Even if men dream of playing football out loudwith his own son, most of them see it in the far-distant future, sometime in many years. Women, for the most part, cannot imagine a full-fledged family without children. And let's not forget about the biological clock: there is actually not much time left for us to bear children. Why do men take such a sour look as soon as it comes to a child?

He is afraid of radical changes.

Actually, the defining words here are “he"He is afraid." And he has his reasons for that. Perhaps he has just started enjoying life: school and college are behind him, work or business are just beginning to bring him their sweet fruits. Life is good when you are your own boss! You can go mountaineering, kayak along all the surrounding rivers, you can go to Goa in winter and go to all the discos there that you have the strength for. You can read, eat, sleep, hang out, make new acquaintances, enjoy communication, sex, finally. A child in relation to all this is like a lead cloud on a clear summer day. The day you bring home a squeaking envelope with a bow from the maternity hospital, your cheerful youth will end. From then on - only boredom, only duties, only responsibility. What to do: look for positive examples of fatherhood in your environment. There are families that calmly travel and have fun with their children. And judging by the fact that new children are born in these families, they also have sex. And a man’s sacred right to communicate with friends (on hiking trips, going to the sauna on Saturdays, and so on) can be guaranteed to him even through a notarized document or a clause in a marriage contract.

He is afraid of material costs

The proverb about the hare, to whom God is suresends the lawn, does not at all call to sit back and wait for manna from heaven. Naturally, you will need funds to raise a new person. It is not much fun to plan a child when you live in a rented apartment or in your parents' living space and get by with odd jobs. The little one needs his own corner, he needs a residence permit, he needs regular amounts for maintenance. Nevertheless, even people without obvious financial problems are sometimes in no hurry to become parents. Is there such a thing as too much money? Why do we need a child if we cannot change our car every year because of him? What to do? Learn to count and plan. Literally draw up a business plan with a calculator in your hands. Calculate "how much a child costs" and the monthly amount of your income, the estimated amount of your child care allowance. Prove to the future father that you are practical, not in the clouds and ready to tighten your belt if necessary.

He is afraid that you will change

A man does not want an air fairy, withwho is so good for him now, has turned into a worried, heavy woman with a dull look. And he wouldn’t be afraid of this if he hadn’t seen similar examples in front of him. He also doesn’t want to lose your attention and care because of some screaming baby. The end of romance? The end of beauty? The end of the joys of intimate life? What to do? Look for and give positive examples. On Instagram, for example, there are apparently countless accounts of supermoms who, in terms of appearance, would give some childless women a run for their money.

He does not want children from you

Sometimes a woman, enchanted by her ownillusions, takes wishful thinking for reality. Maybe it only seems to you that you and your boyfriend are serious and for life, but in reality you are just a passing option for him? And that is why he stops all your dreams out loud about your common continuation? Is there love between you? More precisely, does he love you? What to do? Talk. You need to talk to the person and listen to him carefully. It would be a good idea to listen when he talks about his plans for family life, about what kind of mother he sees for his children. And if the description does not sound like you, you can ask a direct question: aren't we wasting our time staying together? If you do not have a dream of becoming a single mother, do not prepare a "surprise" for this guy in the form of a test with two stripes.

He is a pathological neatist

Let's not deny it:A small child is a source of not only tenderness and joy, but also dirt. He wets himself, soils diapers, spits out vegetable puree, throws toys around, grabs everything with sticky fingers, draws on the wallpaper with felt-tip pens. This is a small chaos. But what if the future dad can't stand disorder? If he always has everything on the shelves and not a speck of dust anywhere? Or he just likes it when you put everything on the shelves and remove all the dust, he has the right, but why bring into the world a creature that is so eager to disturb the comfort? What to do? Remind the future dad that in our time, raising a child has become much easier: disposable diapers are available, and dishwashers, and washing vacuum cleaners, and wet wipes, and a lot of other wonderful things. Look on the Internet for options for perfectly organized, clearly structured children's rooms. Prove to him your ability to quickly and effectively deal with disorder - how can such a clean freak have a dirty child?

He had an unhappy childhood

The example of one's own family plays a huge role ina man's idea of ​​his future fatherhood. If a boy grew up seeing his parents' dissatisfied faces every day, if there was discord in his family and he was constantly made to understand that he was an unwanted burden for his mom and dad, if he was constantly compared with others and not in his favor, it will be difficult for him to imagine himself a happy family man with such "baggage". Why breed unhappy people, God forbid he can cope with his own problems... What to do? Be patient. Learn to listen and empathize. No matter what your husband's parents are like, it is not for you to judge them. Become his "quiet haven". Let him see that you are always glad to see him, are not inclined to criticize or compare him with anyone. Perhaps you are his chance to finally create the ideal family he dreamed of as a child, and give your children what he himself did not get as a child. If it is difficult, suggest that your husband see a psychologist.

He is afraid that he will not be able to become a good father.

In order to truly want to becomeTo become a parent, you need to mature psychologically and emotionally. You need to gain some experience, see life in its various manifestations, accumulate your own baggage of knowledge, impressions, reach such a moment of fulfillment when you are ready not only to take, but also to give. If a young man, even a married one, is not eager to become a father, it means that he does not yet feel ready to become the “leader of the pack”. This means that emotionally he himself is still a “child”, and children should not have children. What to do? Probably, you will have to help him reach emotional adulthood. However, this should be done gently, with feminine wisdom, without allowing the ticking of the biological clock to drown out the voice of reason. Remember. That your man is also a living person, and not a robot for fulfilling your desires, not a living ATM and not a sperm donor. Do not press, do not demand. If you want a good father for your child, raise this father yourself - gradually, patiently. Only you are given the power to touch such strings in his soul that he himself asks you to become the mother of his children.

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