For most of us, raising children is thean important matter in life, but often we are not ready for it - at least in school or university this is not taught. Therefore, parents who feel competent in other areas are uncertain about the treatment and care of the child. They can rely on their own flair, but sooner or later they find themselves in difficulty: how to take care of the child in the best way?
Observe or educate
The first method is “educate by observing” by DeborahSolomon, a follower of the famous Magda Gerber, who opened schools for parents all over the world. Deborah in her book "Baby Knows Best" adheres to a simple point of view: the baby knows what he needs. From the first days of life, he is an individual. And the job of parents is to observe the development of the baby, to be sensitive and attentive, but not intrusive. Children (even babies) can do a lot on their own: develop, communicate, solve their little problems and calm down. And they do not need all-consuming love and overprotection.
A photo: Getty Second approach to the education of babies from Tracy Hogg, a recognized expert in the care of newborns, which is known throughout the world as "whispering to the young." She worked with the children of Hollywood stars - Cindy Crawford, Jodie Foster, Jamie Lee Curtis. Tracey in his book "Secrets of the Fallen Mom" claims that everything is the other way around: the baby is not able to understand what he needs. The parents' business is to direct it and help, even if it resists. It is necessary to designate the boundaries for the baby as early as infancy, otherwise there will be problems later. Now let's talk about each method in more detail.
Boundaries, norms and daily routine
Followers of the "Educate by Observing" method do notrecognize the concept of the norm in the development of the child. They do not have clear instructions on what age the child should roll over onto his tummy, sit up, crawl, walk. The baby is an individual, which means he develops at his own pace. Parents should be attentive to what their child is doing at this moment, and not evaluate him or her or compare them with an abstract norm. Hence the special attitude to the daily routine. Deborah Solomon advises to take into account the needs of the baby and satisfy them when required. She considers blind adherence to the daily routine stupid.
A photo: Getty Tracey Hogg, on the contrary, is sure that all the stages of the development of the child can be concluded within certain limits, and the life of the baby should be built according to a strict order. The upbringing and development of the baby must obey four simple actions: feeding, activity, sleep, free time for the mother. It is in this order and daily. Establish this mode of life is not easy, but only thanks to him you can properly raise a child, I'm sure Tracy.
Children crying and affection for parents
Многие родители считают, что нужно скорее Run to the baby's crib as soon as he starts whining a little. Tracy Hogg is of the same opinion. She is sure that crying is the first language a child speaks. And parents should not ignore it under any circumstances. By turning our backs on a crying baby, we are saying, "I don't care about you." Tracy is sure that babies and children over one year old should not be left alone for a second, because they may need an adult's help at any moment. She is so sensitive to baby crying that she even offers parents instructions on how to decipher crying. Staying in one place for too long and without moving? Boredom. Grimacing and pulling their legs up? Flatulence. Crying inconsolably for about an hour after eating? Reflux. Deborah Solomon, on the contrary, advises giving babies freedom. Instead of immediately intervening in what is happening and “saving” your child or solving his problems, she advises to wait a little while the child cries or whines. She is sure that this way the baby will learn to be more independent and confident.
A photo: GettyMom and Dad should teach the baby to calm down on their own, give him the opportunity to sometimes be alone in a safe place. If parents run to the baby at the first call, then he inevitably develops an unhealthy attachment to his parents, he disaccustoms to be alone and does not feel safe if his parents are not around. The ability to feel when to hold, and when to release the child - this is a skill that is required constantly while children grow up.
Sleep
Tracy Hogg is known worldwide for hercontroversial (but very effective) "wake to sleep" method. She advises parents of babies who wake up frequently at night to intentionally wake them up in the middle of the night. For example, if your baby wakes up every night at 3 a.m., wake him up an hour before waking up by gently patting his tummy or putting a pacifier in his mouth, and then leave. The baby will wake up and fall asleep again. Tracy is sure that by waking your baby an hour earlier, you are disrupting what has become part of his system, and he will stop waking up at night. Tracy is also against such methods of putting to sleep as rocking, which are common among parents. She believes that this is the path to haphazard parenting. The baby gets used to being rocked every time before going to sleep and then is no longer able to fall asleep on his own, without physical influence. Instead, she suggests always putting the baby in the crib, and to help him fall asleep, gently rock him to sleep and pat him on the back. Deborah Solomon believes that nighttime awakenings are normal for babies, but to prevent the baby from confusing day with night and falling asleep immediately after you feed him, she advises not to turn on the overhead light, to speak in a whisper and to behave calmly. Deborah is also sure that you should not run to the baby if he suddenly wakes up. First, you should wait a little, and only then approach the crib. If you run right away, the child will form a dependence. When I cry, Mom comes. Next time, he will cry even for no reason, just to get your attention. Being a parent is perhaps the most difficult thing in life. But if you are consistent, learn to clearly set boundaries and restrictions, listen to the desires of your child, but do not follow his lead, then the process of growing up will be enjoyable for both of you. To raise a child by following strict rules or to observe, giving the child quite a lot of freedom, is the choice of each parent. Based on the books “The Child Knows Better” and “Secrets of a Sleepy Mother”.
