But time passes, and the little man begins to check the strength of the exposed boundaries and boundless, seemingly, mother's patience!
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Communication on higher tones is ineffective
The more often we resort to shouting in educationalgoals, the less importance the child attaches to our tantrums, and therefore the more difficult it is to influence him in the future. Yelling louder every time is not a solution. Moreover, each breakdown causes a loving mother a huge feeling of guilt against the background of thoughts that something is wrong with her, that other “normal” mothers behave exceptionally calmly and know how to negotiate with their daughter or son in an adult manner. Self-flagellation does not add confidence in one’s abilities and certainly does not strengthen parental authority. One careless word can so easily hurt a child, and constant scandals will undermine the credit of trust over time
Careful work on yourself
From the outside, a screaming mother looksan unbalanced, cruel-hearted egoist, but I hasten to reassure you: this can happen to anyone, and each of us has the power to fix everything. The first step to healing is to admit the fact that you lost your temper, got angry, but you are not satisfied with the usual form of expressing emotions. The second step is to learn to stop in time (of course, we are not talking about emergency situations when the baby is in danger). It will not work right away, but gradually such pauses will become a habit. When the scream is ready to break out, it is better to take a deep breath, assess the situation from a distance and decide: will the reason for the quarrel matter tomorrow? And in a week, a month or a year? Is a puddle of compote on the floor really worth it for the baby to remember his mother with a face distorted with anger? Most likely, the answer will be negative.
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Do I have to restrain emotions?
It's hard to pretend to be calm when insidea real storm, but this is not required. Firstly, children feel and know much more about us than we are used to thinking, and feigned indifference is unlikely to affect their behavior. And secondly, carefully hidden indignation can one day pour out like a thunderstorm, so restraint will do us a disservice. We need to talk about emotions (then the child will learn to be aware of his own), but try to use "I-messages": not "you are behaving disgustingly", but "I am very angry", not "you are like a pig again!", but "I am extremely unpleasant to see such dirt around me". It is necessary to voice the reasons for your discontent! In order to "ecologically" extinguish a flash of anger, you can imagine someone else's child instead of your own child, whom you would hardly dare to. It turns out that for some reason it is possible to do it to your own? We often forget that a child is not our property and is completely defenseless in front of us. Some psychologists suggest this technique: put yourself in the place of the child who is being yelled at and repeat: "I just want to be loved." This picture in my mind's eye brings tears to my eyes, and the anger immediately evaporates. Inappropriate behavior, as a rule, is just a call for help, it is a signal that the child is feeling bad now, and he simply does not know how to appeal to his parents' attention in any other way.
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Happy mother - happy child
Strained relationship with the child directlyindicate a discord with oneself. Sometimes we cannot sort out personal problems and break down over trifles on those who got under the hot hand - as a rule, on children. And when we make excessive demands on ourselves, do not feel our value, do not allow ourselves to let go of control over everything and everyone, automatically manifestations of "imperfection" in noisy and active kids begin to irritate us wildly! And, on the contrary, it is easy to nourish children with tenderness, acceptance and spiritual warmth, when there is more than enough of it inside. The phrase "mom is happy - everyone is happy" contains the deepest meaning: only by making ourselves happy, we are ready to selflessly give our love to loved ones. Sometimes it is so important to remember about yourself, brew some fragrant tea and be alone with your thoughts and feelings, explaining to the children: "Now I am making a good mom for you!"
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