In the world there are so many beautiful things,so many positive emotions and feelings that sometimes they can just get confused. Love and friendship - what is the difference between them and does it exist in general, if we talk about friendship between men and women? And maybe friendship is that close feeling that a woman feels for a woman, and love is a feeling experienced for a man? Then the friendship between a man and a woman simply does not exist? Is this really so, let's try to figure it out and put it all "on the shelves." So, can we be friends? "What a question!" - many are indignant, - "Of course, we are able! What kind of special skill is needed for this? Each of us has friends. " And they will be wrong, because the concept of friendship is not what it really is. Often friends we call friends or good acquaintances with whom we communicate for a long time. We get in touch with them, are interested in their affairs, meet sometimes, we gather at the same table on holidays and sometimes share our experiences and joys. But psychologists say that this can not be called friendship. The psychology of friendship implies the need for regular communication with a particular person, a need equivalent to hunger. A friend is necessary to us, like the air, and in trouble, and in joy, and simply in everyday life. And this need is very similar to another feeling - a feeling of love. Maybe these feelings are identical? But, alas, this is not so. Is there any real friendship at all? Is it possible to meet someone so close to you to feel that you really need him? Is it possible to keep these relations and not lose friendship? Sooner or later a person appears in life, the need for which always exists, and this is a psychological need. But, unfortunately, such relations are gradually coming to naught. Selfless friendship gradually becomes a relic of the past. Friends are for us now - these are people who can help in this or that matter or those with whom you can have a good time. So do people who call us friends. In fact, if someone from supposedly close friends has a crisis, "friends" evaporate somewhere, until this crisis passes. This situation is familiar to almost everyone. In short, a profitable friendship promptly dislodges a disinterested friendship. And we begin to forget about the very concept of friendship altogether. And in vain. What does true friendship mean? Love and friendship save a person from loneliness at all times. Today, we finally can lose one of the most reliable means of human communication - the ability to be friends. Losing the ability to be friends, it is probably possible to unlearn and love, if these concepts are so close. About this ability and about what is love, and what is friendship from the point of view of psychology, we will talk today.

What does "friendship" mean?

What really is in this, it seemedwould friendship be familiar to all? If we say in a scientific way, then friendship is a disinterested relationship, personal, between people who are based on common likes, interests and hobbies. True friendship is not just talking over a cup of coffee. The signs of true friendship are expressed in the fact that a friend is always there - whether it's bad for us, is it good ... A friend will never try to take advantage of your weakness for his own purposes and will always come to the rescue when he is so needed. A true friend not only helps in trouble, but also sincerely rejoices in moments of happiness with you. To him, to a devoted friend, we run to share some news, we see him first on the threshold of his house, if there is a misfortune, we share our happiness with him and see a genuine joy in our eyes. Friendship and love are the closest possible concepts, as we love our friend - not as a partner, but as a person. Do every person have such friends? Unfortunately no. And can each of us himself be such a friend? Also "alas", and also "no." We climbed into rigid cocoons and forgot how sincerely to rejoice in someone's successes and also sincerely empathize with their failures. And it concerns, to great regret, not only strangers, but also those who are close to us. But it is with those whom we love that we need to be able to be friends! Because the lack of this skill generates a lot of disagreements, contributing to the emergence of alienation between loving people and causing them mental pain. Just the inability of the spouses to be friends, and not supposedly gone into oblivion love, and is the cause of many divorces. Not for nothing that they say that the best wife is a friend and a favorite. Love is friendship, impregnated with passion and desire. If there is no friendship between a man and a woman, then there can not be any love, it is most likely just passion, love or sexual attraction. What does real friendship mean? Confidence in the future; it makes a person bolder, freer and more optimistic, and his life - warmer, more interesting and multifaceted. True friendship spiritually unites people, contributing to the development in them of the desire for creation, and not destruction. In a word, friendship is very important in our life, but unfortunately, most of us do not take this into account. We do not realize that many problems that seem daunting and frightening can be easily solved if there are reliable friends nearby. And if between the spouses, besides love, there is also friendship, any conflicts arising in the marriage can be easily eliminated. So what is more important - love or friendship? The question is completely incorrect, because speaking of the family, one can not talk about one of these feelings, since they are strongly interrelated. Only if there is friendship, then there is true love. Is it possible to sincerely and truly love a person and not understand him, support him, or be his friend? Of course not! Sometimes you can hear the phrase "I do not understand him at all!", But this phrase remains only a set of words, because you can not understand a man you do not know, someone who is alien to you, and loved ones always understand. How to learn to be friends for real? What is the psychology of these feelings? Should there be love or friendship, understanding and support between close people?

