Alena Apina's family interview 2015 photo with her daughter

For several years on Tuesdays the singer teachesmusic at the school where her daughter is studying. - The main reason why I decided to do this - because Ksyusha did not like the subject. To my daughter did not know how to play the piano - this is nonsense. For a year, her attitude to music has changed. For the whole class, the first joy was with my arrival that they did not sing. Because in the school program, singing is always present. And for children this is a wild horror, because to the 5-6th grade there already exists a certain facet, or parents built or children suffered, - who needs, he sings. So for them it was an unearthly joy that they come, listen to music, argue with me. I still do not have very classic lessons, I do not rate them, I do not require homework, I just learn them to listen to music. You can not, of course, teach you how to love, but at least listen and understand it. The singer says that she does not have any pedagogical system or methodology. But constant communication with adolescents helped to bring up trouble-free rules of upbringing. Here they are.Photo: from personal archive1. Do not meddle with advice ahead of time. Before, I looked at my daughter as if in a mirror. It was scary. But I was in vain afraid. By the age of 13, Xenia had become a self-sufficient person. With all her artistic data, she turned out to be absolutely indifferent to acting, to the stage, to fame. I thought, I will discourage her from this path, but she does not start a speech. And if even a casual topic arises, Xenia makes round eyes, they say, chur me, chur. I do not know how to relate to this. On the one hand, I also intended to dissuade her from following my path. On the other - how many tips, parting words could give! Xenia's girlfriends listen to me, opening her mouth, every word is perceived as something of value, and I am ready for such conversations, but daughters ... they are not needed. 2. Do not rush everything to explain - you lose trust. And what should I tell her, when she wants to become a fesbeshnikom, then a neurosurgeon? In these professions I can not help her. Ksusha thinks she likes biology and medicine, but I doubt she understands how much hellish labor it will take. Years will have to be crammed and crammed. To explain this is to lose a good relationship. Ksusha waves it off, saying, I say some rubbish, but I think: "Poor girl, how hard it will be for her" .3. Be careful with frank conversations. I have 50 children growing up in my eyes (two classes in which Apina teaches music - note "Antennas"), and everyone develops differently, albeit one-year-olds. Some are still very young, but there are also girls who have more breasts than mine. Of course, now it is difficult for them to understand what is happening physiologically. One familiar girl with tears came to her mother: "I want to be like before. I do not like this new body. " And I understand it, everything is different. Children find it difficult to express, they are simply bad, and here we are with parting words. And they become such prickly hedgehogs. Therefore, I'm still trying to be careful with frank conversations with my child. I understand that I'm walking on thin ice. 4. Agree without an ultimatum. Thank God, my daughter and I still can. We do not have the rules of "do-it-get". Maybe partly because everything is there. Sixth iPhone, ipad, clothes. And for her it is not of great value. Dad and I do not really hold ourselves back. Well, we can afford, why not? Periodically, we start talking about the fact that in the future it should itself buy cool phones and tablets. But our father is sure that the girl does not need to study, it's enough to marry successfully. And I say in my ear: "Well, yes, and then he will find another, and how will you live?" Therefore, Xenia came to the conclusion that just in case something needs to be done, get a professionPhoto: from personal archive5. Take it on a dare.The other day Ksyusha surprised me by making pancakes. And now, when I say, “How can I marry you off when you don’t know how to do anything?” she proudly replies, “Your husband will eat pancakes.” “But he won’t even walk through your door,” I laugh. 6. Soon, we will have a personal life. Don’t panic. Yes, my dad and I are seriously preparing for this future. My husband is trying, albeit with difficulty, to imagine some hairy man wandering around our house. When he voiced it, I was horrified: what a nightmare, but it will happen someday. And we need to treat it differently. The consolation is that everything we just talked about will not happen tomorrow. 7. Don’t teach, but learn. As one boy said about my daughter, “There’s no chance there.” She doesn’t know how to be a sweetheart with guys yet. Strict Ksenia. I would have worried about this at her age, but she doesn’t. Children are different now. We, parents, want to invest so much in them. But in reality, we learn ourselves – they have a completely different, cosmic wisdom, consciousness... 8. It's too early to argue about Chekhov, discuss Steve Jobs. There are teenagers who read avidly. And there are those who don't read, like my Ksenia, but they have no less information and life observations. It's just that the sources are different – electronic. It's hard for me to comprehend this yet. For example, they recently studied Chekhov at school. We were riding in the car and listening to the story "The Diplomat" together. After each line, I laugh wildly. She doesn't understand: "What's funny?" It's even offensive – after all, this is my favorite Chekhov! But I have to give up. Children today have forgotten how to talk, they communicate via SMS, WhatsApp, Instagram. And they constantly take pictures of themselves. Ksyusha has so many selfies! She puts on a new dress – click, gets a new hairstyle – click. Maybe it's not so bad, who knows? But I don't yet have a clear answer to the question of what Steve Jobs did to our children's generation.

Composition about my mother

Photo: from personal archive Kseniya Iratova, 13 years old: I well remember that when I was three years old, I looked at my mother on TV and tried to talk to her, to talk about my affairs. Until now, my mother has no secrets. Some children do not tell their parents anything, we are friends with my mother. Maybe that's why my mother trusts me and resolves a lot. I, for example, have a page in the social network. I have many friends there, we constantly correspond. Basically, these are my classmates or just acquaintances, as well as girls with rhythmic gymnastics. We discuss our school assignments, compete, who will do it sooner. I do not understand parents who forbid children to sit on the Internet. We can not do without it. I thank my mom that she understands this.