Do not get off the mark
Why do you need a child?He was not born to make his parents' lives happy. Our task, as parents, is to make sure that our child can exist independently and prosperously. It is important that he can manage himself, otherwise he will be managed by others. And it is naive to think that you will always be these others. We want our child to be able to take a hit and stand firmly on his feet, right? This means that we need to provide him with not only the opportunity to develop and gain new knowledge, but also the ability to apply this knowledge in life.
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Encourage experiments
Live by the principle “If you want to do something well,"Do it yourself" is very convenient. You don't have to wash the dishes and pick up the broken pieces, you don't have to throw away a new sweater burned by inexperienced ironing, the food will definitely be edible, and the necessary products will be bought in the required quantities. Sometimes just put yourself in the child's place. What will he do when he ends up in a pioneer camp without his mother for a whole month? And when he goes to a collective farm with other students? And will he be able to take care of himself and others if he goes with friends for a barbecue? And what will happen if he has to study in another city and in the future - oh my God! - he will have to live in a student dormitory? Isn't it too late to learn to sew on buttons, fry eggs and think about how to live on a scholarship for a month? At this age, your child will need to learn completely different things: the ability to adapt to a new social environment, and not the ability to peel potatoes and iron clothes. Having basic life skills, a child at any age will not look confused when separated from their parents. They will not need to look for someone stronger and smarter than themselves, cling to informal leaders, make compromises, just so as not to feel like a helpless lost child.
Let the child solve his problems himself
Pity is a poor assistant in education.If you constantly pity a person, solve all their problems for them, the only thing they will get out of it is a wild mixture of victim complexes and their own chosenness. How do you feel about your friends, to whom the whole world owes something? They grow up to be just such coddled children. And then they suffer all their lives, because the living conditions are unsuitable: the partner does not understand, the boss sets impossible tasks, problems arise on their own, but do not want to solve themselves at all, and their own children get out of hand... And is there anything you can do about it? Bow under the blows of fate and patiently wait for it to become more favorable. If you want your child, when he becomes an adult, to be able to find a way out of any situation, show him how to do it in childhood. Do not be afraid to regularly leave him alone with solving his childhood problems. Imagine that the ability to cope with difficulties is a muscle that can only be pumped up with regular training.
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Stop all the prohibitions
"Be quiet when adults talk!"," Don't touch, or you'll break it! "," Your nose isn't old enough to express your opinion! "," I know better what you need! " A child is a very teachable and very loyal creature. And he is also a very trusting person, who would never think that mom and dad could be wrong. Parents for a small child are a form of God's existence, and their word for him is not just a law, but the ultimate truth. Children learn lessons perfectly. "Action is bad, it brings danger, damage and loss. If you want to become a good person, sit and don't twitch" is a logical and generally correct conclusion from what is happening. They quickly and forever stop interfering in other people's business. Therefore, their own business can appear to them only as a result of a happy accident and most often - already in the second half of life. And not thanks to parents, but in spite of their prohibitions, that is, in moral terms, almost illegal. And if you are "lucky" with your child and he is obedient, then he will live his whole life avoiding active participation in this life. And only parents can thank you for this. There is only one conclusion from this: do not interfere with children's lives!
Do not make your love for a child in his chain
Our boundless, unconditional love for childrenblinds and makes us forget about the main thing: that we must teach our children to live independently in a big and not always safe world. The ancient sages raised children according to the principle: "A child is a guest in your home. Feed, teach and let him go." We are not at all against feeding and will gladly teach him everything we know ourselves. But... let him go?! Beloved, precious, the only light in the window - can we be left without him? But the same sages added: "Let the child go his own way, and this way will lead him to you." The child will grow up and go off to build his own life. And so that he can do this as painlessly and easily as possible, parents must teach him to be responsible for his life and make decisions independently.
