Domestic Violence Act: How It Will Affect Children

The State Duma in the first reading adopted a law ondomestic violence. Previously, a criminal case was opened for beating a family member. Now they won't. At least for the first time they will forgive. True, the lawmakers, led by the initiator of the project, the notorious Mrs. Mizulina, clarify: only bruises and abrasions will be forgiven. If more serious harm is done to his health, then a criminal case against the tyrant will be opened immediately. It turns out that if mom walks with a black eye or, then it's okay. But if daddy breaks her ribs when drunk, then maybe they will punish. But what about the children? How does it feel for them to watch Mom convulsively cover up the bruises in the morning and cry while Dad does not see? How will this affect their psyche? Psychologist-consultant Tatyana Ogneva-Salvoni told us about this.Photo: GettyImagesBeating in the family, especially regular ones, is a symptomthe so-called dysfunctional family, which consists of those who, in turn, are also brought up in a dysfunctional family. In which it is not customary to speak on the merits, where they play the most intricate and cruel psychological games. But nevertheless it is a family. We are used to seeing any conflict situation in contrasting colors - black, white, bad, good, we defend it, and we condemn it. If one is a priori a monster, and the other is a priori a victim, then such perception cuts us off as a whole from understanding the situation. Labels can be hung as much as you like. Take a look without ratings. Why does one person raise his hand to another person? This comes from powerlessness, lack of words to indicate what he feels and wants, from not understanding himself, from the fact that a person has such a hell inside that he can no longer restrain him, and this hell spills out. Anger in the soul of a family tyrant rolls over. And behind the anger is his own unlived gigantic pain. The home tyrant has a frightened soul. Why, these are individual reasons. He fights from fear that has become his kind. He does not know how to build relationships in a different way. A healthy contact and intimacy scare him. Probably, sometime at an early, very tender age, he received a great injury that he could not cope with. Therefore, behind fear there is a huge shame, so huge that the easiest for this type of people is to drown him with alcohol. Shame is where the person has failed. And he lacks the courage to just see it. Wives of house tyrants are also brought up readyto such relationships, as they have before their eyes the experience of their dysfunctional family. There is no such thing that a girl from a prosperous, psychologically full-fledged family suddenly married an alcoholic rowdy and lived with him all her life, enduring the beatings. If she does, she will not tolerate, she does not have the resources for this. And the daughter of a tyrant father has the resource of keeping a mentally unbalanced person next to him. She is a ready victim, so with her even a potential tyrant will become a real tyrant. She will allow it, often unconsciously. Boys tend to stand up for their mother. And later, in adulthood, it is difficult for them to get out of the shadow of the influence of the mother figure. They seem to take the place of the defender next to the mother, most of their hearts remain close to her. And with other women, if they manage to build relationships, then these are painful stories. These guys often fall in love with women with a difficult fate, which must be saved or protected. Calm, prosperous women without hysteria, they will be of little interest.Photo: GettyImagesGirls are very difficult to get out of the shadows.father-tyrant. She will look for someone like her father, a bully with a frightened soul and untied hands, but with attempts to remake it. And while provoking the use of physical force, as if arranging an exam, she achieved success on her way of redoing this specimen or failed. She also has a lot of unfounded shame, and to overcome it, she can indulge in all serious, only to drown out this sense of shame. However, these are some generalizations. The fates are different for everyone, since under any starting conditions every person always has a choice - good or evil. Examples from real life. One guy dad drank and beat his mother, the guy grew up as a repeat offender. The other father also drank and beat my mother, but he grew up and became an extreme saver with awards for feats. The third father drank and beat my mother, he grew up and became an incredible writer. One girl dad beat mom, she grew up and became a porn model. The other has a similar family situation, but she has become a scientist of the highest level. Another one went into a nun. Obviously, children from a family in which theyreceived an extreme amount of pain, the most difficult thing is given - to become someone ordinary, to live the ordinary, inconspicuous life of the ordinary citizen. They are able to withstand more than an ordinary person, so many of them find themselves in helping professions, where they have to deal with situations in which a person from an ordinary family would go crazy with sorrow, pain, and blood. It is also more difficult for them to build a more or less healthy family, where they are joyful and calm, since it is joy and peace that are unusual and frightening for them. They withstand almost any horror, but almost cannot withstand happiness and silence. True, some of them manage to learn it. But it is already units. Basically, they are perfectly successful life role or great victories or great falls. And joy, love, well-being are somewhere in the middle.