Love ... Feeling holy, all-embracing,exciting and driving crazy. It would seem that love is the most important thing for a family. After all, it is with a loved one who wants to build his own world, to raise joint children and live long, and, of course, happily. However, in reality, it often turns out that one love for creating a strong marriage is not enough. Romantic and sublime feelings change over time and no longer cause the former delight. And life forces a husband and wife to descend to the ground and creates a lot of problems that often destroy such a seemingly lasting marriage. But after all, a marriage of convenience does not suit every one of us! Is it really necessary to focus only on material components when choosing a life partner? Let's try to figure out how to make the marriage happy, taking into account the factor of feelings and the household factor when creating a family.
What are the reasons for marriage
The family is one of the most important componentsour psychological and social well-being. Ideally, it should be strong and reliable. One that will become a support in any issues and protection from all life storms. But, unfortunately, it is the family that is often the object of greatest concern, alarming and frightening us with its constantly heated atmosphere. Motives for marriage can be different. Someone goes to the registrar, because he does not represent his life without a loved one, someone, - based on material considerations, someone - out of a desire to avenge his former lover or former lover. There are women who marry the first person to meet because of fear of loneliness or wanting to have children from a healthy man, and there are marriages created because of obedience to the will of the parents. Each of these motives can become the basis for creating a strong family, and each of them can make both husband and wife unhappy. After all, a joint life is not built for some schemes, once and for all compiled. A safe solution arising in the family of problems individually and depends on both spouses. In general, the strongest marriages are based not even on a mutual solution of some tasks, but on the spouses' readiness for the appearance of certain difficulties in the relationship. What kind of difficulties are these usually?
The most common problems of family stability
There are several general aspects, capable,destroy even the happiest of the original family. If we seriously intend to go to the registry office, it is necessary to take them into account and think carefully. The first of these aspects is the age of future spouses. If they are less than twenty years old, conflicts in marriage are almost inevitable. As a rule, young men and women, because of their youthful maximalism, still do not know how to compromise at all. The irreconcilability of positions does not allow them to find a consensus in solving even minor problems, and the inability to maneuver on sharp corners leads to extremes. The result - constant quarrels and throwing from the love of hatred, which can end badly. The second aspect, negatively affecting the stability of the family, is a superficial knowledge of each other before marriage. In the first few months after the meeting people are blinded by love and are not able to notice any, even significant, shortcomings of their chosen ones. A look at a person through the prism of falling in love is always deceptive. The prism captures, and often draws, dignity, carefully concealing negative traits of character. They will manifest later, and can not only cause some disappointment in the life satellite, but also its rejection. It is this factor that becomes at first a stumbling block, and then a rock, about which the fragile ship of a young family breaks up. The third aspect, often destroying the foundations of a happy marriage, is incomplete or unfavorable families, in which the spouses have grown up. In this case, the husband or wife can build their own marriage based on the script of their parents, subconsciously or even consciously being ready for a divorce. The position of such a marriage: "I will manage without you". This approach to marriage, of course, is wrong initially. After all, the family should be created on the principles of need for each other. Otherwise, the marriage loses all meaning. To get acquainted with the parents of your chosen one or a chosen one generally follows much earlier than going to the registry office. We need to learn as much as possible about their family life and home customs - this will help to understand the reasons for certain nuances of behavior of their future husband or wife. And then, guided by these reasons, to pass many of the pitfalls. There is one more nuance of early acquaintance with relatives. When we get married, we get not only our soul mate, but also the whole family. And to establish relations with this family is desirable long before the wedding. Otherwise, the first months of family life can be significantly overshadowed by disagreements in this matter. After all, in the newlyweds are still very strong habits to the way that has developed in the house of their parents. And this way is different. The fourth aspect, not conducive to family stability, is the low level of security for both spouses and their lack of good work and constant income. Because of this problem in family relations, a lot of disagreements often arise, which are not easy to avoid. Often, the parents of young people express dissatisfaction with such a marriage, which, of course, significantly darkens the serene existence of husband and wife. In addition, the newlyweds themselves are unlikely to be long happy if the refrigerator is empty, and the same things have to be worn for years. Therefore, when deciding to create a family, you need to think about how to provide it even with the most necessary. The fifth aspect, which can destroy the seemingly strongest marriages, is the difference in age, religion and education of spouses. Religion, in this case, is not as relevant as the age difference and education. In the developed countries of Europe it is practically solved, if only one of the newlyweds is not a fanatically believing person. As for the significant difference in age, here things are much more serious. Between such spouses there are often psychological barriers based on the opinion: "I am older, and therefore more experienced and intelligent". However, this opinion may be erroneous. Life experience is not an indicator of wisdom or high intelligence. Nevertheless, those who are older often seek to subordinate their half, constantly insisting on their own. And good. if she accepts this favorably. And if not? Then the result will be constant scandals and lasting dissatisfaction with each other. Different levels of education can also contribute to similar conflicts. Problems of family stability here can be a different volume of knowledge, radically different circles of communication, not similar memories of the past and others. In this case, the spouses have a very serious question of self-esteem. One of them begins to suffer from an inferiority complex, while the other is constantly tempted to take a dominant position. And, finally, the sixth aspect, which can cause significant damage to family relations, is premarital pregnancy. Of course, in a number of cases it is desirable, and is a kind of transition to a new level of relations. But it often happens that pregnancy is unexpected and marriage, which is only its consequence, is based only on necessity. Such marriages can hardly be called favorable, - initially they do not imply a joint desire of the two to build their own world. Therefore, the families created in this way most of all need mutual tolerance of the spouses, because now they face a common grandiose task - to grow a new person. So, from the above, we can conclude that the strongest marriages are based on the principles of both material, social, and psychological equality. The principles are much easier to implement, if you take into account all the factors destructive for marriage. In general, the rules of a happy marriage can be formulated as follows:
- Creating a family after 22-25 years;
- Preliminary close acquaintance with the family of the chosen one or the chosen one;
- Good enough knowledge of each other;
- A firm idea of how the needs of the family will be met;
- Moderate age difference between spouses;
- The same level of education;
- The ability of husband and wife to be condescending and patience.
And what about love, we ask? Is it really not significant for a family? Of course, it is. At first, love will help solve many problems. But only at the first ... However, the human psyche can not always be in a state of arousal. So sooner or later enthusiastic love will pass, and the family will remain. And it can become strong only when, except for love, the couple is united by friendship, common values and interests. This promotes mutual understanding and solidarity in the performance of duties and the solution of common tasks. In order to suddenly, falling from heaven, do not shatter, it is necessary, in advance knowing the secrets of a happy marriage, first carefully weigh the pros and cons. And only then, armed with patience and understanding, go to the registrar and file an application. In a word, a marriage for love or for calculation must be carefully considered. Only then can it become reliable, one about which it is safe to say: "This happy and lasting marriage." We advise you to read: