In Yekaterinburg, a psychologist made the boy wash his mouth with soap for abusive abuse: details

A photo: Gettyimages "Lego Camp" works during the spring break. However, in one of the sessions there was an incident that "blew up" the Internet. The journalist Olga Tatarnikova wrote about it in Facebook: "Can a teacher make a child wash his mouth with soap? I dont know. But when I was looking at the crying boy with foam from my mouth, my heart bleated. Next to him stood a teacher and said that from a swear word, like a lump of dung, you have to wash yourself. The boy roared, said that he had already washed, and she forced to repeat the procedure again. "Sasha, 8, was injured. Woman`s Day asked to comment on the participants of the unpleasant history and psychologists. The boy's boy Olga spoke very dry: - The incident is over.In the spring holidays, the children were engaged in"Lego camp" Photo: "Yeltsin Center" Elena Volkova, representative of "Yeltsin Center": - Yes, this situation took place. The boy, who was engaged in our "Lego camp", for several days swore profanely. He could not be influenced by the words, so the teacher Olga Amelianenko, who is not an employee of the Yeltsin Center, accompanied the boy to the bathroom and asked her to wash her face and lips with soap. He was told that this was in order to "wash off" of abusive words and not do so anymore. But we had already had a conversation with the teacher, we asked not to practice this in our walls. Of course, we talked with the boy's mother, who confirmed that her son swears a lot. And she is not offended by the teacher, because she hopes - this will help the guy not to swear, because the mother herself can not cope with this. After the incident, he joined the group and continued his studies. When we asked what he thought about this situation, his first question was: "What situation?". Evil boy does not hold Olga.Olga Amelianenko is the same psychologist. She has a completely different version of what happened. She told Woman's Day that the situation described by the journalist was taken out of context - the boy did not cry and did not hysteria. And with her mother, and with Sasha Olga had good relations:Photo: GettyimagesWe have trainings for ages 6 to 11, where wewe analyze different human qualities: kindness, courage, honor, confidence. The classes are held during the children's holidays. Today was the third day. And during these three days, a wonderful boy comes to me who swears. Not loudly and for everyone to hear, but on the sly. This is how he tries to assert himself. Today he wrote a swear word on a piece of paper and started showing it to other children. I took him out and began to explain that swear words are dirty words that "litter" speech, have a bad effect on a person - you can even get infected (I am a fairy tale therapist, so I work through metaphor). I added that this is so serious that even I can get infected, because I heard these words. Our conversation sounded something like this: "Do you live in a decent society?" - "Yes, in a decent one." - "Are you a decent boy?" - "Yes!" – “And decent boys in decent society should not swear.” We came to the bathroom and agreed that we would thoroughly wash our hands with soap, then our faces. And even wash the “dirt” off our tongues with a little foam. The boy did not cry, he did not have a tantrum – this is the first time I have heard this from you. Of course, he was not happy that he was caught swearing, and now he needed to “wash himself off.” But if it had been with a smile, he would not have learned the lesson from history. But he listened to me, agreed and did everything himself. After that, he asked me not to tell anyone about it. And I am very sorry that now I have to break my oath. After this incident, we returned to the group together, the child came to me, we built figures and drew together. We remained friends. The boy is wonderful, and he has the sweetest mother. We talked to her, and she admitted that they have the same problem at school, and she hopes that my method will help. Soap is one of the methods. If someone doesn't like soap, use toothpaste and a toothbrush. The main thing is to remain a friend to the child, to be on his side. Show that you are not scolding him, but helping. Then your connection will only get stronger.Photo: GettyimagesWoman's Day asked two more child psychologists to comment on the situation.Psychologist Galina Zaripova:I assess the situation described in the media -that there was in fact, we do not know. The fact that this is illegal is for sure! We have an Administrative Code that evaluates this act as emotional and physical violence if the child really cried and asked for it to stop. This is an inefficient method to wean the boy to swear. All that the 8-year-old child will take from the experience that happened: "With this person you can not swear, otherwise I'll get it." If Mom herself tried to talk with the child, but this did not help, then the question arises about the nature of the conversation. Usually such conversations bear notational character when the adult from the position tries to explain to the small person how it needs to live. And in child psychology there is a simple rule - you need to offer something in return. Why does the child foul language - repeats someone's behavior? Expresses anger or joy? Having found out this, teach the child to express the right emotions correctly. Maybe this is his way of communication, and he does not know how to do it. It would also be useful to have a conversation with other children from this camp. We need to ask them how they relate to the fact that among them there is a person who swears, maybe it would have affected the boy. And, of course, at the very beginning, in the camp, they had to explain the rules of behavior, no matter how banal they were. Psychologist Natella Kolobova:It seems that the biggest problem in this situation wastraumatized female witness (Olga Tatarnikova). We do not know what can and cannot traumatize a child. The same situation for one will be “what a terrible trauma”, and he will go to psychotherapists with it for the rest of his life. Another will come out of the same situation calmly, shaking himself off. I know one thing for sure: in difficult situations there must be a reliable, adequate adult nearby who can: explain this situation; contain (that is, withstand the child’s strong feelings, live through them with him); support. A boy who regularly breaks the general rules, thus “requests” the presence of a strong adult who will set him strict boundaries, rules and requirements, but on whom he can rely. Mom, apparently, does not cope with this very well. Therefore, a psychologist, teacher, coach can act in such a role. Therefore, the psychologist acted as a mouthpiece of social norms. Although in her place I would not force him to wash his mouth with soap. Brrr… I would come up with something else, for example, I would introduce a system of fines for swearing in the group.