Beats - does not mean "loves"

Early morning, I take my daughter to kindergarten.Entering the locker room, I hear a familiar voice. - Come on, don't get distracted, put on your pants! - grumbles the mother of Platon, a notorious hooligan and the main bully in the group. The boy turns away, humming a song, which provokes his mother even more. - Why are you so absent-minded?! If they complain to me again today that you hit someone, I don't know what I'll do! - And instead of a farewell kiss, the parent gives Platon a slap. The boy cries and runs to the teacher to complain, and the mother slams the door in her heart. And I already know what will happen in the evening: the woman will again have to listen to the teacher's story about her son's pranks. A vicious circle, from which, according to the psychologist, there is only one way out - to stop the assault.Photo: GettyImages Larisa Surkova:- When a mother beats a child, it inevitably leads tothat he would repeat after her and offend other children. Even if there is no battering in the family, but mom and dad communicate in a raised voice, the child will mirror it. It is a common story when parents are surprised: “We do not beat each other, why is the child aggressive?” Are you sure that you don’t beat each other with a word?

Mom, away from Instagram!

If a child doesn’t obey, it’s not just like that.You can blame it on a midlife crisis or geomagnetic storms, but the fact remains – your child desperately demonstrates something to you, but does not want to interact. Paradox! Stop and find the reason for what is happening. Maybe you live only in your own interests? My daughter used to throw a tantrum before going outside for a long time. It was worth saying: “Eva, get ready quickly, we have to go,” and she would have a bunch of things to do – watch cartoons, go to the toilet, drink juice. Almost every time we got ready, my daughter would cry and I would be in a bad mood. For a long time, I thought that she was just making fun of me, until I learned from a psychologist that it was a child’s particular perception of time.Photo: GettyImages Larisa Surkova:- This is a common situation:Mom, sipping tea and scrolling through her Instagram feed, remembers that she is late for the clinic. She starts to rush the poor child, and he continues to play. Mom screams, slaps him on the back of the head, the baby has a tantrum, and the woman gets even more irritated. The child does not have a built-in chip to be able to quickly follow commands! He was playing - why should he suddenly jump up and run somewhere? Children cannot quickly change their ways. To make sure the child hears you, set aside time for this, for example, half an hour. Say: "Buddy, come on, put away your toys, we are going to get ready now." Repeat this phrase after 5 minutes. And do this 3-4 times. Describe that now you will walk down the street, you will see large snowdrifts, it will be interesting. You need to prepare to leave the house in advance.

Big brother is watching you

If you look at the world through the eyes of a child, you cansee a lot of interesting things. And most importantly, it becomes clear that their picture of the world is fundamentally different from ours. But how can you do this - get into the head of a little person? 3-year-old Vanya can eat and dress himself, but recently he began to demand that his mother put his sweater on him and feed him with a spoon. And if his mother is busy or does not want to follow her son's lead, the baby turns on the "hysteria" mode.Photo: GettyImages Larisa Surkova:- Definitely, this is a way to attract attention.Remember what has changed in your life and family recently. Maybe you were too busy and he just misses attention? Or is he jealous of his brother or sister? Some families install cameras in their apartment for this purpose and watch the recording every day, analyze their words and actions. This is how many parents came to the understanding that the problem is not in the child, but in them.

Reach the handle

But it happens that no advice works,and you understand with despair that there is no way out. If the child has become completely uncontrollable, it means that at some point you have lost the thread that connects you, the thread of trust. Think about when and how this could have happened. Many factors contribute to this. For example, the parents are totally busy, lack of patience, or switching to another child in the family. It will not be easy to improve the relationship, but you are obliged to do it. Larisa Surkova:— Start rebuilding contact.Live communication and genuine interest in the child's life are sacred. When raising children, try to take their opinion into account, and not just bend your line. Do not betray or deceive the child. For example, you promised your son to give you Lego for his birthday. The boy was happy, lived for it, and suddenly on the eve of the holiday he hears: "You won't get anything, you behaved badly/finished the quarter with Cs!" Every time you are about to scold or punish your child, put yourself in his place. Ask yourself: would I like what I am doing now? How would I feel? Remember that the little child you once were has not gone anywhere. It still lives inside you, hidden far, far away, but it can be awakened.

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