When the daddy is a bummer
"How tired I am to drag the whole house alone," saysKaterina. - Purchase products on me, cleaning, cooking and even repairing the taps in the bathroom too. And the husband at this time rests on the couch, saying that he has enough work and work. But I'm also working! But the worst thing in this situation is that my eldest son, who is 12, acts exactly like his father. And to my requests for help - to take out the garbage, wash the dishes or clean it in my room - answers: "I'm not a cleaner. I have enough school and training. At home I want to rest. "
Photo: Getty.com The situation with Katerina, unfortunately, is very frequent. Our heroine completely forgot about her needs, carrying the whole house on her shoulders. I forgot that if you do not love yourself, then no one will love you. And what about the husband? Here it is worth considering how we ask for help, at what moments. The man is also a man, and he also gets tired when he comes home from work, he wants to shut up, eat, rest a little. When we greeted him with a smile, fed him, gave him water, said some kind words, he would hardly refuse help after that. And thinking about yourself, do not forget that you are primarily a girl. Try to find it in yourself ... kind, vulnerable, sometimes helpless, because that's what helps a man to remain a man.
When the pope is rude
"I'm even ashamed to talk about it," he begins.his story Alain, - but my husband allows himself to drink and insult me and children. He does not care where we are and with whom, he tears at us all his anger and discontent. In the morning he asks for forgiveness and promises never to behave like that again, but of course, everything is repeated again. I know that the time is near when children copying his habit will also behave with me. Once I read the correspondence of my son, where he called me a fool in conversation with a friend. "It is necessary to understand why a husband becomes aggressive. Yes, alcohol, of course, liberates, but a person does not become completely different. He is still the same, just in a sober state, perhaps restraining his impulses "to offend", "to rip anger". He buys outrage, and then dumps them at you. There is another option: the husband specifically insults his wife in order to elevate himself by humiliating her. Here you can be sure: everything will go on increasing, the abuse will outgrow in beatings. Naturally, the son will copy this model of behavior. First, it will work on her mother, and then on her own family. But from any situation there is a way out. You can, for example, try to give your husband more attention and concern, tell him how wonderful he is, to praise him - but not just for that, but for saying what. For the fact that such a clever, wonderful example for a child. Or, on the contrary, to react to another attack is not as usual, in a different way. This will make the man think.
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When dad drinks
"Imagine, I once heard in the yard thatmy son boasts that his dad drinks more beer than anyone else, "Svetlana says. "This is an achievement!" And then he added: "When I grow up, I can do it too." The daddy for the boy is clearly an authoritative figure. Here you need to talk with your son about your father, but in the right way. To draw the attention of the boy to the positive side of her husband, to what really should be proud of. But it will only be effective if the spouse participates. Perhaps he needs more time to give his son. It can be fishing, football, even just doing something together around the house: a nail shelter, something to fix. Dad will be the pride of his son, and maybe, on the contrary, the son will teach his father something. Well, in the presence of a child, you should not abuse alcohol.
When my dad is a rowdy
"My husband is very pugnacious," he admits.Tatiana - and in the company can fight and on the street with passers-by, and, of course, at home breaks down. I do not touch the children yet, but from time to time I get lost. The girls in the kindergarten always organize fights. Teachers complain about them all the time. If they were told something wrong, they made a face, they immediately put their fists in motion. And they have one excuse: "Dad allows us to defend ourselves." And they are not afraid of anyone. In addition, when I make comments to them, they can attack me too. "To live with a man who clearly has not grown up, gets involved in" cockfighting ", it's like sitting on a powder keg. In such conditions the woman is exhausted not only emotionally, but also physically. The outcomes of the events can be two: either she becomes a co-dependent victim who likes to be constantly sympathized with, she constantly seeks an excuse for him, considering herself guilty; or becomes the same aggressor. In any case, the result is a break. Here, no silence and humility will help you. You need radical measures if you want to maintain such a marriage at all. The spouse needs a push for change. They can serve as a break. Realizing what it's like - without you and the children, it can begin to change to get you back. While you are silent, he thinks that everything suits you.
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When father is unemployed
"My daughter's father has been hanging on my neck for a year now. And he likes this situation of things, - depressed by his family situation, says Elena. - While I'm at work, and my daughter at school, he peacefully snuffles on the couch, and in the evening expects that I'll cook him a delicious dinner. A real dependent. "I'm waiting for a suitable job. I do not want to give it up, "he answers the question when he's already working. Very much I am afraid, that such parasitizing position to associates will be chosen also by the daughter. She already says that she does not want to study and will not be able to just marry successfully. "This situation is a bit like the first behavior of a heroine, a" strong woman ", where the dominant female energy is visible from the first phrase. "Father of my daughter" - so she calls him. That is not a husband, not a loved one. Elena does not respect him for a long time. This man did not change at the same moment, he was always like that, just Elena stopped this. Most likely, he is a "mama's son", his mother adored him, raised him in love, in the hall and in bliss. Screams and scandals such a man at work is not "pushed." You need a little ingenuity and acting skills. Use the "mother's methods": praise for any manifestation of self-sufficiency, convince him that only on it everything keeps and without it in any way.
