By the time my son first discoveredI had read a lot of different literature on the topic and reacted calmly to his research interest. By three years, the situation began to heat up: the son practically didn’t get his hands out of his pants. All explanations about the fact that it is not necessary to do this in public were broken like peas on the wall. Forcibly getting his hands out of the sataniches was also meaningless - the son had already spitefully shoved his palms back. “When will this end? - I asked mentally. - And what to do with it?"Photo: GettyImages

Researcher interest

"Look how he looks at his hands!"Oh, and now he's trying to catch himself by the leg," the parents and other close associates are touched. Closer to a year, children discover other interesting features of their bodies. And by three, they begin to thoroughly examine them. This is where parents get nervous. Yes, we are talking about the genitals. Practicing psychologist and mother of many children Larisa Surkova:Already in 7-9 months, being without a diaper, babyhe touches his body, discovers certain organs, and this is absolutely normal, sensible parents should not have any worries. There is a tendency to make mistakes: shout, scold, frighten: “Stop it, or you will tear it off,” and do everything to consolidate this desire. After all, children are always waiting for a reaction to their actions, and what it will be is not so important.The reaction should be extremely calm. Talk to the child, explain, even if it seems to you that he does not understand anything. "Yes, you are a boy, all boys have a penis." If this word injures your psyche (although I believe that there is nothing wrong with the names of the genitals), you can use your own definitions. But still I urge you to include common sense in their name: tap, cure and cock are not very connected with the object in question.

Attract dad

Of course, a mother and her baby are more closely connected thanfather. This is physiology, nothing can be done about it. But at the moment when the son begins to actively demonstrate his gender, it is very important for the father to join the tandem of mother and child. It is the father who should explain and show his son what kind of man he should be. “I am glad that you are a boy, and it is great that you are also happy about it. But in society it is not accepted to demonstrate one’s masculinity in this way. Love and respect are acquired differently, by good deeds, by correct actions” – conversations in this vein will help to overcome the crisis. Psychologists advise involving the boy in men’s affairs, as if shifting the emphasis from the anatomical level to the symbolic: fishing, for example, playing sports. If there is no father in the family, let another male representative talk to the baby – an older brother, uncle, grandfather. The child should learn that he is loved as he is, but his belonging to the male sex imposes certain obligations on him.

Own angle

The boys soon discover that they are gettingpleasure from mechanical effects on the penis. And although it is too early to talk about masturbation as such, parents begin to panic. There are cases when a boy grabs his penis in moments of anxiety. For example, when he is scolded or forbidden to do something. If this happens systematically, it is worth thinking about it, because the child is thus looking for and finding peace, a kind of consolation. It is good to offer him another way to cope with his worries - to do some kind of sport, yoga, or even spin a spinner. And most importantly - give the child his own space. His own corner, where no one will go, where the boy will be left to himself. He will still study his body and let him do it without the most destructive feeling that a parent can cause in a child - a feeling of shame.Photo: GettyImages

Girl games aren't scary

As they grow up, many boys try onthe role of girls: they wear skirts, headscarves, even jewelry. And again, there is nothing wrong with that. “When gender identification occurs, some children need to completely play the opposite role in order to give it up,” says psychotherapist Katerina Suratova. “When boys play with dolls and girls play with cars, this is a completely normal phenomenon. It would be a mistake to focus on this negatively, humiliating the boy. Especially if the father does this. Then the role of such a big and strong father may be beyond the child’s strength, and it is possible that he will lean toward the role of a soft and kind mother.” And at one fine moment, the boy will understand that he is a boy. And he will immediately fall in love: with a teacher, a neighbor, a friend of his mother. And this is normal.

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