The birth of the first child in most familiesit is planned - when it will turn out, then it will turn out. The cycle of life drags on - study, work, housing acquisition. But no, no, ask friends for a joke - they say, when the second one will appear? And even worse, the relatives will begin to squeeze. For a while, young parents just joke, not really thinking about this issue. But when the couple decided that the second child - to be, there is a very urgent question - what should be the ideal age difference between children? And this is a very reasonable question, because two children are a responsible business and should be approached seriously. And since there are no two identical families, there can not be a universal council about the difference in their age. Therefore, you have to make a decision yourself, and we will only tell you what to expect in this or that case. 
The difference is about two years
Such mothers who gave birth to a second baby soonafter the first, cause in the surrounding very ambiguous emotions. Someone looks with admiration and even envy - they say, "quickly shot", someone - with bewilderment and pity, - they say, has taken on an unbearable burden, she will bite her elbows. But, as they say, the dog barks, and the caravan goes - more and more new families make a decision about the second crumb before they blow out a single candle on the birthday cake of their first-born. So, what can we expect for families who have a difference of no more than two years?
- Pros of the situation
One of the biggest pluses is you really"Shoot" quickly - in a short period of time you will pass the stage of infancy is not one, but just two kids. And after a short time you will become a happy young mother of two more or less independent children. So, you can devote a little more time to yourself, your spouse, career, in the end, while your peers will be surrounded by diapers and bottles destined for their second baby. Pregnancy is quite a stress for the body as well as for the psyche of a woman, although, of course, it is positive in most cases. Therefore, if the second pregnancy occurs soon after the first, the woman will not be horrified by the stains in the chest area on the nightgown, constant visits to the toilet, toxicosis, sluggishness and other - the memories are too fresh and the woman perceives everything happening to her for granted. Batheing a baby or preparing his first lure, you are firmly convinced that this knowledge and skills will remain with you for the rest of your life. But this is true only half - very soon some of the skills of caring for the baby will be lost. And if the difference between the children is big enough, you will have a lot to learn a lot, like the first time. Child psychologists believe - and parents, by the way, confirm - with a small difference between children, the family is unlikely to encounter such an acute problem., Like childish jealousy. At first, the older child will perceive the youngest only as a living doll, no more - until the baby grows slightly. Well, and then the elder and do not remember that there was once a time when he was the only favorite of his parents. Although, of course, this is not a reason to deprive the elder's attention and love! In addition, we can not fail to mention the material side of the issue. As practice shows, the parents of the weather are much easier - the stroller, the cot, and numerous clothes, shoes, toys, nipples and bottles that have not yet lost their presentable appearance are still not out of fashion and were not given to friends and acquaintances. Believe me, this at first sight may seem like a trifle. In fact, a huge amount of money is saved, which you can spend more rationally. Nowadays, when free circles and sections have sunk into oblivion together with the Palaces of the Pioneers, and teachers - enthusiasts, "pulling" the lagging children on the orders of the heart and on a voluntary basis, remained only in the memory of the older generation, the education of children became separate, very, very a weighty item of expenditure. And the parents of children-pogodkov this article is much lower, which is not surprising. First, a lot of mugs make a significant discount to brothers and sisters, and secondly, the tutor can deal with both children at once. After all, the program will not differ very much, and the same circles and sections will be of interest to both. In the same case, if the difference is large, it certainly will not work. In addition, your children can perfectly entertain each other - common games will be in the order of things. And this fact also significantly facilitates the life of parents, freeing them a bit of free time.
- The disadvantages of the situation
However, there is no medal with only one side -there is always another. For example, the physical condition of the mother. Pregnancy is a difficult job for which the body casts all its internal resources. And it is only natural that after the birth of a child, it needs a certain time for a complete restoration - the normalization of the hormonal background, the replenishment of the supply of vitamins, minerals and other. Doctors recommend planning their second pregnancy at least two years after the date of the first birth. The psychological state of a woman also requires special attention. A small child requires maximum attention, care - in a word, full of self-giving. Plus sleepless nights, full of hassle days - all this sooner or later can weary anyone. Fortunately, nature is very smart and Mom has some kind of internal reserve, which allows you to cope with everything perfectly. And in the event that the second child appears immediately after the first, this busy period increases. Therefore, without the help of relatives and friends, a woman will have a hard time. But with this very help there can be serious problems. No, of course, grandmothers always come to the rescue. But the young happy dad may not respond. Very often we, women, forget that men during this period also have uneasy and they are very tired, including psychologically. And if we, representatives of the weaker sex, clench our teeth and go forward, most of the men "fold" their paws and fall into despair. Especially since the intimate life in this period often leaves much to be desired ... And this is you even do not want to think about sex, but give the man sex, yes with the same regularity! So there is a rather high risk that, in addition to the two already existing kids, you will get a third overage child who will be capricious and roll up hysterics. And, the most offensive, he will be absolutely sure of his rightness! And then everything depends on the woman and only on her. If she is justly outraged and tells her hubby all that she thinks - scandals in the family can not be avoided. So it is much more reasonable to try to smooth out all the sharp angles and let the husband understand that you still love him and value your relationships. And this will also require a lot of mental strength from you, which is already running out. But there would be a desire, but practically nothing is impossible. 
The difference in age from two to four years
The most common difference in the age of children is 2-4 years old. Moreover, it is this difference that very many parents consider ideal. But is it really so? Let's understand together.
- Positive sides
One of the most important positive momentswe can consider the physical condition of a woman. For two years the female organism has time to fully recover after pregnancy and childbirth, therefore during the second pregnancy the probability of occurrence of any problems is minimal. Especially if during the first birth the woman had crotch gaps or, especially, the baby was born with the help of caesarean section. In addition, the woman will have time to rest a little, because sleepless nights are already behind, and breastfeeding, most likely, you have already stopped. In a word, the cares typical for the mother of the thoracic baby are left behind and the woman has time to rest from them before the second baby appears and everything will start again. Again, we can not fail to mention the skills of caring for a newborn and an infant - they are not lost yet and you will not lose your head when the time comes for the first bathing of crumbs and you will know for sure why your crumbs are crying in the evenings. And most importantly, you have already filled your own bumps and hardly make mistakes in the care of the second baby. Children with such a difference in age, too, can still play together, as their interests will not radically differ. But at the same time, the mother releases time for each child separately - for example, while the older kid will draw or watch cartoons, you can bathe and / or feed the crumbs, and when the crumb will sleep, you will have the opportunity to spend time alone with the eldest .
- Negative sides
Negative aspects of such a difference in the age ofthere are not many children, but they do exist. Firstly, this is the moral state of a woman. She just got a chance to rest a little and pay a little attention to herself, and then again everything from the beginning - diapers, feeding, sleepless nights. Of course, very much depends on the concrete woman - someone perceives these cares with genuine joy. However, psychologists say that in most cases, it is not easy for a woman to plunge into the cares of a baby. Secondly, the problem of childish jealousy is very acute. It is in those cases where the difference between the older and younger child is from two to four years, the overwhelming majority of all cases of childish jealousy occur. And very often this jealousy is almost uncontrollable and uncontrollable. Parents will have to put in a lot of effort and tact to smooth out the sharp corners. Otherwise, the life of the family will very quickly turn into a total hell - the younger will get from the elder, the elder from the parents, the father and mother will start to swear with each other. And it will continue for a very long time until the children grow up. Incidentally, between such brothers and sisters there is a very developed sense of rivalry, and often it lasts a lifetime. And it's not about healthy competition, which is only beneficial - one child will use all available means to "put the wheels in the wheel" to the second, so that the parents are convinced that it is he who is the best. And if in childhood this is shifting to the brother or sister of guilt for a broken cup or a spoiled carpet, then at an older age, much more "dirty" ways can go to play. Although, of course, this is the most extreme case and this happens infrequently, it is always necessary to remember this possibility. In addition, it is not the most favorable way for such a difference in the age between children to affect a woman's career. Decent leave does not enthrall any employer. What can we say about maternity leave, the next immediately after the previous one? Yes, and the woman inevitably loses the qualification - to one degree or another. Although, of course, if a family and children are much more important for a woman than a career, they do not even think about this nuance. Moreover, if you want, you can restore any qualification and even improve it - good, modern information technologies give such an opportunity. For example, turning on the computer, go to a thematic forum, and not to the usual contact. For the sake of justice, it should be noted that many women use such a prolonged double maternity leave as an additional opportunity for self-development - they improve existing skills, learn foreign languages, and sometimes radically change the field of activity - find a remote job or open their own business. In a word, everything depends on your desire.
