Why do parents stop being cool dudes and hipsters

When people decide to have children, they are not abouttom think. Think about money, about work, how joint leisure will change, plans for vacation. But in fact, you need to think about something else. The fact that the parent is a "dude who is not cool". If now you are an advanced hipster, it will end. And very quickly. And what is really happening to you: you start doing yoga for pregnant women and wear comfortable clothes. If you are a father, then your task is to grow a beard and every day to tell your wife that she is not fat at all.A photo: GettyImagesThen friends will give you a hipster baby bath and 138 charming suits with leather jackets for babies, of which your child will grow up in about nine days. No one will give you a car seat or an annual supply of diapers, no. God grant, if the gift card falls into the children's store. Then everyone will go to drink martini and "mimosa", and you will be left alone with the child and suits. You imagine that you can continue to lead your Hipster lifestyle, you will still be relaxed and are easy to climb, only with such a small accessory like the dog Paris Hilton in his hands? You can try. There is even a special fashionable sling "Hipster Plus". It costs only $ 170 and allows you to carry the baby in a variety of positions and pretend it's really a fashion accessory. And you can dress a child in clothes from Ralph Lauren. Just do not forget to grab the stole. To hide behind, if you need to feed the child in public. You will also be harassed and exhausted by lack of sleep, you will have to brake and search all the time, where to sit, because the child burst into tears, regurgitated or pissed, but you can still pretend that your life has not changed. But then the child will cease to sit in the cradle from Ralph Lauren and will start running around the restaurant, overturning other people's martins and "mimosas." Your living room in calm sea tones is colored with plastic of all colors. Your white sofa will not be the same again: it is three thousand two hundred and ninety times overthrown and pee written on it. And then you suddenly find yourself cooking dinner, because somewhere to go is too troublesome. And yes, you are preparing some rubbish from semi-finished products, because you are too tired to hold a knife or stand over a stove without falling asleep. A hot tub with foam becomes a dream. You start to worship your TV, because animated cartoons distract your precious child from you and give you a breather. Yes, he looks the box more than it should, but you do not care. Yes, it's not cool.Photo:GettyImagesBut the most significant change in your status will be giving up your cool car. In exchange, you will buy a device that simply screams: "There is no more hope." Yes, I mean a minivan. Or a station wagon. A minibus, maybe. A comfortable (what a vile word), comfortable, roomy family car. Some try to cheat fate by buying SUVs instead of minivans. Like, that way no one will notice that you are no longer a cool dude. Ha. Yes, you have a folding potty and a supply of wet wipes in the trunk, and a car seat in the back seat. A stroller instead of a kayak or a bike. Who are you trying to fool? Buy a minivan, it's more honest. Well, you also stop hanging out in clubs and dancing. After all, you need to get up early to get Tanya ready for kindergarten. For school. And even later, when you don’t need to do all this anymore, you will wake up early – a habit, you know. You want to go to bed early. But you don’t want to dance. “Where are you?” my teenage children once wrote to me indignantly. “It’s late, and you’re not home yet.” It was midnight. I dared to sit up late with friends, and the children were shocked – this had never happened before. I struggle with myself. I don’t allow myself to get into my pajamas before 9 p.m. The children have grown up, and I’m still waiting for the moment when I will stop being a parent, perk up and start living exclusively for my own pleasure. But it seems that this will not happen. However, I will allow myself to quote Elena Malysheva: “This is the norm!”