How to love your child; i hate my children

“It’s customary to tell about your children with trepidation,breathing and endless love. And what if you do not love the child? Not. You are not tired of him, and this is not a “temporary state.” You just do not love him, period. Unfortunately, I personally was able to frankly admit this only 10 years after the birth of my daughter. At first I thought that negative emotions were caused by severe pregnancy, then by difficult childbirth, and then by sleepless nights and endless illnesses of the child, but later I realized that it was all about the absence of love for him. Perhaps, my experience will be interesting and useful to someone, so I will tell you honestly about everything, ”Natalia wrote to us.

All the bad things about her father

A photo: Getty Images “With a biological father (sorry for that word), we did not live a long time for our daughter. Trite do not agree characters. There was a bright love and, as a result, pregnancy, and then - bitter disappointment and separation. In a civilian husband, I was annoyed by everything: how he eats and how he brushes his teeth, how he smells and what words he expresses, how he cleans his ears with cotton buds and how he spreads socks around the house ... When we parted, I sighed with relief, and then everything began see it in my daughter. She did the same! And even in the nose constantly picking like him! And every time I saw it, I could not resist, saying: "Dad poured out!" Or "I took all the muck from my father." And, of course, did it with anger. And how else, if fate seemed to mock all the bad qualities of my failed husband into my newborn child ?! Infinite poop and wild cries at night will bring anyone to the handle. After the birth of my daughter, I do not remember bright and joyful moments. Probably, they were only when relatives let me go from home to give me the opportunity to walk and be alone. Everyone thought that I had postpartum depression, and tried to somehow help. Once I even left for a week at sea. WITHOUT DAUGHTER. But when she returned, it did not become easier. Infinite poop and wild cries at night at least someone will bring to the handle, and the daughter often cried. That stomach hurts, then teeth are cut, then wet lies. They say so at all, but personally it seemed to me that my child was constantly dissatisfied. Later, the doctor said that her daughter actually had some problems with the nervous system, because of what she was not sleeping, nervous and smiling a little. I didn’t want to take my child in my arms, spend a lot of time with her and even just touch. So that you understand, I am not an asocial element or “mother-cuckoo”, and in everyday terms my daughter had everything she needed. There was only love on my part. However, I carefully hid it ...

And then she ruined my relationship

Photo:Getty ImagesWhen Eva turned four, I had a man. He was affectionate, kind and caring, and I understood that there was a real line of single and divorced women lining up for such men, so I tried to charm him and surround him with care as much as possible. I didn’t tell him about my daughter, thinking to tell him later. Everything was going well until my man offered to go on a long vacation with him. And it just so happened that at that time my daughter fell from a big slide and broke two bones at once. She needed not just treatment, but hospitalization. My grandmother refused to go to the hospital, and I had to tell my man everything. According to him, he was shocked that I, as a mother, hid my child and wanted to leave him for a long time with a “strange uncle.” After that, the man blocked my number and flew away alone. Some might say that Eva is not to blame for this, but sometimes it seems to me that she has some sixth sense about when I might leave her for another life (get married, go on a business trip, etc.) and she deliberately gets sick, gets injured, or starts throwing tantrums to annoy me!

Teen with a bad temper

Photo: Getty ImagesEva is now a teenager.She goes to school and has everything that children of her age dream of. Several times we even went to the sea with my daughter (the doctors recommended her to get sea air). I did not feel love. Responsibility - yes. Interest in her affairs - perhaps. But definitely not love. Moreover, over the years, there have been more problems with my daughter. Only now, in addition to her unsociable character, there are endless difficulties with her studies and a crazy craving for the Internet (she can sit there for hours). I tried to talk to her - it's useless. She closes up and is silent. I went to a psychologist (alone and with my daughter) - it didn't help. So I just decided to leave everything as it is. And now - the main thing. To dot all the i's and not hear from readers that I just can't love anyone. I recently found out that I was pregnant again. And it was real happiness!!! Now I realized that I am truly ready and am not afraid of anything. And this is conscious motherhood, and I will really have a much-desired child, whom I secretly asked the higher powers for. And they heard. And they sent me a girl again, and I do not hide the fact that I already love her endlessly. The second motherhood, even from the first day, is radically different from the first. And even the terrible toxicosis upsets only one thing - will it harm the future daughter? Yes. It is already known that I will have a girl again. This will happen only in five months, but I am already choosing tiny outfits, beautiful toys and the most expensive and comfortable strollers and cribs. And I often see my baby in my dreams. It seems that she will be fair-haired and light-haired. Ahead of questions, I will say that I also did not live together with the father of my second child, but what does it matter if he has already left me the most important thing that can be in life. My beloved baby! "