Do not you think that we very often listento someone else's opinion? And we do not just listen, but we also fulfill all the requirements that an outsider dictates to us. And like adult educated people, and as susceptible to criticism and condemnation. Why? How to stop depending on someone else's opinion? How to learn to manage your life? Let's first determine when it is useful to listen to the words of strangers. First of all, it is necessary to take into account the opinion of the person who for you is an indisputable authority, for example, a teacher. You will not dispute the fact that students know much less than a teacher? And it's not scary. After all, they came to this educational institution in order to master certain mandatory disciplines, learn something new, get the necessary education. And who, if not the teacher, is the best guide to these goals? Dependence on the opinions of others is often useful in the case when, on the basis of a lack of knowledge and experience, you do not and can not have any idea of ​​the way to solve it on your own. For example, you decided to buy an apartment on credit. But at the same time you absolutely do not know which bank to apply to and what loan conditions to choose. Ask your friends. This is exactly the option when comparing a few people's opinions can do a good job. Better yet, go to the bank. A skilled worker will be able to provide much more help than the so-called "word of mouth". And we advise you to walk around different banks and compare the information received. Where did they offer you more favorable conditions? So go to the financial institution. But it is desirable with a lawyer, since it is better not to sign important documents yourself. Here's to you one more example, when dependence on someone else's opinion, or rather, the ability to listen to practical advice, can be very helpful. Relying on others, taking into account and taking their point of view, is also necessary in case you are sick and called a doctor. After all, the diagnosis of a medical specialist is also an opinion. Therefore, rely on him is simply necessary for a speedy recovery. But, of course, in disputed situations, the conclusions of one doctor about the patient's health are sometimes not enough. In such cases, it is worth consulting with other doctors. But in any case, it will be the opinion of a specialist, rather than the patient himself, that becomes decisive. Therefore, dependence on someone else's opinion is sometimes very useful. However, there are people who are so worried about what thoughts their action or decision will cause in others, that they are afraid to step too, relying on their own discretion. This behavior is very difficult to live. There is an impression that behind your back you are invisible and direct your thoughts and actions, not allowing you to make your own choices. Now let's imagine that you set a goal. And on the way to its achievement is not only your doubt (but did I decide correctly?), But also the notorious public opinion. By the way, if others do not accept your point of view, this does not mean that your belief is mistaken. It's just different. Do not be afraid to differ from others, think differently, say things that no one has even heard of. But be prepared at the same time for resistance. Nature does not like dissent. Even the white crow is pecked in the nest by her brothers and sisters for the fact that her feathers look different. Let's learn on simple and useful examples about how to become independent of someone else's opinion.

Towards a goal: working on yourself

To look back at others did not prevent you from reachingdesired goals and results, it is necessary to carry out careful work on their inner worldview. It's like a revision in a wardrobe, when you have to sort through the things lying in it. Putting aside those that have long been out of fashion, worn out or become hopelessly small (great), you suddenly find that you have freed up a lot of space, got rid of unnecessary clothes and decided on what new things should be. So with the search for independence within yourself. You will have to find the hidden internal reserves of courage and determination, to overestimate past mistakes and draw the appropriate conclusions. Of course, the work will be difficult and rather painstaking, but it is worth the effort, if your decision to learn how to stop depending on someone else's opinion and overcome your own uncertainty is conscious and clear. Otherwise, you will necessarily fail, and with it the fall of self-esteem. Are you ready? Then here is a short instruction for you to facilitate the task.

Accept our goalto get rid of doubts that are quite natural, but sometimes they are quite destructive and ruin even the most correct idea. Who do you want to be? Who are you now? Or are you currently looking for a way to become much more successful and wealthy? Of course, you chose the second option. But changes for the better do not happen without the changes themselves. Be ready for them. And not only morally. For any victory in life you have to pay. An irregular working day, a chronic lack of sleep, the need to learn something new every day. If you accept all these changes, then life will obediently turn in the right direction. No? Stay where you were.

