Tell the truth

The child is not blind, and he sees perfectly well that insomething is wrong in the family. The parents are irritated, there is either screaming or oppressive silence and mom's tears in the house. Nothing is clear, but something terrible is clearly happening. It is better for you not to know what frightening conclusions the child can draw from this. Put yourself in his place. In general, do this more often, at any convenient opportunity ask yourself the question "How does he see it?" - and you will never lose contact with . The child needs to be told the truth. No matter how difficult and scary it is. No matter how old he is, he is also a member of the family and has the right to know. He is much more scared than you are - he does not understand what is happening at all, and is very worried. Without going into the reasons, just say that you are getting a divorce, it is not scary, everything will just be a little different now.Photo: Getty Images

Develop a fear of loss

Explain to your child that mom and dad are not going anywherewill disappear, that they will be constantly present in his life. Mom will no longer have a dad, and dad will no longer have a mom, because they decided so themselves. And the child will still have both a mom and a dad. It's just that now one of the parents will live in a different place. And if before you went for walks together - the three of you, now you will walk separately, and there will be no other special differences. In conversation, always try to maintain a confident tone. The child needs to understand that the parents are in control of the situation, that what is happening, although unpleasant, is manageable, and everything will be fine.

Tell your child about love

Most of all, the child begins to fear thatnow they may stop loving him for some reason. You need to explain to him the difference between love for children and love between a man and a woman. Mom and Dad grew up on their own, met and fell in love. And now they have decided to break up because they are no longer interested in each other. Then time will pass, and they may fall in love with someone else - this is normal and will not affect their love for the child. And a child is a part of mom and dad. Parents love a child just like that, not because he is so good, but because he is their child. It is impossible to just stop loving a child for some reason, this does not happen, such love is forever. Love for children is not at all like the love of a man and a woman, it is different, it is stronger, and there is no need to compare them. And hug your child more often. He really needs to feel protected now.

Remove the guilt from your child

The child almost always takes the blame for the divorceparents on yourself. You didn't know about this? Yes, he may be sure that his parents are getting divorced because of him. Because he... Then there may be a long list of childhood sins. Your task is to explain to the child that he had nothing to do with the divorce. Tell him that your love with his dad (or mom) is your business with him, and no one except you can decide for you what to do. That when the child grows up, he will also have a personal life, and he will also decide for himself how to build it, because he will become an adult. Apologize to the child for the fact that it turned out this way.

The child is not a bargaining chip

Using a child as a tool to achieveyour goals are not allowed, period. Look for other ways to influence each other with your ex-spouse, there are many of them. You cannot manipulate the opportunity to communicate with the child. You cannot divide the child like movable and immovable property. If one of the parents takes this slippery path, he or she must realize: any child will sooner or later grow up and understand that he or she was used as a commodity. And then it is unlikely that you can count on his or her love and respect.Photo: Getty Images

Do not scold the ex-child

For you, your ex-partner can be anythingbad, and you have the right to do so. But the child does not need to know this. For a child, parents are a single whole, regardless of whether they live together or apart. The authority of parents for a child is so high that it is comparable to the attitude towards God. Parents are people who know exactly what is allowed and what is not, what is right and what is wrong. For him, they are the bearers of the ultimate truth. When parts of this whole begin to re-evaluate themselves in front of the child, the child's world begins to shake very strongly. Not only relationships with mom and dad begin to crumble, but also the basic attitudes of “good” and “bad”, “can” and “cannot”, and so on. This is dangerous for his own self-esteem, which in childhood is directly related to his assessment of his parents. The better a child's mom and dad are, the better and more valuable he is. If one of the parents suddenly becomes bad, the child begins to consider himself worse. If you want your child to be smart, tell him that he has wonderful parents. Try to refrain from discussing the reasons for the divorce in front of the child. He will grow up and understand everything himself when he is ready for it. And he will thank you.

Always online

No matter how your relationship with each other develops,each other, each of you also has your own relationship with the child. These relationships need to be protected, they are very valuable for the child and necessary for his development. If you love your baby, never interfere with his communication with the second parent. Unhindered communication with parents allows the child to maintain his integrity and openness to the world. The more harmoniously the baby develops, the easier it will be for you when he grows up. There is no need to count how many hours of communication each person is entitled to. If possible, let the child choose when and how much time he will spend with each of you. Give him this freedom. He will not go anywhere from you, on the contrary, with each year he will be more and more grateful to you for such trust.

Comments

comments