Joint births have become increasingly common lately.more popular. By law, any woman can take her husband with her to the birth - and the maternity hospital has no right to refuse her. And they also have no right to demand money for this. But few people use this right. They prefer to pay - they consider childbirth under a contract to be somehow more reliable. Some take not a husband, but a mother with them. And now Ruslan Trofimov, a lawyer specializing in the protection of women's rights, proposes to legalize the opportunity to take with you not only a husband or mother, but in principle any person. A friend, girlfriend, sister. After all, it happens that you can't invite your mother with you, and your husband is not there - he went on a business trip, or is absent in principle. Ruslan Trofimov believes that this is the only way to respect a woman's rights during childbirth. - It happens that various manipulations are performed on a woman without asking her permission, and without even informing her. This is wrong. And if there is a "support group" with a woman, you will have to ask, - the lawyer is sure. And while politicians are discussing the issue, we decided to discuss - should you take your husband to the maternity hospital with you or not? We will not unequivocally state that it is right to leave your spouse waiting for you at home. And we will not try to convince you otherwise either. We will simply introduce you to two stories of two women and the opinion of an expert - an obstetrician-gynecologist. And you will decide for yourself - to be or not to be.
Natasha, the mother of the 3-year-old daughter: "With two hands" for "
I realized that I would never give birth alone –I heard a lot of heartbreaking stories about the rudeness and indifference of doctors in maternity hospitals. My imagination painted a picture: I, alone and scared, am lying in the delivery room and screaming: "I'm giving birth!", and no one comes to me. No way! I decided to take my husband - let him supervise the work of the doctors, and there will be someone to bring me a glass of water. Fortunately, I didn't have to persuade him.
A photo: GettyImages I expected that we will be together only in fights, and at the end the spouse will leave the door. It turned out exactly the opposite. The contractions were almost painless, and I dismissed my husband on business. However, attempts came earlier than I had hoped. When the husband returned, he immediately fell into the thick of events: I literally climbed on the wall in pain and wished that I had not asked for anesthesia on time. Then we worked in pairs - I tried to give birth standing, and he held me from behind, pressing fingers at some magic points, in order to relieve the pain. I will say at once - this is complete nonsense! In a terrible hour no massages will not save. But when I took a horizontal position, my husband's help was palpable: he held my head and encouraged me in every possible way. And when my daughter was born, he first put on his cap with socks and took him in his arms. Thanks to him, we have photos of the first seconds of our crumbs' life. By the way, all this time the doctors were polite and did not depart a single step. I do not know what I would do without my wife, when I was transferred to the ward and terribly wanted to eat in the middle of the night. Some friends had to dissuade him: "A smart woman will not lead a peasant to childbirth! During the fights, you'll scream, crawl on all fours and swear at the floor! Are you not afraid that he will stop loving you? "I replied that if a man can only love me with makeup and a smile on his face, and my suffering is not ready to see, then the price is worthless to such a marriage. Yes, and who said that only a woman should be puffed up for reproduction of offspring? In sum, I could say that during the birth I behaved calmly like a boa constrictor: it's embarrassing to get unstuck when a man looks. His wife, too, did not have to pump out from a swoon, he even liked the new experience. Then he told me that he would have worried much more if he had sat at home and did not see what was happening. So if I decide to go on labor again, it's only with my husband!
Irina, mother of 5-year-old son: "Strongly against"
I'll tell you honestly:At first, I really wanted to give birth with my husband. He, of course, was not thrilled with the idea, but his opinion was not taken into account. Having read beautiful stories like: "He massaged my back, and the pain magically subsided", I decided: I want it, period! No, somewhere in the depths of my consciousness, of course, the thought flashed that the idea, perhaps, was not the best. But... Maybe if my husband had driven me to the maternity hospital already in labor, everything would have happened differently. But I was admitted to the prenatal ward with late gestosis a week before the hour X. And when the contractions began, I realized that I did not want to see next to me during this process, not only my husband, but also my own mother.
