Child psychology: what can not be said in the presence of a child

“I didn’t mean it at all”, - explain thatyou are not understood, then it will be useless. No one is obliged to search in your words for subtext and hidden meaning. If you say something out loud, be prepared for the fact that children will take all of this at face value. Therefore, as it was said in one of the once popular advertisements, it is sometimes better to chew. And today we publish seven of the most harmful phrases that can be uttered in front of children. Note - not even the children, namely, with them. No matter who. But more often such phrases are addressed to the spouse - or the spouse. “You're too sensitive.” Too for what? Or for whom? Who ever determines where normal sensitivity ends and starts too sharp? “Such a statement devalues the feelings of your spouse. You seem to say that they have no right to be upset, offended, hurt, ”says psychologist Kimberly Hershenson. - No one can dictate to you what you should feel. These are your feelings, and you decide. "Photo: GettyImages2."I don't care" "If your spouse asks for your opinion, the answer "I don't care" is, at the very least, impolite. You are openly stating that you are not interested in what he is babbling about," the psychologist explains. There are more polite ways to say that you do not care what is for dinner, for example. "I am so tired and hungry that I am ready to eat even an empty plate." "Everything you cook is delicious." Just don't complain later. 3. "I'm busy" It seems like you are together, but at the same time you are incredibly lonely. Phrases like "I'm busy" just contribute to the feeling of being unwanted. If you are really busy with something important, this is understandable. But if you’re just scrolling through Facebook on your phone or checking your email, you can take a few seconds to look away. “These phrases send the message that you don’t care enough about them to take a break from your day,” says Kimberly. 4. “I need to go on a diet, I look terrible.” “Derogatory comments about yourself can affect your children’s self-esteem,” says Fran Walfish, M.D., a psychotherapist. “If your child sees you standing on the scale every day and whining about how fat you are, they may develop an unhealthy idea of how they should look and how they should feel about their body.” Remember: everything you say can become a pattern for your child. Anorexia, bulimia, other eating disorders and addictions – you don’t want to “reward” your child with all these joys, do you? 5. "I told you so!.." This phrase has never made anyone cuter. Why remind a friend, spouse, or relative once again that you were right and they were wrong? The main meaning that children get from such a message is that the main thing is to be right, not to achieve a common goal. And also that you don't need to defend your opinion, suddenly it is wrong, and they will rub their nose in his mistake for the rest of their life. 6. "Look what you've done." The most unconstructive remark in the world. Yes, you will shame your interlocutor, awaken a feeling of guilt in them. You will make them feel antipathy towards you, perhaps. "Instead of derogatory remarks, it is better to think together how to correct the mistake so that everyone is happy," advises the psychologist. "Mistakes and failures should be perceived as a chance to learn something, and not to be known as a loser." 7. "You don't do anything for the family"A very common reproach that can be heard from both husband and wife. Women reproach their spouses for not helping around the house. Men claim that the wife is lazy because she is on maternity leave or simply earns less. Both are bad practices. It would be good for men to learn that household chores take no less energy than shuffling papers in the office, and sitting with children is not a task for the faint of heart. And if the husband provides for the family, it would be good to be able to be grateful for it.