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Error 1. Hide the truth

Children under three years of age quickly get used to new peopleand sincerely believe that the man who raised them is a real dad. But the fact that he is not their biological father should not be a secret. The closest person should inform them about it. If a child accidentally learns this from strangers or overhears their parents arguing, they will feel betrayed, because they have the right to know about their family. Such news, received suddenly, causes an aggressive reaction and can even cause the collapse of relationships.

Mistake 2. Consulting

Our whole life is subordinated to children:For their sake we buy dogs, save up for a seaside vacation, sacrifice our personal happiness. If the thought comes to consult with your child about whether you should get married – drive it away. Even if the candidate for relatives is a good person, the child will be afraid of ending up superfluous. Instead, promise that you will do everything possible to preserve your usual life. There are enough people in the environment, from grandmothers to neighbors, who will at any moment call the little one a “poor orphan” whose future is worthy of pity, and this will only confirm the child’s fears. Pay attention to the child, tell him that he is the most important person for you.

Error 3. Require that his stepfather be called a pope

There can't be a second biological father, it's a substitutionpsychological status, and children feel it. When introducing your son or daughter to your chosen one, introduce him or her as a friend or a fiancé. He or she must realize that he or she can only become a comrade, teacher, protector for the stepson or stepdaughter, but will not replace a parent. If you force them to use the word "dad", this can ruin the relationship or even lead to serious psychological problems: loss of trust in loved ones, isolation, conviction of their uselessness.

Mistake 4. Give in to provocation

Subconsciously, the child hopes that the parentsreunite, and will try to expel the "stranger": will complain that he is being offended, will show aggression. The mother should sort it out: gather everyone together, explain that she cares about both of them and does not intend to lose anyone, offer to discuss the problem. Perhaps there is a difficulty, but often this is a fantasy that allows the child to attract all the attention to himself. It is important that the stepfather is patient, does not try to establish rules, take revenge, or use physical punishment. Over time, the intensity of passions will subside.

Mistake 5. Isolate from the father

Do not limit the child's communication with his father, then he will retain a sense of family integrity. He needs to know that, despite the divorce, both parents still love him.

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