Despite the fact that we are assiduously instilled, as ifthe system of marriage has outlived itself, most people still strive for it. We want to create a family, I want to have children, I want to live with my beloved person for a long time and happily. I want to, but often I can not. Some time passes, and the fervently loving before each other spouses suddenly become enemies and are submitted for divorce. Why is this happening? Because in order for the family to be strong, we need to adequately overcome the various stages in the development of family relations. They are characterized by a change of feelings. This change does not mean the disappearance of love. Just feelings get a new shape. And often it is very painful. What are the stages of marital and family relations?
Periods of family relations. Stage One
How happy are the first days of meetingslovers! Waiting for calls, gentle words, quivering kisses, walks under the moon ... Fantastic period of relations! It seems to the lovers that they knew each other all their lives. And that in the future they will also understand each other as they do today. But alas, alas ... It takes very little time after the wedding, and everything breaks. Tenderness is replaced by irritation, understanding - distance, the desire to give a beloved person a moment of happiness passes into the demands of something from him. Quarrels begin, and souls, like snakes, creep into doubts about the correctness of their choice. At some point, we want to divorce. But let's not hurry. We are now at the first stage of family relations. Such a throwing for him is typical. Falling in love, we usually idealize a person and do not notice his shortcomings. And even if we notice, we treat them kindly, presumptuously believing that we will be able to correct these flaws in behavior later. However, people do not change quickly. And the disadvantages of a loved one when you do not live with him under the same roof, especially do not interfere. Actually, before you do not get under this roof, it's really impossible to recognize them. Something does not catch sight, something seems insignificant, and something in general is carefully hidden. Well, when people start living together, there's no getting away! Man is all in sight, as in the palm of your hand. The first stages of family relations imply the opening in their half of new, still not very well known or simply ignored parties. Most often it is quite unpleasant. And not because a man and a woman discover in each other a lot of disgusting qualities. Just initially, only good character traits were seen, to which a habit has already developed. And now not very nice features of man. And they still need to get used to. In addition, most men after the marriage are calmed down and do not really care about their half. Women, in turn, no longer try to be as irresistible as they were before marriage. The result is that the spouses are unhappy with the changes that have taken place in each other. Discontent results in claims, claims - in quarrels. If the husband and wife do not try to approach this situation sensibly, the first period in the life of the family can end very badly. Hardly such a finale can be considered a good way out. After all, to the disintegration of the family resulted, by and large, the lack of life experience and naivete in matters of behavior of the opposite sex. But how to get such experience, if the family collapsed, barely encountering any complications? And without it, the second, and third ... And so to the full and ineradicable loneliness not far away! In short, the first stage of family relations, no matter how they develop further, one must learn to experience. The most important thing in this period for the spouses is not to try to remake each other. Such attempts will lead to nothing but conflicts. A person reflexively resists brutal interference in his personal zone. And, of course, he starts to fight with the aggressor, without particularly speculating, for what purpose the boundaries of the personal zone were violated. Therefore, to insist that the other half is changed, it is impossible. Time will come, and she will understand what needs to be changed in herself. In the meantime, it's better to get used to your life partner little by little, trying to establish with him some kind of mutual understanding.
Periods of family relations. Stage Two
Well, here we have already passed the first stage of the relationship,They learned each other more and got used to some flaws in their half. Now comes the second stage of building family relations. At this stage, emotions and feelings of spouses calmed down. Sexual life becomes less passionate. And conflicts from the category of impulsive pass into the conscious. We begin to understand that family life is not a perpetual flight under the clouds. This is also a painful fall, and difficult journeys through the uneven earthly firmament. Now it seems the time has come to build bridges of family cooperation. But this is not easy. Yes, the spouses already know each other quite well and can determine the mood and desires of their half according to one glance or gesture. It would seem that it's just wonderful! What could be better when a loved one understands you so well? However, in the predictability of the actions of the partner, there is a danger of satiety. As a result, the wife and husband begin to irritate each other with those traits of character that used to be appealing and even admired. Spouses can flare up and quarrel because of the existing trifles. The second stage of family relations is often accompanied by games in silence, attempts to live separately, the desire to be alone or spend time apart. Sometimes such tricks go pretty quickly and end with passionate sex. And sometimes on the contrary, they last for months and are accompanied by a complete reluctance of intimate life. If the second stage of the relationship does not come to its senses and does not try to understand what is really going on, divorce will become quite a real event. In fact, there are no special prerequisites for him. The couple were just tired of each other. They need to wait this period without unnecessary demands on their half and without mutual claims. In general, it should pass pretty quickly. If this does not happen, it is quite possible that a break in relations will be the only way out of the situation. Well, when this difficult phase of the development of the family has been successfully experienced, the third phase of marital relations is coming.
Periods of family relations. Stage Three
The third stage of family relationships is usuallyrepresents a time when both spouses are gradually beginning to realize that the family is not a serious necessity or a short-term experiment. That she is sacred and destroy family ties only because her wife has recovered, and her husband did not take out the garbage in time, is worthless. The family should be protected, and the relationship improved. Quarrels are also in this period, but they happen less often and usually end with the reconciliation of husband and wife. This is the phase of the development of patience and comprehension and their actions, and the actions of the spouse. The intimate life stabilizes and does not depend on whether there were any differences between the spouses before sex or not. After a quarrel they can make love as if nothing had happened. And then do not remember the conflicts that arose before this. At the third stage, the partners begin to trust each other more and attach themselves to each other as relatives. They can spend time separately and do their own things, but at the same time remain inseparable psychologically. It is from this stage that the merging of two people begins and their unification into one. The spouses are now quite tolerant of separation. They stop often calling back and sending SMS and demanding their love affirmations from their halves. Husband and wife seem to grow together. They have the same thoughts, aspirations, desires. During this period, the couple no longer seek to change something in their half. So annoying before her habits either evaporated, or became habitual. And then, because of what almost once there was a divorce, it already seems insignificant and even ridiculous. There comes the fourth stage of family relations.
Periods of family relations. Stage Four
The fourth stage of family relations is timemutual respect. It acquires a solid fundamental form and serves as the basis for all actions of the spouses. What was perceived as an unpleasant duty at the beginning of marriage is now done easily, with a pure heart. Disappeared empty reproaches and irritation. There was a desire to please your soulmate as often as possible. Well, if not to please, so at least do not upset. The husband and wife have already experienced a lot together and have become dear to each other. They automatically adjusted themselves to the interests of their partner and accepted it as they are. Relations have become easy, unconstrained. Any problems are solved together and quickly. Hanging out with friends and girlfriends is already uninteresting. Preference is given to pastime in the circle of close people. In general, this is a very favorable stage. That's only at the intimate life at this stage it is desirable to pay special attention. It becomes monotonous and, as a rule, not very frequent. It is not surprising. Because the husband and wife are more friends than lovers. Someone, of course, is quite fit. However, the lack of full-fledged sex is fraught with serious dangers. It is often for this reason that strong, happy marriages broke up. We are just people, and with temptation we can easily lose our heads. And temptations with insufficient intimacy in the family - a dime a dozen. Therefore, at the final stage, the spouses should try, as far as possible, to diversify their sex lives. Otherwise, there is a chance that they will not reach the fifth stage of development of relations.
