Remember this joke that when a motherone child, she irons the clothes, and sterilizes the nipple every time she falls to the floor, and when the three children - thank God that the child eats the cat's food, and does not climb into the trash? It's so funny because it's based on pure truth.Photo: GettyImages

Attention and happiness

"With the first child, I changed the diaper right away,how he became wet. With the second ... his diaper sagged solidly under the booty before I paid attention to it. Because of this, I feel like a terrible mother. " Tatyana, mother of two sons (Tima is 4 years old, Max is two) .- We assume that the more we care about the child, the better, says child psychologist Angard Rudkin, the father of three children. "But many children need more personal space than we leave it, being too intrusive. It turns out that hyperopecia is not always good. It is more important here that the second child has experienced parents. In addition, there are always a lot of people around him. The kid, as a creature originally social, feels it. And he has a sense of security, he needs it. Besides, the amount of attention is not as important as his quality. "Even if you do not immediately approach the child, when he demands it, he will not suffer emotional harm. If, of course, the expectation is within reasonable limits, says the clinical psychologist, Dr. Rachel Andrew. - If you try to give each child an equal amount of care, from you most quickly there will be nothing left. And then the kid learns patience, and it's not bad either.

Trust your intuition

"With Sara we had a whole bunch of evening rituals- plenty of splashing in the tub, massage, a lullaby, a book ... With Anna, I'm so tired for the day that I hastily rinsed it in the bathroom, telling a short story before going to bed - that's all. But they both sleep, it's good for them - and we lived another day. The same result! "Eugene, mother of two daughters (Sarah 5 years old, Anne year). It is very important to feel your child. And trust your "inner radar", and not some dogma as to how much communication your child needs every day. "Children themselves will tell you how to behave," says Dr. Rudkin. - If they feel great, playing with a wooden spoon or their bottle, let them do it. If they become anxious, perhaps they really do not have enough of your care. All children are different, and that works with one, may not work with another. And always remember - you are the best mom for your child. - Sometimes parents forget about themselves because they climb out of the skin, taking care of their child, trying to satisfy and anticipate all of his possible needs, - says Dr. Andrews. "But we must remember that you are also a human being." And you also have needs. Moms who have many children eventually get used to the fact that someone is always whimpering. And this someone - every time different. And they learn to juggle their own and others' priorities. It's not easy - because the sense of parental guilt comes into play .- You always blame yourself that not everything is perfect, you do not succeed. Stop it! And before the depression near. It is better to ask yourself what your child really needs here and now and what you can give him. It turns out that you all can, - advises Dr. Andrews. Actually, the second child is good. After all, the second child always has a company for games, the one who will stand up for him at school and tell you how long you can experience parent patience.Photo: GettyImages

Wines before the first

"I always follow very closely thatMasha ate, as she behaves at the table. And her older brother can porridge on the table figuratively smearing about ten minutes, while I notice it. From the side it may seem that I do not think about him at all ... "Julia, the mother of the three-year-old Arthur and the one-year-old Masha. Irina Chistyakova, a psychology teacher, a Gestalt therapist, a consultant in the field of clinical psychology, tells the reverse side of the second child's syndrome: - To many Russian mothers are more prone to a sense of guilt over the older child, because he has to pay less attention than before. They treat a psychologist with a problem of jealousy between children, and in fact they try to cope with their own feelings of guilt and emotional dissatisfaction. And if the difference in age between babies is small, then the hormone failures associated with pregnancy and breastfeeding add to the fire. Psychologist advises about the disruption of the endocrine system should you contact specialists, you will be prescribed the course of the necessary drugs, vitamins. It is equally important to bring to the aid of the husband and relatives. Let them help you to distribute attention between children so that there is a separate time for everyone, a separate one for joint games and a separate one for oneself. If these measures do not help, you can turn to a good psychotherapist for a family consultation. And do not forget to tell your children how much you love them, how precious they are to you. Often, adults do not attach much importance to words. But children constantly need confirmation. This will help build a trusting relationship with the child, and you - to cope with feelings of guilt - added the psychologist.

Comments

comments