Add fuel to the fire and the latest amendments to thepart 1 of Art. 116 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation "Poboys", which came into force on July 15, 2016, according to which parents who punish their children with a slap are treated as criminals.
A photo: Getty images "For me, the family has always been a source of love, care and protection," says Natalia Kurnosova, the mother of a one-year-old son. - I grew up in an ordinary family, was an obedient child. Sometimes, quite rarely, I got it from my mother. Yes, I was offended. But I understood that I got it. And never, I never would have my mom put in for this. In addition, there are extreme situations where you have to act quickly, and not call the child to prudence. For example, any sane, adequate, without sadistic inclinations parent, will pull his child, if he runs to the roadway under the car. And at the same time it can hurt him. Under his trial for it? Mom and Dad will not be replaced. "
Human factor
From July 15, for “educating” a child with a belt orspanking, the parent bears criminal liability or is punished with compulsory work for up to 360 hours, or correctional labor for up to a year, or restriction of freedom for up to two years, or forced labor for up to two years, or arrest for up to six months, or imprisonment for up to two years. It is worth noting that this amendment was not considered separately, but as part of a package of amendments on decriminalization, which is why it was adopted. But the speaker of the Federation Council Valentina Matviyenko assured that work will still be carried out on this provision and additional adjustments will be made in the fall. In the meantime, the law is in full force and effect without adjustments, Woman's Day turned to lawyer Alexander Berezhnoy for comments. "Is this a threat to parents? Of course, yes, if parents cannot, do not want to see in the child the same person as themselves, have neither the knowledge nor the skills of proper relationships, act under the influence of stereotypes absorbed from childhood. And certainly not, if parents find a common language with their children, when there is peace, harmony, mutual understanding in the family, where each family member is valued as an individual, where a sense of freedom for each and a sense of responsibility for the choice made in the model of their behavior is cultivated. True, we are not able to influence the perception of the situation by other people. Someone said that we see the world not as it is, but as we are. From this I conclude that a situation that seems ordinary to us, another person, a government official, an agency may perceive from the opposite perspective. The human factor intervenes here, and no one is immune from this. Unfortunately, sometimes legal mechanisms, which in themselves are intended to serve the benefit of people, are used to the detriment of these same people. In general, I support the very idea of juvenile justice, but it must work with equal efforts in all areas that fall within its competence. That is, there should be equal measures of prevention (although this direction should be a priority), and prosecution, and education, and training, and the inevitability of punishment.”
Photo: Getty images
Do not punish, but teach
Many parents may be outraged:How then can you influence a child if you can't always stop him even with a slap on the bottom? And the correct word here is "influence". "What is punishment? It is always an act of violence, an attempt to show who is the boss here," says educational psychologist Elena Khoteeva. "And the methods come from the parents' own childhood experience. And punishments are always accompanied by feelings of helplessness, irritation, guilt. It certainly doesn't get better." But how can you do without them, how can you raise a disciplined child? There are more effective methods of influence.
Photo: Getty images1.Time out, or the popular kindergarten method of “sit on a chair” and think about your behavior. But it is important not to leave the child to think under the influence of his own anger and irritation. Otherwise, it is the same act of violence. You need to convey: you will sit down now, think, calm down, and then come to me, and we will discuss everything. The child should know that you do not reject him and are ready to accept him at any moment. This method is effective for children aged 5-6. 2. A situation of choice. Dialogues and exhortations will not help little ones. But a choice without a choice is quite good. “We are going to the store now. Which T-shirt would you like to wear outside?” The choice should be realistic, such that both options suit the parent. A mistake would be: “Are we going home or are you staying here?” An equally effective method is motivation. “Let's go home, there is a huge ripe watermelon waiting for us there!” 3. Deprivation of pleasure. The child must be warned about this method of influence in advance. "If you don't put your toys away in five minutes, we won't watch cartoons tonight." But if you've warned them, follow through. There should be no concessions. Otherwise, don't threaten. Inconsistency gives the little person a loophole and a way to manipulate you. And the hysteria that the child throws to watch cartoons without putting away his toys should not confuse the parent. Don't want to put up with the screaming? Offer him a substitute - we won't watch cartoons now, you haven't fulfilled the terms of the agreement, but I can read you a book.
Photo: Getty images4. Strict voice.It makes sense to use it when you want to stop some action. And here it is important not to forbid, because in this case the matter will only become more attractive, but to offer an alternative. There should always be something that is possible and what is right. In addition, it is necessary to explain why this or that action is undesirable. If you stop but do not explain, the child will not have a cause-and-effect relationship, which will inevitably lead to similar offenses. 5. Formation of clear boundaries, a certain system of requirements. When mom allows what dad forbade, and grandma ignored mom's prohibition, as a result the child completely loses his bearings and does not understand what is expected of him. Also, the reaction to the same actions should be adequate in all adults. For example, a child hit his mother on the cheek. Mom was indignant, made it clear that this was bad and unpleasant, and grandma laughed nearby, saying that the child was fooling around. What should the child think? How to behave next time? The actions of adults should be unambiguous and consistent. With a certain system of requirements, the child will not need additional educational methods. “We will not teach parents the correct attitude towards children through law,” continues Elena Khotyeva. “Just as we will not teach children anything through punishment. We need to dispel the ignorance of adults so that we do not have to pass such laws.”
Photo:Getty imagesContinuing the psychologist's thoughts, I would like to add a few words from the author. I would like to think that I belong to the category of thinking parents who are constantly searching for new correct methods of interaction with children. Therefore, I am sure that juvenile justice and the adopted law do not threaten my family as well as thousands of other families, where the mother sometimes allows herself to spank the child on the bottom out of helplessness. But with adults who systematically raise their hand to children, we need to work. But not to influence with a two-year imprisonment, but with compulsory long-term (say, for two years?) consultations with specialists - psychologists and psychotherapists. Maybe this way society as a whole will become healthier.
