Marriage for love or for convenience? A few decades ago such a question would look foolish and inappropriate. Of course, for love! However, in our time, according to polls, the majority of young people between the ages of 20 and 30 believe that calculation is more important. What is it - callousness, selfishness or fear of unsuccessful marriage? Do they want a complete purse instead of love, or are they afraid of short-term passion? And why does marriage become the norm? People have forgotten how to love? Or have they become more prudent? We will try to answer all these questions.

Marriage of convenience: what does this mean?

We all watched a lot of films whereCalculation is the lot of negative characters, positive ones always marry for love. "And they lived happily ever after" - this is the end of any positive story. And, probably, this is correct. Everyone should keep in the soul the purity of thoughts and the desire of a small miracle. So why is there a choice in front of us: marriage to calculation or for love? Why is the first option becoming more popular? First, let's figure out what kind of "beast" is a marriage of convenience. The first thing that comes to mind is the desire for material prosperity for those entering into a similar marriage. Young fraudsters marrying old men of millionaires and courageous gigolos, looking for rich ladies. Of course, the material component is not uncommon among such marriages. Even if you do not take into account the above exaggerated examples, then such a calculation is encountered very often. But let us consider the other side of such a marriage. How can you be against the fact that a young girl successfully building her career, eyeing the men who have already reached financial stability in life? Yes, and men who have some capital, spinning in an environment where successful women are found more often. Sometimes this is an indispensable condition: to know that a woman has a good income. Thus, potential grooms insure themselves against relations with hunters for other people's treasures. But the last example is not so common. For many representatives of the stronger sex, the financial side of marriage is not decisive. Having achieved success in business, they will feed the family in any case. Women are more difficult. They think in advance about pregnancy, childbirth, maternity leave, or another reason when their inability to work should not cause an empty purse in the family. By the way, money is not the only factor in a marriage of convenience. Sometimes the common interests of two people give hope for a long, successful marriage. Families of athletes, where a man and a woman spend a lot of time in joint training. Marriages of archaeologists, with joy waiting for another trip to the end of the world for the sake of mysterious excavations. A union of two scientists, where the thoughts of one partner are quite understandable to the other and are not considered boring. Musicians, teachers, businessmen. ... You can enumerate for a long time. Another calculation in marriage is psychological compatibility. A woman may wish to marry someone with whom it is easy and pleasant to communicate with her, who arranges her sexually, who will feel loved. Is this such a bad calculation? There are many more reasons that determine marriage by calculation: the desire to have children, the fear of loneliness, social status, the desire to live abroad, etc. Hearing the very phrase "marriage by love or by calculation," people prefer the first, since the word "calculation" evokes a negative reaction from them. It implies manipulation of a person. In fact, such marriages are often very successful. Though real feelings come to partners and not immediately, but they are durable and time-tested. The calculation does not mean that the partners are approaching each other's choice with a "cold" heart, experiencing dislike. This is a balanced decision, taken not in a fit of passion, but through long reflection. They did not even have a choice: a marriage of convenience or for love. Such people knew in advance what they wanted from life, and confidently went to their goal. So what, will we write them into negative characters and stand up against their relationship?

Then what is a "love marriage"?

It makes no sense to belittle the meaning of love when creatingmarriage. This is the greatest happiness when two loving people unite their lives. But, mind you, it's about love! Not about love, not about passion. And about something much bigger and all-consuming. Are there many young couples capable of distinguishing true feelings from their surrogate? Happy people, blinded by love and affection for each other, go under the crown, but after a short time they can not stand a common life and domestic conflicts. Ideal sexual partners who do not think of existence without each other, suddenly get tired of relationships and are submitted for divorce. It's great when love grows into a real, deep feeling. But this does not always happen. Sometimes the bride and bridegroom go to the registry office after two weeks of dating. It's good if they belong to the same social status. And if he is a student or a scientist, and she is a saleswoman in the market? Whatever you say, unequal marriages have been condemned since ancient times. This pair will be much more difficult to find common ground and resolve the conflicts inevitable in each family. Marriages of women with high incomes and men with low incomes are no less short-lived. No matter how touchingly they may have loved each other at the very beginning of the relationship, the arguments "against" are still greater. The psychology of her husband will always be pressed by the fact that his wife earns more. Hence the lack of understanding, scandals, divorce. Those who confused love with passion, too, will be disappointed with family relations. Of course, sex is of great importance in family relationships. But if this is the main argument for solving any problems, do not expect the good from it. Instead of resolving the conflict in the house, the spouses "cure" the discontent with sex. Such relationships are held until the passion does not abate. And if the sexual attraction to each other is not backed by something more, then it will not last long. Sometimes women seek to maintain a decaying marriage with the help of children. But the fact that the birth of a baby strengthens relationships is a myth and the deepest delusion of all the wives of the world. If prior to pregnancy in the family love reigned and mutual understanding, then this is possible. But even in this case, a lot of couples are turning to psychologists who are trying to establish relationships after the appearance of the baby. And there are many reasons for this. Female postpartum depression, switching attention from the husband to the child, the lack of normal sex in the first months after childbirth - all these are difficult tests for many well-off families. So what about those couples whose relationship is far from ideal? Of course, there are exceptions. Sometimes, both love and passion can grow into a great and bright feeling of love. But they are exceptions to be a rarity. In order to be confident in your feelings, you need to go through many tests and time testing. And it's not enough for two weeks.

We place all points over i

Believe me, no one is trying to persuade you to marryby calculation, not by love. The point is that the concept of "calculation" can include completely different meanings. If a woman is motivated exclusively by material gain and chooses a partner that does not cause her positive emotions, then she can only sympathize. No matter how tightly the husband's purse is stuffed, it's very difficult to live with the unloved. And, looking at the happy lovers on TV, she can not get rid of the thought: "I will never have this." Yes, and the young cheerful handsome husbands of girlfriends will always win in comparison with the grumpy elderly chosen one. Therefore, it is very important to make a marriage not only with calculation, but also with the mind. This is like a complex mathematical task, which contains many important factors, arguments for and against. And if you do not take into account some of them, then the correct answer (read - "happy life") will not work. In this case, it is not necessary to condemn people who approach marriage rationally. Perhaps they just do not believe in love or have never experienced this light feeling. And maybe they were already burned, making a choice in favor of love, and their chosen one deceived expectations. As for marriage for love, it is important not to confuse this very love with love. Take a closer look at the man. Believe me, the time will come, and your chosen one will look a little different. Instead of perfect shaving - bristles, instead of a bouquet of roses - a package with food or a bottle of beer, instead of an exquisite costume - a stretched jersey. Presented? If this image does not cause you a shudder, then you can safely answer "yes." And again: never condemn people, no matter what choice they made in life. Everyone has the right both to a marriage of convenience and to a relationship based on a large and bright love. We advise you to read:

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