Why Moms Yell at Their Kids - Personal Experience

Act One. Parking hypermarket. Evening, the car becomes more and more. Acting persons: I and my companion are a young man of five years. We go hand in hand to the car. At some point, a man with a sharp movement twists his palm out of mine. How did you manage? Still do not understand! And rushes in the direction of the roadway. The stunt! He decided to show the trick, Karl! I barely had time to grab him by the hood. In time: a passenger car, which cannot quickly brake on slippery ice, just slips past. Three seconds I gasp for air: from words that I could say, not a single censor. What I do later is probably a reflex. With a swing attached to the children's fifth point. Don't hurt, no. Winter overalls save from unpleasant sensations. But offensively and, I dare to hope, intelligibly. The young man sobs loudly. A passing mom with a peanut in a stroller looks at me with horror. Yes. I have hit. His. ChildPhoto: GettyImagesSection Two. The same characters are walking. “Tim, don't eat snow! The child pulls the mitten from the mouth. But then she pulls her back there again. "Tim! Again, she pulls back." Mom, go ahead, I'll catch up with you. I take a few steps, look around. And I see him trying to stuff a handful of snow in his mouth. Little remark: we just cured a sore throat. Our eyes are meeting. Mkhatovskaya pause. "Timofey! No, not even like that." TIMOTHY !!! My scream is tearing eardrums. The child wanders home. His whole view expresses active repentance. For a few minutes I feel uneasy. Exactly until such time as he tries to hold the elevator doors with his hands. I shout again. The mood, frankly, spoiled. Complaining friend. In response, she sends me a link to an article on one of the "mother's" forums. There are a lot of such self-flagrant texts on the Internet, and they are very popular. Something from the series “I'm a disgusting mother, I screamed at the child, he was so scared, I was so ashamed, I would never be again, honestly, honestly, honestly.” You can sprinkle ashes a million times on your head, wring your arms around, beat your heel in the chest, and you will still miss your head and fall on your forehead. Assure that never again, you can, as much as necessary. Sorry, but either you are cunning, or you are a robot. I think that everything will happen one way or another. Because you are not ideal, because your child is a small Skoda. And fatigue and nerves jerked nobody canceled.Photo:GettyImagesVery often I get this argument in arguments. Like, why not go and yell at your boss if you have no other arguments. Why not punch your husband when you run out of arguments. Seriously? Are you as responsible for sexually mature adults as you are for your own flesh and blood? At five or six years old, children still have a poor understanding of what death or danger is. You can tell them a million times that a car can run over you. That an electrical outlet can shock you. That if you fall out of a window, you will no longer exist. And you can say this endlessly until your tongue wears out. But #thisisachild. He does not understand the full gravity of the situation. The concept of "never" in relation to himself is completely absent. "I'll die and watch you cry." But there is a fear of punishment. And let him be afraid of his mother's spank now, rather than stick his fingers in a socket or trustingly follow a stranger on the street. - He can be seriously punished, - my friend tells me, having heard the story about the car. Yes. But later, when the danger itself is eliminated. And when you are inside the situation, screaming is a stopper. Hear - stop: what you are doing now is dangerous! Yes, I understand, a blow is not normal. A slap on the hands or on the bottom is also not normal. And screaming is not normal. But there are situations when it is necessary. May juvenile justice forgive me. At the same time - I will not hit a child with something heavier than a palm. Cords from electrical appliances, wet towels in my understanding - are already elements of sadism. - I will not say: "You are bad!" My son knows that I am angry not at him personally, but at his actions. A child cannot be bad, what he does can be bad. - I give him time to think and understand the situation. He must understand for himself what caused the conflict. And then we will discuss it. - I will apologize to the child if my breakdown is the result of my bad mood. That is why sometimes it is worth taking a three-second pause to understand why scattered toys make you angry today, if yesterday you did not even react to it. - Once I told him: remember, no matter how much I scream, no matter how much I swear, I love you very much. Yes, I get upset about many things. And that is how I react. And I scream because I am offended that you are such a smart girl and do such things. It seems to me that he heard me.