It hurts. To the child, to the girl, 6 years. She has everything that his parents, for example, could dream of as a child. The family lives, albeit not in luxury, but in comfort. She is entertained with all her might - and no return. There is not the slightest movement that would indicate that the parents' efforts are of any value at all. You spend time, money, spiritual strength, your whole world revolves around her alone, and she ... And as if everything is twisting in the stomach from offense: why is she so ungrateful? The psychologist tried to answer the question of what to do to parents with their offense and ungrateful child. Especially if the talk on the topic does not help: the child still wants to do only what he wants. Or falls into despondency, depression, looks at the world with exceptional longing.
Photo: GettyImages "I'm 41 years old. My parents took good care of my health. Physical. But honestly, my brother and I never set the tone for family leisure. My father likes to look at churches (especially old ones and ancient ones), and we spent a lot of days off looking for a church that my father heard somewhere. My brother and I sat in the back seat without any gadgets, listening to music that our mother liked. Nobody asked us whether we like such a weekend. Nobody asked if we were interested in buttresses or naves. We knew that we were going, and no one set as our goal that we should have fun. Was it boring? Of course. But now my brother and I sometimes like to see a beautiful church. Something from these walks in us remains. So, here it is, the previous generation of parents: they did not really care about making their children happy. And now? Parents are just crazy about how to entertain their children. Excursions, parties, vacations and holidays - the parents' life is completely child-centered. We plan our weekend to the detriment of ourselves, but so that the children are happy. And this is wrong. It takes years to develop a sense of sincere gratitude. The ability to experience gratitude requires high empathy and the ability to empathize, requires mental sensitivity. I can not appreciate what you are doing for me if I can not understand how you feel. How reasonable is it to expect that a six-year-old child will appreciate your sacrifice enough to be grateful for it? What will he compare your expectations with your feelings? It is hardly reasonable. No, there are, of course, such six-year-old children who are sensitive to the mood of others. But not often. Typical six-year-olds seem to be a black hole that absorbs all your attention, hopes and dreams - without a trace and without recoil. They are unhappy and ungrateful. Why is that? Is your child a born egoist? No, not at all. He is a child. Of course, he thinks primarily about himself, and not about your feelings. He would have to figure out for himself first. And you try to give him too much. As much as he really does not need. You generally try too hard. He needs you to stop trying to make him happy. Stop planning for him to have fun. Forget your grievances. And stop talking to him about the need to be grateful. What for? It does not work.
Photo:GettyImagesThe more we try to please our child, the more we provoke him to misbehavior. Our desire to make him happy at any cost makes us dependent on the child’s mood. Children begin to control our mood, our plans, destroy our self-confidence and significantly adjust our lifestyle in general. It sounds paradoxical, but when you stop spending all your energy on awakening gratitude in your child, your relationship will change for the better. The child will stop feeling like he is responsible for your feelings. Of course, he will not like that his interests are no longer the most important on the agenda. But over time, he will relax. Give him this time. And in the end, find time to just be with your child. Just talk, just listen to him - without commenting or criticizing. Read together, go for a walk, put together a puzzle, dance - do anything, just to be near, without moralizing. Tactile and visual contact will tell you better than a thousand words that your baby is very important to you. And if you just listen to him without criticizing, the child will stop constantly proving that he is important: it will be clear anyway. It will take time. So be patient, be kind to your child. You may have difficult moments, but rebooting is not easy. Good luck to you." See also:
