Any parent wants his child to grow upself-sufficient personality, but not everyone is ready to make efforts. And it's not a matter of laziness. Many compassionate mothers and grandmothers are so much frightened by the dangers of the surrounding world, real and imaginary, that they are not ready to leave the baby for a second. At the same time, the kid is often not a kid, but quite a healthy, mature teenager, but it does not get any easier - he and the room will be removed for him and all decisions will be accepted. And then they are surprised that the baby has already experienced puberty for a long time, and it has not learned how to wash socks. Larisa Surkova:
Do not tailor your life to children. If you build a child in your own, you will not lose yourself. And this is very important and valuable for you and for children. Infantilism is not a diagnosis, but a long-established norm, now even a special term was invented - the "crisis of a quarter of life". Sufferers of this terrible disease 25-year-old adults do not feel that way, they perceive and behave like children. And then some other scientists proposed to move the upper limit of the transition age to 24 years - soon there will be continuous Peter Panas. Someone may think that there is nothing wrong with this, but sooner or later we will have to face the harsh reality all the same . Certainly, having realized the full gravity of their situation, infantile can turn to a psychologist for help, but it is much easier to teach a child than to retrain an adult. Hence the only logical conclusion is that children need to be taught independence, and the earlier, the better.
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The main mistakes of parents
Raising independence in children isa long, painstaking process that requires truly angelic patience. There are several common mistakes that most moms and dads probably make. 1. "I'll do it for you" Some basic things are really much easier and faster for us to do ourselves than to wait for our little one to cope with them: tie shoelaces, put things away in a closet, even bring a spoon to his mouth. And yet, it is important to give children a certain amount of freedom and forgive them for their mistakes, without which no learning takes place. If a child tells you: "I'll do it myself!", you should not dissuade him. Nor should you scold him if he fails. 2. Overprotection A very common and one of the saddest models of upbringing. Don't go anywhere, don't talk to anyone, stay home and read books. It is clear that letting a 6-year-old child wander alone through dark streets is at least a reckless idea, and in general, dangerous. But if you keep him in a golden cage, he will never know what is out there in the big world, and will hide behind his mother's skirt all his life. Really, why make decisions yourself if your parents will do it for you? And if you do something wrong, they will take responsibility for it. However, moderation is important in everything: excessive indulgence and permissiveness will lead, oddly enough, to the same deplorable result. 3. Mom and Dad Didn't Agree An independent child is a self-confident child, and therefore try to avoid inconsistency in your own actions. If mom praises you for the same thing and dad scolds you, your child simply won't have the courage to do something himself, because you can get a slap on the wrist for anything.
We are responsible for what we did
So, we've sorted out the errors.But these are not all the pitfalls. Simply giving the child freedom is not enough - you need to explain what kind of animal it is and how to behave with it. Both adults and children must be responsible for all their decisions and actions. This does not mean that you need to raise young Spartans, but there should be no situation of permissiveness in the house. Let's say your son asks you for a car, you buy him a toy, but on the condition that he will treat it with care. A few days later, only spare parts remain from the car, and the child asks for another one. On the one hand, you cannot give in to him, after all, you agreed, and he did not keep his word, on the other hand, putting him in the corner on peas also makes no sense. A sufficient punishment for him will be the need to answer for his actions - to sit without a new toy. It is very important for the child to have a role model - someone he admires. It is good if this is a hero close to him in age and behavior. For example, the main character of the animated series "Ben 10" (aired on the Cartoon Network channel). He is only 10 years old. At this young age, he becomes the owner of an alien watch, with the help of which Ben can turn into superheroes. Very soon, Ben has to understand that this device is not a toy, because with its help you can save the Earth, but you can also destroy all of humanity. Surely many boys and girls would dream of being in Ben's place, which means he can be used as a role model. This approach is also good because the new model of behavior is not imposed, but presented in an attractive form.
Photo: GettyImages
You are no longer in school
Children should be able to keep themselves busy.Almost all moms and dads are working now, and it won’t be possible to rely on grandparents forever. Of course, if you put a child in the middle of an apartment and let him go wherever he wants, this experiment will most likely end in a mass pogrom. What can you do in this case? Allocate a place where toys, books, creative materials and everything that might be interesting to your son or daughter will be stored. Just explain first that if they paint a sheet instead of a sheet of paper, they will have to sleep on it later. Of course, you shouldn’t expect a three-year-old to cook borscht for the whole family and re-glue wallpaper – everything has its time. It is important to remember that everything is individual here, all children develop differently and you shouldn’t force them to do something that they are simply not capable of yet. However, general trends in personality development are still visible. Young children, from 1 to 3 years old, can already put their toys, clothes and other items in the right places. They are quite capable of making basic decisions, such as what kind of blouse to wear today: red or blue. Preschoolers can already be entrusted with simple chores around the house: watering the flowers, setting the table, feeding the pets and, of course, cleaning their room. When a child goes to school, their studies begin. Specifically theirs, not yours. Therefore, let them do their homework, pack their school bag and fill out their diary. In a word, it is necessary to introduce children to the concepts of "independence" and "responsibility" from a very early age, then it will be much easier for both you and them to grow and develop together.
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