Learning to perceive criticism You must understand,that the more difficult the goal stands before you, the more critical remarks you will hear. In this case, a person can speak absolutely sincerely. However, he will set you the bar by himself, therefore, the expressed opinion will be purely subjective. So should it affect you in a negative way and force you to abandon the goal? For example, you wanted to open your business, and your nearest relative in horror rolls his eyes, predicting failure. Do not listen to him. Perhaps this person could not start a business, but you can. You have more perseverance, better expressed business qualities. Therefore, filter negative comments. However, if you are a professional, you should listen to him. Perhaps a person wants to protect you from the wrong steps that he himself made.

Do not take offense at the interlocutor Even if someone fromfamily decided to guide you on the path of true, do not take his words in hostility. Do not forget - how many people, so many opinions. And a person may sincerely wish you well. Let's consider this situation in the previous example. You decided to open your business, and your parents are strongly against it, and express their disagreement in a rather tough form. The easiest way would be to quarrel with them and leave the offended. But put yourself in the place of father and mother. Perhaps they are just worried about you? Are they worried that you will not be able to give credit on time? Or that the companion will deceive you? Moreover, a lot of programs on television talk with rapture about the negative experience of newly-minted businessmen. Therefore, it will be better if you calm the parents, share with them the details of your plan, show what measures are ready to take for personal insurance. For example, you will not take a loan from a bank, but sell the second car. In this case, you risk only it, and collectors are guaranteed not to twist your hands. A wise approach to the situation will allow not only to get rid of criticism from outside, but also to find allies in the person of relatives and friends.

We leave from the negative Very often we come acrossanother's opinion, which is dictated not by the good intentions of the critic, but by his desire to assert himself. That is, a person expresses his disagreement only in order to rise in his own eyes. And if at the same time he destroys someone's goal, it can even give him satisfaction: "Here I am (what)! My advice matters and weight! ". At the same time, in the depths of the soul, the interlocutor is firmly convinced of his rightness, and if he says "you can not", then he does not bowl with his heart. And it's not at all that a person has misjudged you or considers you unworthy of success. He simply measures himself, and since he himself is unable to achieve anything, he believes that the others can not achieve the goal. Do not listen to such people. If possible, leave from communication with them or throw out the words of criticism from your mind. How to distinguish negative criticism from constructive advice? Very simple. A person who expresses his opinion only in order to puncture more naughty, does not appeal any facts. His entire speech focuses on the phrase "you will not succeed." But if you really want to point out some kind of mistake, you will do it more specifically, making it clear that your plans are not so and how you can fix it. Here to such criticism you should listen. Unfortunately, a person is so arranged that any negative comment begins to undermine even the most unshakable belief in success. You begin to doubt: "Am I right? Do not I take a lot on myself? ". And then he starts making mistakes, making mistakes, and very stupid and conditioned by nervousness. And it all began with an innocent criticism of a man unsure of himself. That's why it's so important to get rid of the unpleasant sludge after another's words in time.

Learning to separate the grain from the chaff happens. So,that a person is so unshakable in his own rightness that he starts to dissociate himself from any criticism. Although in fact his actions require a significant adjustment. Others just shout to him that he makes a mistake. And the addressee only shrugs his shoulders, reproaching people for envy. For example, a young family with an average income takes a mortgage. Spouses think that they will easily cover bank charges. They do not listen to either the parents' warnings or critical comments from friends. It seems to the family that the people around them just narrowly think and that they are not capable of large-scale actions. As a result, the first months of the loan is somehow covered, and further unforeseen expenses begin. Where do you think young people go after this? That's right, all to the same parents and friends. Only now they have to listen to numerous comments from the series "but we said." Therefore, self-confidence is excellent, but it's always useful to assess your own strength and get rid of the "crown on your head" in time.

Believe in your goal Certainly, the words about itafter the above detailed description of all possible warnings from undesirable actions, it seems oddish. But it is so. It is very necessary to believe in your goal and go to it, despite all the difficulties. Do you know how the wise men say? If there are a lot of obstacles on your way, then you are going in the right direction. So be persistent. Is the new business not profitable? Do not hurry to close the company. Perhaps you need to think about changing the strategy or attracting new partners?

