I got sick. Child, girl, 6 years old.She has everything that his parents, for example, could only dream of in childhood. The family lives, albeit not in luxury, but in comfort. She is entertained with all her might - and no return. Not the slightest movement that would indicate that parenting efforts are in any way appreciated. You waste time, money, mental strength, your whole world revolves around her alone, and she ... And as if everything is twisting in her stomach from resentment: why is she so ungrateful? The psychologist tried to answer the question of what to do to parents with their resentment and ungrateful a child. Especially if conversations on the topic do not help: the child still wants to do only what he wants. Or falls into despondency, depression, looks at the world with exceptional longing.
Photo: GettyImages “I'm 41 years old.My parents were very concerned about my well-being. Physical. But to be honest, my brother and I have never set the tone for family entertainment. My father loves to look at churches (especially the old ones. And the ancient ones), and we spent quite a few weekends looking for the church that my father heard about somewhere. My brother and I sat in the backseat without any gadgets, listening to music that our mother loved, and no one asked us if we enjoyed a weekend like this. Nobody asked if we were interested in buttresses or naves. We knew that we were going, and no one set himself the goal that we were the ones to get pleasure. Were we bored? Sure. But now my brother and I sometimes like to look at a beautiful church. Something of these walks is left in us. So, here it is, the previous generation of parents: they did not really care about making their children happy. And now? Parents are obsessed with entertaining their child. Excursions, parties, vacations and vacations - parents' lives are completely focused on children. We plan our weekends at our own expense, but so that the children are happy. And this is wrong. It can take years for a feeling of genuine gratitude to develop. The ability to feel gratitude requires high empathy and empathy, requires mental sensitivity. I can't appreciate what you're doing for me if I can't understand how you feel. How reasonable is it to expect a six-year-old to appreciate your sacrifice enough to be grateful for it? That he will match your expectations with his feelings? Hardly reasonable. No, there are, of course, those six-year-olds who are sensitive to the mood of others. But not often. The average six-year-old seems like a black hole that consumes all your attention, hopes and dreams - without a trace and without a return. They are unhappy and ungrateful. Why is that? Is your child born selfish? No, not at all. He is a child. Of course, he thinks first of all about himself, and not about your feelings. He would have to understand himself for a start. And you are trying to give him too much. As much as he doesn't really need. You're trying too hard, and he needs you to stop trying to make him happy. Stop planning entertainment for him. Forget your grudges. And stop talking to him about the need to be grateful. What for? It doesn't work.
A photo: GettyImages The more we try to please the child, the more we provoke him to bad behavior. Our desire to make him happy at any cost drives us into dependence on the mood of the child. Children begin to control our mood, our plans, destroy our self-confidence and fairly correct our life style as a whole. It sounds paradoxical, but when you stop all your efforts to awaken gratitude in your child, your relationships will change for the better. The child will cease to feel as if he is responsible for your feelings. Of course, he will not like that his interests have ceased to be the most important thing on the agenda. But over time he will relax. Give him this time. And in the end, take the time to just be with the baby. Just talk, just listen to it - without comment and criticism. Read together, walk, collect a puzzle, dance - do anything, just to be close, dispensing with moralizing. Tactile and eye contact, better than a thousand words, will say that the baby is very important to you. And if you just listen to it without criticizing, the child will stop continuously proving that it is important: it will be so clear. It will take time. So be patient, be kind to your child. Perhaps, you will have difficult minutes, but a simple reboot will not happen. Good luck to you. " See also:
