Love is the basis of life as such. Thanks to her, new people are born, she makes us change and become better. But the most important love is a man's love for himself. Only by accepting ourselves and experiencing respect, we can fully live and be happy. Unfortunately, this is not always the case, and sometimes it seems like a person like to love yourself - absolutely impossible.
How do we not like ourselves?
How can you know that you do not love yourself, in what way is it manifested?
- When you face even a small problem, you are panic-stricken, and the world narrows to the extent of this very trouble;
- The obsessive desire of everyone to love you;
- Constant self-flagellation and guilt;
- Excessive dependence on the opinions of others and a desire to hear praise from them in their address;
- Low professional self-esteem, manifested in that, even being a first-class specialist in your field, you think that someone can work better than you;
- Any criticism is perceived as an insult;
- Willingness to work "for wear," lack of attention to oneself and one's condition;
- A keen sense of self-pity;
- Own thoughts and ideas seem absolutely useless and meaningless;
- The desire to achieve the ideal in order to please everyone;
- Unwillingness to seek help and an exceptionally independent solution to all possible problems;
- Dislike for your body;
- The desire to be inconspicuous for everyone and not ready to report their own discomfort;
- Inability to say no.
That's such a long list turned out. And it can be extended to infinity, because manifestations of dislike for yourself can be a great many. Each of us can have its own characteristics in this regard. By the way, it is not always dislike for oneself that permeates all spheres of human life: sometimes it manifests itself more professionally, sometimes in personal.
The reasons for not loving oneself
In order to understand how to love yourself,it is necessary to understand the origins of this dislike. Most often, the feet of many of our problems "grow" from childhood. And this is not surprising, because every little child, in fact, a clean sheet, which is eventually filled with efforts and actions from others. In our souls, these two roles remain forever: a small child who craves love and understanding from relatives, and an adult who scolds and controls us. And everything would be fine, as these two parts quite counterbalance each other. However, if a child has problems in his childhood, he is constantly criticized and criticized, he is looking for the cause of all these troubles in himself. And he comes to the conclusion that he is simply bad. But if it was good, then everything would be different. Thus, the child begins to reject some of its features. This is how the seeds of dislike for themselves fall into the soil of our soul and begin to germinate. In some cases, parents try to realize their own dreams and expectations at the expense of the child, which can not come true. They do not understand how to love themselves without it, and, accordingly, they try to grow a "normal" person out of the baby, because only then can they feel sympathy for him. For example, my mother all her life dreamed that you would get married and raise children, and you chose a career. It is logical that you now feel uncomfortable, because you did not please your mother, and she thinks you are a bad daughter. And sometimes we do not fit the society and the spirit of the times. The modern world is so arranged that we all, by and large, try to be similar to each other and compete in our success. And if any person gets out of this human stream, then chances are that he will not be able to love himself. If we take the same example with marriage and career, then girls who do not want to pursue success in our society, since they like to cook borshch for their husband, there may be difficulties with the adoption of their own values. Finally, sometimes we drive ourselves into such conditions, it is not possible to get out of them. We set for ourselves a bar that Michael Jordan and Steve Jobs would not have reached - and we are trying! For example, a person wants to earn a lot of money, (why?) And he goes to work in a large corporation with the appropriate attitude to employees and working conditions. After a year of varying successes, he begins to gobble up himself for failing to become an exemplary "office plankton." Although it is not clear why he needs it. Another reason why many people have a dislike for themselves is the experience of failure. Unfortunately, not all our endeavors are successful: the project can be rejected, the favorite flower can wither, and the beloved man - to disperse with you. And in this case, there is a great temptation to plunge into the blame by the very ears and for a long time to indulge in self-flagellation. After serious failures it can be very difficult to love yourself and start doing something again, but without it you are doomed to a very unhappy life.
How to love yourself?
