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ABOUT RESPONSIBILITIES
"Bored? Do some cleaning." "Stop looking at your phone and get to work." "You won't go for a walk until you do your homework."
Remember, first I do - you look; laterwe do together; then you do, I help; then you do it yourself. The zone in the child's apartment and his belongings is his territory and for you to touch and host there, to indicate how it should be - taboo! This is his territory. Cleaning - together, business - together (ask for help). You can not go for a walk-right, business, time, fun hour. However, let's have a rest for the child, he has already increased the workload in the school, the hormones and the complete mess in the "picture of the world" hit the head. "Oh, do what you want!" (After this phrase, I do not want to do anything at all).So you can say if the repertoire of possibleactions you have already voiced and feel that the child does not perceive your words. Actually perceives. After these words, most likely, will act on one of them. In general, it is better to discuss the consequences of all possible options for action. "Do not forget to vacuum it." "Go for bread." "Download me books from the Internet." "Walk the dog."A child does not owe you anything or anything. These are your duties as prescribed in the Constitution. Try to make your instructions look like a request and write better - forget. All adult duties are not among the interests of adolescents a priori. You do not raise staff. Distribute responsibilities in the family and argue.
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ABOUT BEAUTY
"Have you put on your hat?" "Dress warmer."Definitely. You are responsible for the life and health of the child, but what to wear - let me choose. He does not want to wear a hat, let him take it with him. "One skin and bone." "Did not eat anything again?" "What did you eat?" "Why do you eat sweet? Eat at first normally. "" Enough to lose weight. "" But because you need to eat. "" Eat, it's already reached already. "Start a tradition - eat with your family. Food should be tasty and attractive. Try to understand what happens to the child. If you feel wrong - go to specialists! "All your friends do (wear, eat, look, read, etc.), and you do." And then you say, "Well, after all, everyone does it," and they respond: "You're not everything."Take the bar higher! Refer to the fashionable stars that can be an example. Do not you find it? Glossy magazines to help, they have teenagers in the trend.
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ABOUT DISCIPLINE
"Go, just not for long!" "Where are you going?" "You only sleep at home, I don't see you during the day." "Are your friends more important to you than us?"Is it more important for teenagers? Naturally! One of the tasks of adolescence is to learn how to communicate with your peers, find your niche in a team, be able to defend your interests, compete. If your child does not learn to do this, then it can become unsuccessful and complex. Do not understand with whom you are friends and worried? Invite his friends to the pies and be in the know. And in general, remember yourself. We all disappeared in the yards for days on end. And, if today there is a chance to make a phone call and find out how things are and where your child is, our parents did not have such an opportunity. So what? You did not like your parents? However, there is a curfew, I referred to him, and when the son reached the age of 16 and introduced a document of local legislation, I had to refer to the Constitution of the Russian Federation, where it is said that the child is under 18 years of age. This way excludes your responsibility for the regulations on time. "Are you going to sleep tonight?" "All go to bed, tomorrow to school."It happens when a child is concerned about something,passionate. The computer before going to bed is definitely a ban. Games disinhibit the nervous system, and to fall asleep, even with all desire, will not happen quickly. If the child has increased anxiety, talk to him, maybe a bath with foam or massage will help. And enter the rule: the question "How was your day?" Will allow you to be with the child in contact and close relationships. "You are already adult, you have your head on your shoulders." "She's the youngest!" "Well, be smarter, calm down first! "This is the fate of all older children in the family. It will be better if the hierarchy is built in a logical way - the younger ones obey the elders and the problem will be solved. "So, Madam, I do not like your behavior." "I need to talk to you very seriously."Well, do not scare so, for directive methodsenough teachers in the school. This word "madam", as well as the transition to the full name and name-patronymic, you are distancing yourself, and a confidential conversation will not work. Do you need to get out or do you want to shout out loud? No? Do you want a result? Change the tone. "And we said!" "I could not think of anything better!" "Mom will not advise bad." "It's all because of the computer."It is better to say: "When this is done, usually this is the result." Just remember this. How could, and thought up, as far as experience allows, or rather, his absence. Behind the computer, watch for yourself, this is an unambiguous regulation, not negotiable: determine how much time and when the child can spend for him. And if, because of your employment, you turn a blind eye to the fact that the child is sitting in online toys, it's your fault. "What's your fault?" "Dash, do not row."Such answers are possible if the child has lostsense of reality of what is happening. I'm sure if you say so, the child will have a stupor and a break in templates. But it will bring you to life, bring it back to "here and now". In other cases, this is unacceptable. Children will behave exactly like you, remember this. "Have you forgotten anything?"Transparent. Tell me exactly what you mean. If you are concerned about whether the child has collected everything, teach him to make a list and collect things on the list. Give children more tools, teach how to do, and then ask. The skill was not fixed - we pass to the strategy "doing together", etc.
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ABOUT FUTURE
"When you get married, then..." "When you give birthchild, then and…”“When you raise children, then and…”“When you retire, then and…”“When you get married, then you’ll be smart!”“When you grow up, you’ll find out”“When you live alone, then get yourself at least 10 dogs.”Such phrases are an empty sound for the child. So parents say, who do not have arguments, then everyone turns to personalities and shows power. Find arguments more interesting. Do not know what to say? Give yourself time to recover and calm down, read books on the topic, talk with your girlfriend. Find the arguments and calmly talk with the child. First, listen to it and try to understand. Talk about responsibility, give an example from your own life. "Well, when is the wedding?"A stupid question for a teenager.Don't turn your first feelings and rehearsal of relationships with the opposite sex into a grotesque. This is serious work for your child. How many strategies and tactics do you use in your relationship with your other half? Give your child the opportunity to experience bright feelings, unburdened by mockery from the closest people. "The appearance of a car in your life will interfere with your studies."The car must be earned or earned. If the child is studying well and demonstrating responsible behavior, there is no cause for concern. If he likes to skip school and enjoy life more than he wants to develop himself, he will certainly interfere. "Working in the bodies is not a woman's business."We are all different, I know many women who didcareer in the bodies. Everything depends on motivation and family values. Career guidance will provide adequate answers, not a subjective one's opinion. "We must learn to" 5 ", and then they will not take to work."This you need to boast in front of friends, and whenemployment, the insert with estimations is interesting to nobody. Do not deceive the child, find other methods of motivation. I had this: "Before you will take exams in the academy, you will have to submit a report card with grades. If you are at least 10 times golden, the one who will initially assess the candidates for selection, does not even know how good you are if the table has bad marks. Assessments give more opportunities, rating, raise self-esteem, talk about you as a man who aspires to his dreams and knows how to "take" heights. " Ask why the child has bad grades, maybe he has a conflict with the teacher, or maybe he needs your help and additional lessons.
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