Realize yourself as an independent person

Remember the wonderful melodrama called"Runaway Bride"? This very instructive story about how a pretty young woman was preparing to marry several times, but she did not find the courage to face the altar. It turns out that her life was ruled by a painful dependence on someone else's opinion. At the same time, their own views and desires were absolutely leveled. It's funny, but the heroine did not even realize that, meeting with every new potential bridegroom, she became a reflection of his interests, hobbies and tastes. But is it possible to live exclusively for a long time with someone else's mind? That inner sense of self-preservation and worked at the most inappropriate for this moment - on the threshold of the church. Before the girl as if there was an invisible wall, forcing to back off and run without looking back from such a ghostly family happiness. Do you remember how the heroine coped with this problem? She walked towards herself with tiny steps, surprisingly comprehending her own desires, taste preferences and dreams. And the young woman began by trying to understand in what form she likes to eat ... eggs. It turned out that she does not like this product at all. In the end, the heroine got married, but only after she realized the importance of this step and how much it needed. That's so for those of us who always doubt themselves, preferring to be guided by another's opinion, we must start small. Try at first to regularly perform five simple exercises. This will be the first step towards finding inner freedom. The first exercise is to learn how to make your own opinion about something. For example, watch a movie now popular or read a sensational bestseller. And now analyze your impressions, try to determine the moments that touched you, and those that left you indifferent. This will be your personal opinion. Share it with your friends and listen to their point of view. If it does not coincide with yours, then try to defend your impressions. After a while, repeat the exercise by selecting a new book or film. As a second exercise, you should remember the events that took place during the last two weeks. Think about how many times you had to agree with someone else's opinion, ignoring your own? And what were the consequences? Now try to determine what you want to achieve in life. Analyze, how much conceived is the fruit of your desires and aspirations. Perhaps you just reflect the thoughts of parents or other people, so you easily trust their opinion. If a person does not have his own goals, then he can not understand where to go. In this case, it is much easier to go the other way. And for blaming yourself, you do not have to blame yourself, and the responsibility for failure will not put pressure on your shoulders. The third exercise is to learn how to independently determine your own life goals and mentally get rid of the influence of outsiders on them. Write down your personal desires and ways of implementing them. Start with plans for the next week, then determine what needs to be done within a month. Gradually go to the year and so on. At first the task will seem to you difficult, especially if all this was previously done for you by parents, husband, superiors. The meaning of the fourth exercise is to learn to say "no." Do not mumble in response to something unintelligible, if something does not suit you, and clearly express disagreement. The first step in this difficult matter can be even an ordinary meeting with a friend. For example, she suggests you go to the movies at six o'clock in the evening. Say something like this: "No, it's embarrassing for me. Come on at seven or eight! ". Start with trivial failures, and in the future it will become easier for you to express disagreement on more serious issues. The fifth exercise is aimed at how not to break firewood. It happens that in this or that situation a person can not immediately orient himself and find the right way out. In order not to do anything stupid, it is better to take a break and, in a more relaxed environment, reflect on the solution of the problem or someone's proposal. Just say: "I need to think." This will allow you to determine the answer without anyone's pressure. In fact, it is not so important to deal with the problem of how not to depend on someone else's opinion. The question should be put differently: why are we insecure in ourselves and how to learn to overcome this feeling? Perhaps, to all fault low self-esteem, absence of self-esteem and love to itself? Perhaps, even in the distant childhood, parents treated you too critically, cursing endlessly and seldom receiving praise? Surely the initiative you showed did not find support from them and you were punished for not coordinating your actions and actions with the elders. "And what will Dad say? And how will mom react? What will the neighbors think? "- if such questions force you to abandon your intentions often, it's time to get rid of such a moral dependence once and for all. How to do it? Just analyze your life. After all, you certainly had to decide something at least once. What did this turn out for you? Success, small victories, happiness? So you see, so why doubt? Just be bolder - it's time to learn to trust yourself. No, consider the opinions of others need. But do not depend on him completely. And the main secret is to understand who speaks sincerely and wishes you well, and who simply does not want you to become a successful person. Unfortunately, envy does not occupy the last place in our world. But this is not an excuse to ruin your dream and go with someone on the subject, right? 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