The difference in age from five to seven years
Some families prefer to wait a bit andto give birth to a second child only when the older child grows up - in 5-7 years. Child psychologists in one voice argue that such a difference is not very desirable. But can not it be so bad? Let's look for positive moments.
- Positive sides
The most significant advantage of this difference inthe age between kiddies is the fact that the older child no longer requires an enormous amount of attention from the parents. He can play with toys, watch TV. Moreover - the child is fully able to understand why one can not make noise at times, is able to help you at least in elementary things - to bring a clean diaper, to give the baby a pacifier, to play with him. It would seem a trifle, but often it greatly facilitates the life of the future mother. In addition, there is much less probability that parents will face childish jealousy, because the oldest child already understands that a little child gets much more attention not because he is loved more, but because he needs more care. Although, of course, to deprive the older child of attention is unacceptable, otherwise hostility to the younger will arise at a subconscious level. From the outside, everything can look good and parents will not know that the soul of the older kid is confused. And such hidden jealousy represents a serious threat to the child's psychological state. So is it worth it to admit?
- Negative sides
Strictly speaking, there is only one negative side,but very important - preparation for school and first class. This period is very important for every child and parents should give him a lot of attention - school preparation centers, speech therapists, developmental classes, first class. And all this time the parents should be next to the child. And all this takes a huge amount of time. Which, in the event that a young child is born, will be very, very little. Of course, responsible conscientious mothers will try to catch everything - and the older child to give the necessary amount of attention, and, of course, to take care of the younger properly. But just imagine what forces it will cost you! 
The difference between children in 8-10 years and more
If the second child is so-called "late", the situation is radically different from all the previous ones:
- Positive sides
If the children have a very big difference, nojealousy and speech can not be - the older child is already perfectly aware that the appearance of the baby in no way can affect the relationship with the parents. Although, of course, this does not mean that you must fully and completely provide the child yourself - even if the minimum attention of parents is necessary and senior. In addition, an adult child is a full-fledged assistant who can go to the store, fry eggs, and wash children's clothes. But parents should remember that there is a very fine line - the eldest son or daughter can in no case be turned into a nanny for the younger! Help with help, but do not abuse it - after all, you gave birth to the youngest child for yourself, do not you? Do not deprive your elder child of childhood. Another very positive thing is the authority of the elder brother or sister. Simply put, in most cases, if the age difference between children is large, the older brother or sister is for younger children not only an example for imitation, but also an unquestioning authority, an idol if you want. And if the younger child's opinion can ignore the opinion, the opinion of the elder brother or sister is always taken into account. To some extent, they replace the younger parents. Which, however, can not but rejoice, because we are all, alas, mortal, no matter how sad it was to admit it. And in which case your youngest child will always have protection and support in life, and the elder will have a close and close person. It is impossible not to mention the baby's daddy. As a rule, an adult man already has a more responsible attitude to the birth of his heir or heiress - you can be sure that you will receive all-round help from your husband. Yes, and the younger child will receive much more paternal attention than in his time, the eldest.
- Negative sides
Negative aspects in such a difference between childrennot so much, but they exist and almost all of them are related to the age of the parents. As you understand, pregnancy in 2 years and pregnancy in 30-35 years - two big differences. A woman should be ready for the fact that the pregnancy will be much more difficult than the first time - a gynecologist will be your best friend. Yes, and during childbirth will be hard, because the body has completely forgotten what it is - the birth of a child. Moreover - if the difference in age between children exceeds 10 years, physicians equate a woman with primiparas. Medical statistics clearly indicate that about half of all late pregnancies end with caesarean section. Which, however, is not surprising - no matter how unfortunate it was to admit it, but every year we do not get younger, but more often we also get chronic diseases. But, of course, this is not a reason to abandon the idea of becoming parents again, just need to be more responsive to this. Start preparing for pregnancy in advance - with your husband, go to a consultation with a geneticist, a therapist. Sami thoroughly, including the gynecologist and only when you make sure that everything is in order, get pregnant. As you can see, it is very difficult to say exactly what the optimal age difference between the older and younger children should be, it depends on the huge number of factors in each particular family. So you have to decide and only you. The main thing, when making a decision, is to remember that the kid in no way should be an entertainment for the older child, and the older child should not become a nanny for the youngest. After all, what is the most important thing? The most important thing is that both children feel loved and comfortable with the family.