Ability to make friends and love in marriage

Many of us are used to believe that fora happy marriage needs love. In the meantime, this is not quite so. Love in its pure form is a feeling spontaneous, impulsive and uncontrollable. It is often love that is the reason for all sorts of strife between spouses and even the cause of a gap between them, if it is not supported by true friendship. Why? Because we do not know how to control outbreaks of feelings, if they are based only on love. And love often leads to a state of affect and deprives a person of the ability to sanity. But when it is accompanied by friendship, control is not only possible, it happens arbitrarily, without the slightest internal tension. To a friend, we are usually indulgent, so many, acute in an exclusively love relationship, corners are smoothed out or completely bypassed. That's why among your loved ones, besides feelings of passion and attraction to each other, there must be friendship, only then such feelings can be called true love. The ability to make friends with a man and a woman, being loved, is not an easy task. However, if we want to be happy, we need to learn it. Otherwise, we can not escape quarrels and strife, the motive for which will, in fact, trifles. In order for spouses or loved ones to become friends, they first of all need to cultivate in themselves the desire for voluntary self-sacrifice for their own sake. The moral values ​​of friendship, love, family in general assume the capacity for self-sacrifice. However, we in the majority aspire to receive more than to give. This is the standard state of a normal person, which, at first glance, is difficult to change. But this is only at first glance. Oh, if most of us are selfish, then let us, in order to have a friendship in the family, we will act to please ourselves. And for this we recall the effect of the boomerang and that everything that we give, then comes back to us a hundredfold. Give our companion life warmth, participation, care and understanding, and eventually get the same from him. Well, if we do not get it, then the marriage was a mistake. And warmth, participation and care will return to us through another person. In general, the inability of husband and wife to friendship slowly but surely undermines the foundations of any marriage union, even if it was created on the basis of sincere and profound love. In the psychology of love and friendship, there is a difference. Excessively loving people lose the opportunity to soberly assess their role in the family. They are in a state similar to the disease, are maximally concentrated on each other and can not adequately perceive reality. To spend all life in such a state is impossible. Sooner or later it passes, and the desolate place comes disappointed and annoyed if people do not have anything to do with it. The result - alienation, loss of interest in the family, to the relationship, the search for it on the side. Feelings of love and friendship are closely intertwined in ideal relations between men and women. In families with the signs of true friendship between husband and wife, the emergence of such a situation is almost impossible. In friendship there is no satiety. On the contrary, over time it becomes stronger and more reliable. The marriage union, based on long-standing friendship, is similar to a well-functioning mechanism that works without failures. Divorce for such a family is almost unrealistic - even if, for some reason, the spouses and disperse in different directions, the friendship will unite them again. That's why you can not say what is more important - friendship or love. Love is fire, and friendship is fuel that supports it and does not let it fade. In order for families to have friendship, people intending to create a marriage union should be prepared for the fact that sooner or later the spouses will find a difference in their convictions, habits, and characters. On this ground there are many disputes and quarrels, which often lead to the complete collapse of marriage. But this is trouble, whatever one may say. So, to marry, deliberately dooming yourself to disaster? Hardly anyone wants this. We all aspire to peace and security in the family, and only true friendship can give them to us. Friendly spouses instinctively yield to each other in everything, condescendingly treat the demands of their halves, reflexively yielding to it. They live according to the true moral values ​​of the friendship of the family's love: mutual trust, ability to self-sacrifice, kindness. In such harmonious families, there is no question of who will first step to reconciliation after some kind of quarrel. These strife simply do not last long and are the nature of some kind of game, so necessary in family relations. Therefore, reconciliation after them is not a problem - the one who at the moment was wiser starts to put up. Such a pair is self-sufficient, and everyone in it constantly experiences an urgent need for the other. This, of course, significantly weakens the desire of the spouses to communicate with other people separately from each other. And what could be better than striving home, to your half, from any, even very attractive and interesting company of people? Conclusion: for a good and strong marriage, friendship between husband and wife is necessary. We, unfortunately, creating a family, not only do not take this fact into account - we completely reject it, thus condemning ourselves to long torments due to eternal family conflicts. In society there is a stereotype of the family, in which husband and wife are almost the first enemies. And each of them over the years trying to prove something to another, and everyone is wrong, and everyone is unhappy. Divorce, in fact, does not change anything, because by creating another family, the ex-husband and wife will automatically build relationships in accordance with the model of the previous family. Current families are often based on the principle of who will beat whom. "He (she) at me on a string will go!" - exclaim potential husband and wife in reply to a question, how they are going to build family relations. But in fact we do not choose to ourselves spouses of villains, and in wives - disgusting on character girls! Where does the intention to become a cruel overseer, and not a true friend, who can be trusted always and in everything? After all, the old saying, "Husband and wife - one Satan" did not arise from scratch. It is based on centuries of experience and implies nothing more than a strong and reliable friendship. So no love without friendship can not be long in a relationship, love is yes, but not love. Since love without friendship is like a man without hands. So let's learn to be friends with our mates and start creating marriages that will become stronger with the years, and sincere feelings will become the basic principles of family happiness. We advise you to read:

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