologists advise parents to adhere to several rules. They are simple, but for some reason they are always forgotten. 1. Do not impose your opinion on the child and always be interested in his preferences. If you ask what kind of T-shirt (dress) he wants to wear, after receiving an answer, agree with his choice. If you see that the choice is clearly not suitable, explain the reason (reasonably), and suggest other options. By the way, this will help to cope with such a problem as children's whims. For example, a child does not want to go to kindergarten. You ask if he will wear a penguin T-shirt or a checkered shirt today. The child switches to the problem of choice, and the hysteria about the kindergarten subsides. 2. Advise, but right. Encourage the decision, but do not decide for it. It should be just advice, tips, but in no case swearing. Otherwise, the child will have a negative attitude towards parental advice. Yes, yes, after a few years it will be eye-rolling at the ceiling just at the sound of your voice. Regardless of the quality of the advice, you can simply hint that he is not making the best choice in this case, and immediately explain why and how he should act in such a situation. But if he insists on his own, then there will be some consequences for which he will have to bear responsibility. And then let the kid decide for himself how to do it right. 3. Listening to a child - and hearing. Listening is not only hearing the sound of a voice, individual words and whole phrases. It is important to understand the speaker, and not only the meaning, but also the child's perception of the given topic, his feelings and emotions. Give your child feedback: he must understand that you hear him, you are interested in his opinion. And in no case do not cut it off in mid-sentence: "In short, we do this ..." 4. Never answer a child's question with the phrase: “Because I said so!” First, this formulation does not explain to the child why it is necessary to act this way and not otherwise. Secondly, if he gets used to the fact that only mom (dad) decides everything, what kind of personal opinion can we talk about? He will understand that it is much easier to take a ready-made solution and stupidly follow the instructions.Photo: GettyImages5. Give to stay the main thing.Let the kid "cut the boss" and decide something for the whole family. In this case, of course, we are not talking about any serious issues or problems. Here we are talking about such things as, for example, a joint walk. Let the child choose where you will go with the whole family on the weekend. So the kid will feel that his opinion is really appreciated and considered. Talk with the child on an equal footing - without sarcasm and irony. Depending on how you talk with the child, when he shares his thoughts with you, he tells you about something, whether he will want to continue doing it. Perhaps you think his experiences are stupid, but do not mock them at all. Also, psychologists advise not to pat the child on the head or on the shoulder, for children all this is a marked disregard. Like a dog on the scruff of patting. Why is all this necessary? Then, not to fall under the bad influence in the future. After all, if a child understands that his opinion is not an empty phrase, then he will be able to uphold this very opinion later. And it does not matter where it will be: in communicating with peers, in school discussions or at work. And most importantly - the baby will not be guided, blindly following someone's example.