A photo: GettyImagesAnd that my father will be today, I informed my wife about nine o'clock in the morning. On his crazy: "Go?" Barked: "No!" And I never regretted my decision. Do you know why? First. Of course, I understand that my wife should be loved in any way, even in make-up, even without him. And the natural processes, yes, I also understand. But. The processes are different. What do you think, why do mummies in fact before delivery, forgive for physiology, do an enema? Yes, so as not to get embarrassed at the birth-bed. I, sorry for the intimate details, embarrassed. Apparently, I was doing it, but they did not finish it. And since at that moment I was already under epidural anesthesia, I did not even feel it. Only by smell I realized that something is wrong. Now that's funny, and then it was embarrassing even to the employees of the hospital, although they comforted me, they say, we have here and it does not happen. But I'm not sure that I would like my husband to see this "natural process". The second. Are you sure of your spouse's spiritual balance? Yes, yes, he is not your mother's son, does not faint at the sight of blood and all that. And I'm here, with your permission, literally quote one of her husband's arguments: "If I see that it hurts, it's bad, I'll carry the whole hospital down there." As you understand, I was both hurt and ill. But this is normal in this situation. Therefore, I left my husband at home, and the hospital remained intact. The third. And also very important. Do you think that by dedicating your husband to the sacrament of childbirth, do you leave him without any personal feelings and experiences? My dad told me that I probably never thought about myself, my family, my life, past and future, as on the night when my mother gave birth to me. How worried he was, how he waited for news. This is also an important emotional part. In general, my husband personally did not come in handy during childbirth. I never once thought: "Oh, what a pity that he is not here." We had a good talk on the phone, it's good to take him with us to the maternity ward. I chatted with him, corresponded with friends, called up with my mom. And it distracted me more than a possible massage. And she received her own personal pleasure from the fact that she said this phrase: "Dear, you have become a pope." Yes, he saw his son not at the time of his birth, but after an hour and a half. But from this he did not love him less. And if I decide to go to the hospital again, this will again be my personal sacrament. After all, nature is so ordered not in vain?
Specialist's word: "I'm not sure - do not go"
Marina Aist, midwife, head of the club forfuture mothers "Aist", blogger: - I would like to say that the main thing in this matter is voluntary and mutual desire! In no case should you force a man if he not only doubts whether he will be useful in the maternity hospital, but he has a firm position that childbirth is not a man's business! Marina warns: the spouse must be prepared for the process. Considering the peculiarities of the male psyche, you must not just give him clear instructions on what and how to do, you must rehearse these actions. Then during childbirth there will simply be no time for unconstructive experiences and panic.
Photo:GettyImagesIt would be useful to tell him in plain English what the reaction to contractions might be, so that everything that happens does not become a shock for him.In addition, it is necessary to teach men the rules of interaction with doctors. Men should understand that the main thing in this whole process is the child, and doctors do everything to help him be born.— Of course, a woman feels more protected and confident in such labor.The husband becomes an intermediary between the woman in labor and the staff, - Marina believes. - He can even support his wife by the shoulders when she is pushing on the delivery table, if he has decided to "go all the way". Due to the fact that the woman is calmer and more relaxed next to her husband, labor is faster and less painful.The specialist reminds: the husband can not only watch how the doctors process and weigh the newborn, he can record all this on video for the family history.Well, as for the possible intimate consequences of male participation in labor ... - There is only one piece of advice: if he is not ready, do not take him with you. You shouldn't conduct an experiment on the psyche of your loved one, with whom you are going to live happily ever after, - warns the obstetrician. Nowadays, there are other ways to get support during childbirth. A woman can take a friend or older sister as a partner, etc. You can give birth under a contract, when you will have "your own team". You can take a doula or a psychologist to the birth. Not all regions practice this type of assistance, but in large cities, doctors are more progressive about partner births. There are even options when a woman gives birth with both her husband and a doula. - Personally, I am in favor of every woman giving birth having a kind, understanding, patient and trained person next to her! After all, at this very time, a woman participates in a great miracle - the birth of a new life. In order for everything to end well and a healthy baby to be born, she must have assistants! - Marina Aist is sure.