With the causes and manifestations, everything can be clear,but the question of how to love yourself, is still open. But you can solve it only because your self-esteem depends on your state of mind. Psychologists have developed a number of tips and recommendations that will be useful and interesting to any person, regardless of his sense of self and world perception. Advantages and successes You can say that you do not have much to love yourself for. This is not surprising, since you notice only one setbacks and shortcomings. It is not known who and when instilled this habit to you, but the fact remains that it greatly hinders your life. But it is not necessary to feel dislike and self-loathing for the rest of your life! How to love yourself, if you do nothing? No way! So start to show activity in the direction that you like most: work, hobby, personal life. If at first you run into failure, then do not be upset - give yourself the right to make a mistake, because you are doing this for the first time. And with the first success, rejoice and fix this fact in the list of your personal achievements. Write down into it even mere trifles, for example, "did not yell at the hamovatuyu aunt in the trolleybus" or "refrained from eating a second cake." Be sure to make a list of all your merits and qualities that distinguish you from all others. Just turn off the criticism and evaluate yourself as if from outside, like an outsider girl. Soon it will be found out that you are cute, smart, etc. ... Do not forget to go to these lists at least once a day and be charged by them with love for yourself. Feelings In our culture, the manifestation of such feelings as resentment, anger, anger, sadness is condemned. We are accustomed to concealing them and are gradually disillusioned in our body, which for some reason seeks to experience these emotions. Therefore, it is very important to learn how to allow yourself to feel what you feel, and also correctly express these emotions. For example, you are offended by a friend. By habit, you want immediately to hide this emotion deeper, and even shame yourself for its appearance. But you do not need to do this! Emotions are natural and arbitrary, and if we react to them at some event, it is likely that it deserves it. Your girlfriend really offended you, and you have the right to express it to her. Perhaps she could not think about how unpleasant her behavior was. And, maybe, it is convenient for her to "wipe your feet off of you," but then you should think about why such a girlfriend is needed? Affirmations There is one excellent psychological tool that slowly teaches us to love ourselves. It is called affirmations. Its essence lies in the pronouncing of special verbal formulas that program our minds on positive thinking and perception. Using these formulas only a few times a day, you can achieve notable improvements within a month. Example of positive affirmations:
- I am the most charming and attractive;
- The world is open to me, and I achieve success in everything;
- I have a beautiful body;
- I give people joy and light;
- The source of inspiration is within me;
- I love and appreciate myself;
These statements are only a model - at the veryIn fact, there is an infinite set of all possible affirmations. The most important thing in using them is the birth of positive energy and joy within you. And, of course, regularity. This occupation should be given time and effort, and not to pronounce them in a hurry - only then affirmations will gain strength in your soul. Visualization Another psychological exercise is aimed at achieving the desired state, that is, loving oneself. Your task is to imagine in all details what will happen when you love yourself. We have prepared questions that will help you to bring the desired image with all the details:
- What will you wake up in the morning?
- How will you look?
- What will be your gait and gestures?
- What will you do every day?
- What will not you do?
- What will be your speech?
- Where and how will you live?
- Who will you work with?
- What will your man and girlfriend be like?
- What will you do in your spare time?
- What features do you have in comparison with today?
Having answered these and other questions, imaginethis picture. Look at it from all sides. Add smells and sounds to the image. Immerse yourself in it and stay in this life for a short period of time - at least five minutes. After that, get out of it and listen to yourself and your inner feelings. By regularly performing this exercise, you will gradually become the person you represent - confident and loving yourself. Changes But self-love does not at all imply humility and acceptance of those qualities that, obviously, spoil your life and prevent the achievement of happiness. It's rather about how to take in ones those features that seem bad, but in fact they are not. How to separate the wheat from the chaff? You should analyze where you want to get rid of this or that quality. If the reason - in the alleged condemnation of others and in rules like "it is necessary, and everything", then, probably, it is a question of dislike for oneself and low self-esteem. But if you really interfere with certain features - for example, excess weight or the habit of sticking your nose where you do not need it - then, perhaps, it is worth to get rid of them. To do this, as detailed as possible, write down on the sheet of paper the manifestations of a character so annoying you. Add a column that includes a description of the negative consequences of your actions. Think and analyze why you are behaving this way (it may be that you are more relaxed or lazy to take any action). Finally, sketch out a detailed plan of how you could change everything. And do not forget to follow it unswervingly! Accepting Unfortunately, not all your features can be changed - at least, bloodlessly. Yes, and it would be sad if a person could change any unsophisticated trifle - surely then our world would consist of billions of ideal cyborgs. Agree, it is not very interesting to live in such conditions! However, doing something with your dislike for yourself and your individual traits is necessary. And the key in this case is acceptance. In the end, none of us is perfect, and you can have any shortcomings. In some cases, they even give you personality and unique charm. Therefore, love yourself for who you are, because if you did not have something, it would no longer be you. The burden of the past He weighs upon many of us. This is especially evident in the case of relations with men: how we do not trust the new partners because of the frauds of the old ones, we expect them to behave like the previous ones, and we simply simply do not think about them well. All this is our negative baggage, and some people have so many that it interferes not only with living, but also simply loving oneself. The thought does not leave my mind: "If all this happened in my life, then something is wrong with me." It does not always correspond to the truth. For example, your first connections with men are not indicative at all for relationships at all, for then you simply did not have the expertise to assess and predict the situation. In the future it was you who made them your norm, forgetting about what could be different. This is not your fault - this is how a person works. But you can analyze your mistakes and correct them - in particular, if you respond to another type of men. In any case, it is worth releasing this negative experience and starting to live anew. Sometimes the art of self-love may seem like a very complicated science, but it's not. We get used to scold and blame ourselves simply because sometimes a good attitude towards someone who is reflected in the mirror can seem shameful. And this is wrong, because this person is the closest, reliable and native. And for this alone it is worth loving with all your heart and soul. We advise you to read: