A quarrel with a friend, like any other quarrel -this is an occasion for sadness and longing. What can be more frustrating than dealing with a person who shares with you all your problems and supports you in everything? Unfortunately, even the strongest friendship is not immune from such phenomena. What to do? Answers to this and other questions you will find in here.

Causes of quarrels with a girlfriend

Oh, there can be a lot of them! Unfortunately, for the most part female friendship is not the most durable thing (although there are exceptions). It is because of the ease with which women quarrel sometimes even for the most trivial reasons, and it is believed that there is no friendship between them. But if it can be spoiled, and another - to lose, then they all the same were! One of the most frequent reasons for quarreling girlfriends is a man. It can be a husband, a guy or just someone's friend. In most cases, he does not like his second girlfriend, and she does not like him. The first girl in this situation rushes between two fires and is very tired of this. In the end, she decides to break off the relationship, bringing her so much hassle, and, as a rule, sacrifices exactly the attachment to her friend. However, the third superfluous in relations between two women can be not only a man, but also a third woman. Such quarrels between friends often occur, and in many cases this is due to the notorious feminine jealousy: one seems that the other two are more likely to see, call up more, relate to each other better - in general, they are stronger friends. And then the girl starts to saw the one that is closer to her and more important, resulting in a quarrel with her friend. This is the case when women are originally "friends of the three of us." But it happens quite rarely, and a more frequent case is when there were two friends, and then one of them met a third girl. They begin to communicate more and more, and the first seems to be that she is losing her girlfriend. It's like a kind of "friendly" betrayal. In this case, the owner of two girlfriends must keep a very correct line of behavior, equally sharing their free time and attention between them. Do not let selfish girlfriends sit on their necks and be naughty; but to let them know that they mean a lot to you, it does not hurt at all. Changes can affect not only the quantitative characteristics of friendship, but also qualitative ones. For example, the behavior of the one you considered to be your friend can change overnight, and often on a flat spot (well, or so it seems to you). Especially unpleasant and sad happens in those cases when the changes relate to her relationship to your friendship - in particular, a friend can begin to devote less time to your relationship. This can offend, because you think that your friendship is no longer of great value to your girlfriend. Change can also affect some specific behavior or specific actions, for example, a girlfriend can suddenly start two hours of talking about her career achievements. Or the former tihonny suddenly starts answering every question boldly and rudely. Such changes can be associated with some kind of personal restructuring or with serious events in the life of a friend. If the loss of a loved one is unsuitable for you, then try to find out what the sudden changes in the nature of the girlfriend are, and try to understand and support it. We forget about the most mercantile, but, unfortunately, no less frequent reason for quarrels - about money. They can become a very serious reason for the conflict: a girlfriend has earned less or more, has not given a debt, teaches you how to spend money - all these things can destroy even the strongest friendship. That is why the financial aspects of your relationship should be discussed directly and openly: for example, to agree on the terms of repayment in advance, do not lend money at all, or vice versa - turn a blind eye to such things and constantly treat each other in a cafe. In the event that a friend's income has changed, it will be great if you adjust each other and choose the leisure options that suit you both. After all, gathering in a cafe and shopping is not the only basis for a relationship. Sometimes women can really quarrel over trifles: because of clothes, an improperly placed cup or a badly laid haircut. But often behind this nonsense are much deeper problems, because of which even a quarrel with a best friend can occur. Such a problem, for example, may be the girl's envy - everyone knows a lot of such examples, when one of the girlfriends constantly compared herself to another and was upset about this, because she always felt that Masha had a better appearance, parents, guys, the subject of the diploma and work . Envy poison the relationship and is a hindrance to true friendship. If this is about you, then it is worthwhile to either work on it and remove this negative feeling from your relationship, or stop communication, as building truly deep relationships with envy is impossible. In life, everything is different, and one of the girlfriends may simply not be lucky. However, the situation can significantly worsen if one of the girls shows arrogance and selfishness. It's not very nice to be friends with a man who is only fixated on himself. You can try to remedy the situation, giving your girlfriend a constant feedback. For example, "I'm upset when you say that only beggars ride a minibus," "I'm upset when you choose such a cafe for a meeting in which I generally do not eat anything," etc. ... It is necessary to do this subtly and accurately, but truthfully - then it may have a positive effect (although it happens that people, fixated on themselves, others simply do not hear and do not listen) .. Finally, a significant problem may be the presence of discrepancies in views on life and moral standards. In general, this is the most serious and deep conflict, since it is possible to solve all other problems - by compromises or an arrangement. However, it is very difficult and inexpedient to make concessions in terms of ideology or morality. Therefore, if such serious disagreements are revealed, it is worthwhile to assess whether they do not outweigh the value of friendship and whether it is possible in general under the given conditions.

"Be reconciled, reconcile, and do not fight any more!"

So, the reasons for quarrels are more or less clear. However, you still have a question: what to do? On the one hand, I do not want to lose a loved one, but, on the other hand, I want to make constructive changes in your relationship. What steps will help you to rectify the situation?

Talk to a friend. It may be difficult for you to believe in it, but 60% of all problems in the relations between people could be solved with one simple and honest conversation. There are a number of small conditions that must be observed in a conversation with a friend: be honest, express your feelings, but do not blame your girlfriend for what's going on - try to speak for yourself (for example, not "you made me angry," but "I got angry when you ... "). Are ready to argue, you will make for yourself a number of interesting discoveries in your relationships!

Try to understand your girlfriend. Sometimes it's very difficult to do, especially if you are both very different and bright personalities. But still try to stand in her place and penetrate the course of her thoughts. You can try to translate her actions into a language that you understand. For example, your girlfriend most of all likes electronic gadgets, and you are clothes and accessories, and you are annoyed when she freaks out because of the "hang-up" phone. In order to understand it, imagine that your favorite shoe has a heel, and then it will be much easier for you to imagine the state of your girlfriend.

Work with your own irrationalsettings. Very often our minds are clogged with formulas like "you can not deny people" or "friends always need help." Not only that we ourselves are their slaves, sometimes annoyed at everyone and everything, so also on other people we try to impose such fetters. And in fact, people do not owe anything to anyone, and the words "always", "never", "can not be" "And others are very strict restrictive. Therefore, friends resent our expectations, and we are offended that they do not fulfill them. If you do not want to be slaves to your own attitudes, they must be uprooted and softened, leaving only those that you actually divide (or parts of them). For example, "I will be happy if my friends help me."

Feel free to first approach your girlfriend andpropose a truce. The inability to do this is very often dictated by the above settings or priorities, for example, "who is to blame, let him come first". And if you both blame each other? There is a chance to lose friendship. Therefore, weigh the importance of these attitudes and the importance of friendship, and in accordance with this, make a decision.

Try to eliminate what has happenedquarrel with a friend. Perhaps it will be a compromise, or you will strain your brains so that you can find a win-win decision - it's not so important. The main thing is that the problem does not remain hanging in the air and accumulating negative energy - that's why one side should not blindly give in to the other. If the cause is not eliminated, quarrels will arise again and again, therefore, having reconciled, be sure to discuss the "apple of discord".

If you lack the moral strength to make the firststep to reconciliation, then remember why you are generally friends with this friend: joint interests, common past, support and help, or something else. It may turn out that you are already unconnected, and then the question arises about the necessity of your friendship. But if you still do not want to lose it, then it is necessary to act and, probably, it is for you. We advise you to read:

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