Periods of family relations. Stage Five
The fifth stage of development of family relationsrepresents a period of true love. This is not the love that was present between people from the very beginning. Then the man and woman loved each other for beauty, kindness, sexuality and so on. And now they do not like eyes, body or mind. Now they love the soul. And for nothing, but just like that. The first feelings meant getting something, the feelings that exist at this stage - self-giving. This unconditional love, based not on physical fusion, but on spirituality. During this period, the spouses' relationship becomes warm, careful and extremely reliable. In them there is no rejection of something. For some mistakes each other husband and wife look with a love of irony and understanding. Now they can hardly be seriously quarreled. Minor skirmishes are possible, but they do not play any role in the fate of the family. It's more a game than a desire to prove something to your partner. From now on, you do not need to prove anything. Life itself made everything. Actually, this stage is the true goal of creating a family. Just to come to him, you have to go through a lot. For some reason we believe that happy family relationships are like attitudes during courtship. Flowers, gifts, passionate kisses, confessions must be present in them ... And if all this disappears, we decide that love has passed, and rush to file for divorce. Then a new object of passion appears, with which everything happens according to the same scenario. There is a third, fourth ... We despair and bury the hope to create a strong, happy family. The thing is that we expect from family relationships of eternal inspiring lust. Many of those who are dissatisfied with their marriage, are convinced that it is unsuccessful, because "the husband stopped wearing on his hands," "the wife stopped trying to look very impressive." But life is dynamic! It is constantly changing, making relationships change. You can not always wear a wife in your arms. We must also do something. You can not always look in the eyes of her husband effectively. It is necessary also to hang around in the kitchen, wash, clean, sleep, in the end. In this case, even if a woman manages to be a stunning beauty round the clock and moves around the house solely in the hands of her husband, there is no guarantee that the marriage will not fall apart. First, monotony is tedious. And secondly, in almost any, even the happiest family, there are crisis periods. What they usually are?
Common crisis periods in family life
As we have already said, even the most exemplaryfamilies always have chances of emergence of crisis situations. One such situation is the pregnancy of a woman and the birth of the first child. This is a very serious test for the couple. During pregnancy, the woman's body is reconstructed. This contributes to a change in her behavior. Calm, affectionate, easy-going wife can turn into a capricious nervous person. And if the husband does not treat this with understanding, serious family conflicts are inevitable. The crisis may occur after the birth of the child. Even if the man really wanted him and waited, he is often shocked that a beloved woman now gives someone more attention than him. And women often, having a first-born, completely devote themselves to caring for him. And forget about the fact that next to him is the father of the baby, who also needs love and affection. The man in this case recedes into the background. He absolutely does not understand what happened. Loses, closes in itself, fences off from the woman and begins to perceive the child, as a hindrance to relations with the beloved. Here, of course, it all depends on the wife. She needs to get wise and understand that her husband feels abandoned and lonely. Otherwise, the consequences of her fanatical devotion only to the child are unpredictable. There are family crises and when there are some male problems. Representatives of the stronger sex are not sex robots. There are times when they simply can not engage in intimacy. This is a tremendous stress for any man. It seems to him that the world has collapsed, that he ceases to be a man and can no longer satisfy his beloved in bed. If a woman does not react to the situation with understanding and tact, her husband may despair and start all the hard, in order to prove his male viability or forget himself. Often, the crisis in the family occurs when the couple, having lived together for several years, have already learned each other well enough. Boredom and monotony can provoke treason. And initially they will become such a way of entertainment. And then they will become a habit, and it will be very difficult to stop. Therefore, it is impossible to allow monotony in family life. We must experiment, look for interesting joint activities or hobbies, expand the boundaries of intimate knowledge and so on. After all, love is probably still alive, but dozed off. It must be woken up. In every family, if it seems to be the most prosperous, there are problems and crisis situations. This is normal. Because each of us is a psychological individuality, whose natural features can not be changed. With passionate love, a person becomes different. His actions are subject to feelings, the basis of which has become nothing more than a normal hormonal surge. Rampage of hormones passes. Passion with him passes. And we cease to see in our chosen one the top of perfection. This is an absolutely natural course of events. Such a metamorphosis of feelings should be treated calmly. Because in fact, the disappearance of rose-colored glasses, through which a loved one saw - one of the stages of the development of love. Well, we loved someone, representing him as perfect, but now it's time to fall in love with who he is. Love should grow up, as children grow up. If we do not become more patient, careful, lenient, do not learn to forgive, then we can never create a happy family. A successful marriage is labor, the payment for which is not money, but peace and happiness. They should not seek their suitors until the end of time, but create, working primarily on themselves. It's complicated. But the reward for the work will be human warmth, support, care and undying love. We advise you to read: