Before you start throwing stones at me,let me introduce myself. My name is Natalia, and I'm not, not an alcoholic. I am the mother of a teenage girl. My beautiful Alexandra turned 16. Fine age, right? Romance, bloom, youth - everything that we have left in the past, is often wrapped in a romantic fleur. But the parents of the still toddlers that their little boys will someday become teenagers think with horror: "These are hormonal wars, whims, riots - see how the current youth behave. Well, how to make a tattoo? Or a tunnel in the ear? Or maybe, he will start smoking, drinking, early sex, abortion ... "There are plenty of things to screw around. But is it worth it?
Photo: Instagram.com
Theory of difficult age…
All these riots and protests that are so fearedmodern parents (and ours were afraid too), they are just out of a desire to demonstrate their adulthood. Remember yourself - after all, we also once discovered vices and carnal pleasures. But all these experiments did not result in a storm of marginal passions, right? And to whom did we prove our coolness and adulthood? To our peers - yes. But I think that we proved it primarily because our parents, who until recently were idols for us and in general everything-everything-everything, did not consider us, teenagers, equal to themselves. And in vain. Of course, young people lack experience. Of course, their judgments can be overly romantic and categorical. But the intellect at this age is already well developed, and you can't argue with that. And if you managed to instill in your child the ability to make decisions independently, then it's all the more time to stop treating him like an unreasonable child. Is it difficult? No, it's not difficult. By the way, nowadays it's customary to assert oneself among peers not by experimenting with one's appearance and youthful alcoholism (although that too), but by using one's brains. Nerds are in fashion these days.
…and practice
From reasoning to experience.For some reason, I wasn’t afraid of adolescence. Although I was a real treat myself – discos, boys, I tried smoking in the 9th grade, and quit only 10 years ago. By the way, under the influence of my daughter, for which I thank her very much. “Ugh, what a disgusting smell,” my six-year-old fairy once curled her nose. And that was it. As if it was cut off. But Sasha – she’s fine. You see? She studies, plays sports, is interested in writing software for Android. At the same time, she’s not deprived of boys’ affections. The girl is pretty (I’ll note this without false modesty). Lots of friends, including in our house. Youthful experiments with appearance? Well, of course. Sasha has five holes in her ears, and her hair is periodically dyed crazy colors. But I admit, I don’t see anything terrible in that. She got her piercings done with her own money, the money she earned for the first time. I helped her dye her hair - better with a tint shampoo than in a hairdresser for half her life. And I myself have four earrings in my ears... Not to mention a couple of tattoos that made my mother clutch her heart. And meanwhile, I am the most popular mother in the stream. Sasha's friends like me on Facebook, and I chat with them in the comments.
A photo: frame from the film "If I Stay" Picture from the exhibition, and only. Did you notice that she does not have a dad? He really is missing in our life. We divorced a distant 12 years ago, he has another family, he remembers his eldest daughter, frankly, infrequently. Perhaps, thanks to this, too, we with Alexandra became best friends. Here it is, the key one. We are not just a mother and daughter. We are friends. Of course, I can growl and quarrel. And I apologize too. For a very long time I used to perceive my daughter as an independent being, and not some kind of my appendage. Therefore, more often we just agree. And in general - we talk. We discuss our boyfriends (yes, I have them, and Sasha knows about them). Her classmates and classmates. We even gossip about teachers. We go together to drink coffee or ride a bicycle - better than the company simply can not imagine. Well, and ignore the opinion of a friend, especially when it comes to a matter of principle for him, - would you do so? I'm not. And she knows for sure: I'm always on her side. And even if Sasha kills someone and eats, I will sincerely believe that she had no other choice. And I firmly believe: she will answer me with the same unconditional support.
And here is the conclusion
Here, perhaps, it is worth making a reservation. I am 35 years old.I gave birth to my daughter early, at 19. Perhaps that is why it is much easier for me to find a common language with her. After all, I still remember those feelings that whipped my thoughts into a wild soufflé of thousands of ingredients. Does this mean that the crisis of adolescence is not the child's crisis, but your own, growing out of the difference in generations? It is possible. After all, it is not the crisis itself that matters, but how you perceive it. Mothers often perceive the child as a project. And they mold this project out of him by any means, with satanic persistence. And the personality of the child itself falls out of the process. Maybe it is not even a matter of age. But how ready you are to tell your child: "You are an adult. I love you, and I believe in you." And sincerely believe it. To be a friend or a mentor: which path do you choose?
- For a child, parents should be an indisputable authority
- Alas, often you have to use a whip, so that later in life the child was easier. A child will appreciate it when he grows up
- I prefer the child's happiness to discipline; we are on equal terms.
- I'll write my version in the comments.
Voted: 156 Be a friend or mentor: which path do you choose?
- For the child, parents should be unquestionable authority 17.9%
- Alas, often you have to use a whip, so that later in life the child was easier. The child will appreciate it when it grows to 25.0%
- I prefer the discipline of a child's happiness, we are on equal 51.9%
- I'll write my own version in the comments 5.1%
Voted: 156
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